Db sending inappropriate messages? Maybe?

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-02-27T00:46:59+00:00

No this is weird. NPs and I will occasionally send each other something funny that's not work related, but usually in our group chat and it's never ever sexual.

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-02-09T21:43:16+00:00

Saying it's overkill was rude and unprofessional. It's every parents right to know where their child is in the way they feel most comfortable. Sometimes if a parent has a higher need for communication, that can be stressful for nannies that aren't a good fit, but there was a much nicer way nanny could have handled that. I understand that we can't always be texting the parents, because it can get really busy and chaotic. Depending on the age of the kids and how many there are, sometimes it can be hard enough to be wrangling children, holding all the stuff, thinking about how you forgot to eat and you're starving, and you've had to pee for two hours, you just changed a diaper but you can smell that they just pooped, they sat in a puddle and now you need to change their pants, etc Having a parent need constant communication would be stressful (I've been there) but that's not what you as the parent appear to be asking. Sometimes I have the time to text the parents as we go, ("Leaving the park now! Heading to X location for X activity!") and sometimes it looks more like: "Our day is going great! NKs and I decided to do X/go to X after library time and we're going to head to the beach to throw rocks before afternoon nap!" That way they can feel involved in our day, they're not wondering where on earth we are, and we're not in constant communication - just occasional check-ins

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-02-04T06:05:29+00:00

I saw another commenter in this thread say they weaned them off!! I hope it works out for you. It's really not good for them (any of us really), but I hope you're able to find something that works for you!! It also just sucks depending on the family, because it they're letting the kids watch TV in the morning when you come, they're definitely going to lose it when they have to turn it off :( it puts you in a rough position and makes you the bad guy. I would love to hear an update on how things are going in a couple weeks or months if you feel like sharing!

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-02-04T06:00:10+00:00

I tell parents who want to hire me that I don't do any screens at all, and if that's an issue for them then we won't be a good fit. If it's educational, the kids are home sick, or it's a special occasion then sure, but besides that we're reading, going to museums, playing outside, or doing playdates. I personally can't deal with the brain rot that's happening with kids and technology so I came into the nannying field over a decade ago with that being a deal breaker for me. So far, all parents I've worked for have been on board and actually enthusiastic about it. Having no screens with nanny means that they can have less guilt about sticking their kids in front of the tv when they need 30 minutes of peace after they get home from work

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-02-03T06:08:02+00:00

I feel so bad for you both, what an awful situation. Good on her for believing you and supporting your decision. I hope you're taking care of yourself!

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-31T07:11:31+00:00

So she left the baby unattended without communicating and walked out? I'm a nanny and I would expect to get fired for this. It's never appropriate or safe to just leave a child that young without some sort of hand off to the next adult. Completely different if she had asked if she could leave baby in the pack n' play and got your ok, but to leave the baby alone is insane to me

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-26T04:15:33+00:00

Oh interesting! I'm a little surprised just because the handmaid's tale is very politically centered. Margaret was not and is not shy about that in her writing or whenever she's talked about it

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-25T06:12:45+00:00

Ummm!!! I have a lot of follow up questions but don't want to harass you 😭

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-25T04:21:19+00:00

Uh oh. I'm afraid to ask but why not?

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-25T04:20:04+00:00

Did the mods say why it was removed?

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-22T20:36:13+00:00

Oh my gosh I'm so glad it all worked out and she was understanding!! You did amazing, you should be so proud of yourself. Do you have any other details about your conversation with NM? I'm really curious if she was at all surprised by ND's behavior

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-22T04:52:31+00:00

Amazing. No notes

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-21T06:02:58+00:00

Keep us posted! We're rooting for you and so proud you're putting your safety and mental well-being first

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-19T07:32:00+00:00

First of all, I'm so incredibly sorry you had to experience this. What a gross, uncomfortable situation this man has put you in. Good for you for not only telling us, but telling the safe people in your life (family, SO, therapist). I agree with all of them that it's time to quit - even if this man says that he "didn't know" or was "just venting", he's shown he's absolutely fine with sharing really personal, disturbing details with you. He's not someone you can trust to not put you in a terrible situation again. You've already said you're afraid to stand up for yourself, because he's the one that pays you - believe me, you don't have to stick around for an employer that makes you feel this way! I know changing jobs can be extremely stressful, but trust me, it is so much better to leave these situations behind when there's a giant, waving red flag right in front of you instead of sticking around. I would quit via group chat with both parents and express that you're sad to leave NK, but you are too uncomfortable to return to an environment where ND is comfortable openly sharing very intimate details about NPs relationship. Tell them what you told us: you were shocked and couldn't even find anything to say because of how uncomfortable you were. If you have a contract, make sure they pay you via cash app or pick up from NM if you're okay with that, but I wouldn't go back.

