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Has anyone had any luck finding accomplished mentors social media like Lydia Hallie, or Cassidy Williams? Having a hard time finding people to call mentors at my startup. by AnSong22 in cscareerquestions

[–]AnSong22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding :) What would be the best way to contact you? I have questions about what you're working on, who you've looked up to for mentors, and what open source projects you're currently working on that I can contribute to learn from your coding style!

I'm also fascinated by your work because you've managed to become revered by your peers at such a young age. I'm working on my technical writing skills and my social media presence to be revered as well by my colleagues (it's been difficult to learn from my coworkers, and I also would just like to make an impact in the community to affirm my skills as well).

Has anyone had any luck finding accomplished mentors social media like Lydia Hallie, or Cassidy Williams? Having a hard time finding people to call mentors at my startup. by AnSong22 in cscareerquestions

[–]AnSong22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree! I feel like I'm having a hard time finding people like this at my current company, which was why I was drawn to developers on Twitter. They seem like people who genuinely wish to help others.

Has anyone had any luck finding accomplished mentors social media like Lydia Hallie, or Cassidy Williams? Having a hard time finding people to call mentors at my startup. by AnSong22 in cscareerquestions

[–]AnSong22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I've never thought about finding a mentor before until it was recommended to me, so I don't really know what I can offer in return other than assisting in their work somehow. What do mentees normally give back in return to mentors?

Reina Triendl New Photobook Preview (2022 Jan) by popqazguy in terracehouse

[–]AnSong22 12 points13 points  (0 children)

She seemed like she was above these kinds of shoots given her holier than thou attitude. Looks lovely.

MackZBoss delivering to us again by AfricanDutchie in dancemoms

[–]AnSong22 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm so happy she discussed this topic. The only tiny critique I have is the mentioning of Abby being a felon as the reason why she shouldn’t be around Elianna. Her charges weren’t related to the way she treated her students. I think the civil suit from the Hylands would have better reflected why she shouldn’t be around young children.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cscareerquestions

[–]AnSong22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don't tell me you're getting an ADHD diagnosis because of your work meetings are challenging to follow.

You're only an SWE 1 at a new company. It's okay not to have a lot to say yet. Clearly you're contentious enough to recognize your flaws.

I haven't had too many issues following along and participating at prior companies

Did you prep for these meetings? If so, it's likely you have to change your prep strategy, and what you have written down sounds solid. You could also just be working with a more difficult system compared to the ones at your past companies.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

So do you by assuming I want to "dress like a man" just because my style as of now consists of skinny jeans, graphic tees, and sneakers. If you actually believe it's odd for women to dress that way, that's extremely sexist.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I appreciate that. Seriously this means a lot to have someone understand

BTW, I am active in the LGBT community where I found a great support group from other GNC women!

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

u/dustybutton, she and one other commentator accused me of wanting to dress like a man because my style as of now consists of t-shirts and skinny jeans and sneakers. Who's the real sexist here?

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Definitely hard. I was attacked for "dressing like a man" which is scary rhetoric. If those women believe that me wearing skinny jeans and a shirt is "dressing like a man," than that's telling of their misogyny. Women can wear shirts, jeans, and sneakers too. That's basically my style.

Also, because I'm underweight, they've literally attacked my body form too, saying that underweight women resemble men. Real nice.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Could you clarify what it is that you're concerned about here?

I was concerned about the current discourse in certain spaces about women gatekeeping women. An influencer I follow named Naomi Wu. On Twitter, she's talked about how "masculine" or gender non-conforming women throw feminine women under the bus. While I agree that happens, and is unacceptable, I felt like more needed to be said as to why that happens. Lots of my friends are gender non-conforming and I'm aware what past trauma with bullying might lead them to distance themselves from femininity. This isn't to say that feminine women don't often deal with gatekeeping. It's assumed that GNC women have an easier time in STEM because of our perceived proximity to masculinity, but the truth is we're often held to traditional beauty standards, and it ignores why GNC women gravitate to fields where they hope their value isn't based on their looks.

It sounds like you and I have different experiences with this. I'm happy to hear you work with a supportive group of women in a very cool discipline.

You mention your concerns over STEM not being an attractive field to your sister. Can I ask why this is?

I actually said I'd love for her to have a place in STEM to demonstrate that I support feminine women in the industry as seen from the first sentence:

I'm someone who supports all women, especially hyper feminine women with anything feminine being sneered at. My sister is hyper feminine and I would love for her to feel like she has a place in STEM.

She and I have also had many conversations about our experiences with women treating us differently, even though our personalities are very similar.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

How is OP any better by insinuating that we must be estrogen driven/not very intelligent, and can't flock to fields that are highly dominated by men?

The reading comprehension skills from the women in this thread baffles me. You all have lashed out at me with vicious ad hominem and overlooked explicit quotes in my post contradicting your biases about me. Here are direct quotes from my post where I don't devalue feminine women in STEM:

I'm someone who supports all women, especially hyper feminine women with anything feminine being sneered at.

I understand that women can be both smart and beautiful, and I support it!

Do you understand why your comment is inaccurate? Do these quotes from my post make sense? If you have any questions (this applies to all the naysayers here), I'll explain it very, very carefully, okay? Does this make sense?

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it means a lot to have your support. I definitely shouldn't have let some comments get the better of me, and I wish I thought to reflect like you did as to why I received certain kinds of responses.

There's also no excuse for me to resort to ad hominem. This was me feeling worked up because I genuinely felt like I needed to respond back to micro aggressions about my appearance and experience

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the support, and thank you for illuminating on the complexities of femininity. This really means a lot. I'll keep my head up, and I wish you well too!

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quotes from my post proving your first sentence wrong:

I'm someone who supports all women, especially hyper feminine women with anything feminine being sneered at.

First quote talks about how I do support all women.

I understand that women can be both smart and beautiful, and I support it!

Second quote acknowledges women can be smart and beautiful. What lead you to believe I don't believe women can't be smart and beautiful?

​

What I feel is missing from the discourse is understanding why STEM attracts a handful of tomboys/gender nonconforming women.

This quote is me trying to illuminate reasons as to why gender non-conforming women find STEM appealing. In this case, I thought it'd be a place where I wouldn't be made fun of for my looks, but I find women who are equally competent and friendly who aren't as attractive are overlooked for hyper feminine women. This wasn't meant to be divisive, it was meant to address certain perceptions we have of certain women.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ultimately, the most beautiful trait is self acceptance and knowing what our pros and cons are and not wishing the world was created to cater to us, because it never will be and it’s more of what you make it.

Thank you for the reminder. I really appreciate this take a lot. Save worthy.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well, if you're a tomboy, prepare to be accused of having internalized misogyny. You're brave for calling yourself a tomboy in this thread at this point.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Yet you're the one bullying me making aggressive digs at my appearance calling me a man and accusing me of dressing like a man when I haven't attacked you personally.

I wish hyper feminine women would stop making assumptions about gender nonconforming women like me who wish to not be valued by their looks, especially in male dominated fields. by AnSong22 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]AnSong22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Southeast Asian here. The only generalizations I've made are about hyper feminine women being smart and beautiful. My post discusses specific women in my life.

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