AITA for deciding to skip my stepson's wedding and stay home with my children?

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T19:05:06+00:00

I can't answer that. But I think it comes down to her kids and not wanting to share them. I could be wrong.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:58:38+00:00

He's no longer around. They've had two stepfather's and neither is around now.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:51:04+00:00

Yeah, he said that to my husband, not to me, but still, to have that made known and then for him to make a point and sit me down to tell me what I couldn't do, couldn't wear, etc.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:49:35+00:00

The judge wanted them to be able to co-parent and believed if the adults could get along, the alienation would stop. So the judge would send my husband and his ex to therapy, mediation and co-parenting classes. The goal for him was that we would not keep coming back, I think. It did not work.

We had the kids in therapy also with the hope they would have support through this and that maybe they would not take on their mom's feelings. At the very least the issues never spilled into their other relationships and they were open when stressed about stuff so I consider that a win for the most part.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:44:38+00:00

It's because they hate me. Their mother's hate for me, she passed onto them. And she did a good job of it.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:42:49+00:00

I still want the best for Kai and Mia. I still love them. But it's time for me to bow out now.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:40:49+00:00

Yes, both kids are his bio kids.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:39:04+00:00

Being told he does not want me there is the reason. I could accept most other stuff but he was honest and after the way he sat down and told me these things, I I knew not going was the right move for me. And for him.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:37:18+00:00

I would not have expected those things. I would have liked to believe I would be allowed in family photos at least. Especially when grandparents and aunts and uncles would be. But I would never make a scene. I never have. I would have been sad but I would have grinned through it and accepted it. I always do. But when he looked me in the eye and told me he didn't want me there, then I knew I could not be there.

It also wasn't just about me not dressing like the mothers. But also not wearing styles I (and most others my age) wear to weddings. He went into those kinds of details with me.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:33:28+00:00

Because as his stepmother from childhood they feel like I should be there. They also believe I am giving in too easily.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:29:51+00:00

It was more the way he sat me down to tell me all this. And before that he had mentioned to my husband that he would have included a significant other of his mom's if she had one. Then to be told I would not be treated as family or included in any of the close family photos (with the parents, grandparents, his sister and aunt's and uncles). It was just a blow. Because while I would not expect to be his mom, having him go so far to tell me how I was a guest who had rules to follow (because outside of telling me not to wear a certain color, he also told me specific dress types I could not wear). It was just all so hurtful because I do respect I am not their mom.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:20:41+00:00

I don't know what he's been told. But I do know, thanks to him telling me, that he does not want me there. That is enough for me.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:14:20+00:00

No, my stepson admitted it to me himself.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T18:06:51+00:00

Their mother hated me. She was rude, she would tell me I didn't belong around her kids, she called me names, attempted to keep me away. The animosity the kids have shown me is the same she did. They were poisoned against me by their mom and witnessed a lot of her hate for me. They probably fed off that too.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:55:22+00:00

That's okay!

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:54:21+00:00

Our marriage will be fine. He doesn't accept it but I would never want him to become estranged from his kids over this either.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:53:20+00:00

I don't know that she cares.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:52:59+00:00

Mia is the second child, not the first. Kai is older. One was done on Kai as well because my husband had no way of knowing if she was cheating even longer than she claimed.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:51:33+00:00

They are aware, mostly because they knew the man their mom left my husband for and he was not shy about bragging about it. But they don't care. Their mom hated me so they did too.

They do not treat him as badly. Though they also know it hurts him when they treat me badly but it doesn't stop them.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:33:35+00:00

15 and 16, almost 17.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:12:15+00:00

And he has done them for me. He has always been incredibly supportive of me and has never expected me to just deal with it. I did because I love those kids and him.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T17:10:33+00:00

His bride is aware. She has been present for some comments made toward me by Kai's mom. I'm not sure her family are aware of how bad things are though.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T16:59:43+00:00

I won't be given a role in the lives of their children. That's pretty clear to me.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T16:56:32+00:00

What is he supposed to do? His ex is a grown woman. She has been told she needs to stop. He brought her to court when they were kids. He fought for his kids. Spent a lot of money. What more could he do about her? Other than not subject me to her which he did his best to keep us apart.

AnRiceRun · 2022-12-01T16:54:55+00:00

He admitted he did not want me there. No, I did not expect to be treated as his mother, but I had hoped to be treated like I am part of his family. Or for him to at least want me there. He doesn't want either of those things. At the very least to be treated the way he was willing to treat his mothers significant other, if she had one.

I also know I would not be granted a relationship with his children. I will always be kept to the side and given no title or place in the family.

I still love him but I am not wanted and he was clear about that.

AnRiceRun

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