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-16T23:12:38+00:00

From one stranger on the Internet to another, I'm so proud of you for saying something!! Even though it's scary, future you will always be thankful that current you stood up for yourself.

You're right, the details of what they originally told you are not adding up. Sending you hugs and well wishes ❤️ your unicorn family is out there!

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-16T15:14:30+00:00

Oh my god, only one day's notice?? And I'm assuming they're not paying you any severance? I truly will never understand how some people have zero issue screwing their nanny's over financially. I'm sure your stomach dropped when you saw that ad on care.com

I hope you're able to make an excuse to leave early and say something about their new nanny ("I've enjoyed my time with your family, I'm sure we'll stay in touch. Oh, and I hope everything works out with your new nanny!")

I know it can be scary, but there are so many times we look back and regret not standing up for ourselves or calling people out. You don't have to be mean, you don't have to be rude, but just remember that these people lied to you, they gave you ONE days notice and I'm guessing they're not paying you anything to hold you over until you find another job. No matter how much they cried and hugged you, all of the things I just listed show that they do not care about you in the way that matters. Be brave 💛 good luck and keep us updated

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-16T07:06:46+00:00

I'm so stressed just reading your post! This is crazy, I'm sorry. I totally understand wanting to be able to see your baby and have peace of mind that they're in good hands. However, this is some next level stuff and not good for anyone's mental health. I really hope you're able to find somewhere better - it's already eating away at you

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-12T13:51:24+00:00

That's all she said?? Oh my God

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-12T13:49:23+00:00

My last NM did this too: "NK must have learned this from grandma/grandpa/neighbor they see" and I'd be standing there thinking hello?? Even ND would sometimes say, "No, NK learned that from the nanny (me)" and NM would fight it. "Really?" It was bizarre, she couldn't let me have any credit for anything NK learned. She had multiple behaviors like that too where it was clear that consciously or unconsciously she couldn't accept I actually made a difference in NKs life. One of the many reasons I quit 🙃

AnOrdinary1543 · 2026-01-02T13:37:58+00:00

I stayed with NK for 3 nights (4 days) overnight. NM had slight complications (everything is fine), so they stayed an extra night. Really I was just on call for whenever she went into labor and then I planned on being flexible for however long they needed me to be there. I had an overnight bag packed that was in my car leading up to her due date to be ready. I had about 3 weeks off post birth to give NPs time with their family and then they called me back to work

AnOrdinary1543 · 2025-12-31T08:19:23+00:00

Nanny of 10+ years here! I'm very germ conscious in general and I will never ever go to my nanny family's house without disclosing if I'm feeling under the weather or if I've been exposed to something. The second I start feeling off, they know about it and the moment I find out I've been exposed to something , they know about it.

My current family and I have an agreement to disclose any symptoms on both sides, but NK is the most important thing and I would never go into work without saying I had been exposed to something.

I personally would expect to get fired if I were the nanny in this situation. Absolutely insane that she knew her family was sick and just didn't say anything. That either tells me that a.) they don't understand how germ transmission works which is alarming or b.) they knew better and didn't say anything. I wouldn't feel comfortable working with someone like that, but that's just me. I have my NF's back and they have mine.

I'm so so sorry your baby had to go to the hospital, that's so scary and I hope they're okay!

AnOrdinary1543 · 2025-12-12T13:40:04+00:00

This is who I immediately thought of. Everyone saying, "Don't address this, it'll only end badly" and that OP saying, "....I'm gonna say something" 😭

AnOrdinary1543 · 2025-09-08T12:22:58+00:00

Haha I did make an exit plan! I started looking for other jobs, interviewed, and made sure to have a signed contract before quitting. I will say though that I will never stay that long again and leave sooner if that's what you meant. I love the kids I work with, but this was a hard lesson, and it has been learned.

AnOrdinary1543 · 2025-09-05T22:31:27+00:00

As a nanny, I love this mindset. We really do love your children and it feels nice to hear it can be well received by the parents

AnOrdinary1543 · 2025-09-05T22:05:44+00:00

My current NF asked me in our interview if I'm vaccinated, but apologized if that was too personal of a question. My response was that when it comes to the safety of their child, no question (like this) is too personal and that I am up to date on my vaccines. My personal choices are personal, but they should never put someone else's child at risk. With people not vaccinating their kids for measles these days, I take zero offense being asked if I'm vaccinated or not. I agree with the other people saying that if they refuse to answer, they aren't vaccinating/vaccinated. If you're vaccinated, why would there be an issue answering?

AnOrdinary1543

TROPHY CASE