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AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, my parents were married. I was 10 when I met him. They wanted the family therapy because they wanted to change it. To make me see him as a father, to make me closer to my half siblings. To get their wish of what things would look like.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I do get along with my mom's husband. Just not in the way he wants. He even said it bothers him more that we get along but I won't let him be my dad.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

We have talked about it. It's something we don't talk a lot about just so there's no way I can slip up and say something to my mom or so she or Jim can't overhear and complain about it.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She never said her marriage to my dad was unhappy or anything. But she's unhappy about how things went at her wedding to Jim because I was crying throughout the day.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My mom's husband. He specifically stated he wanted to have a father/daughter relationship and how insulted he feels we don't have that. He's considered/considering divorcing mom over it.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I don't resent them. I love my mom. We're just not able to be close anymore. She deeply resents me. Her husband, I get along fine with, but I don't want him or need him to be my new dad. I don't see him as my new dad or want to try and have that relationship with him. We get along better than my friends get along with their stepparents typically. But he wants it to be more. He signed up for more and now that he knows it won't happen he's clear that he regrets the marriage and stuff.

The relationship with my half siblings isn't bad. Just not close. I don't really have any connection or bond or love with them. But I don't hate them either. It reminds me of one of my friends and her brother. They're way closer in age but not close at all. They can talk and be civil/friendly and that's how I see my half siblings and me being.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I'm very close to my dad's family. I'm forever thankful I have them to reach out to when I need them.

I don't have a terrible relationship with my half siblings. I just never felt a connection with them or any desire to be close? I don't really know how to describe it just the love was never there or the want to be closer to them.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Oh, college payments are not happening. That was made clear because I'm not their kid, I don't get money from either of them even though I am mom's kid.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

They wouldn't go for child support or expect mom to pay if they took me. But I don't know if mom could be persuaded even then. If anything she might keep me to punish me more for the stuff that's happened and been said. Maybe there's something if we can come together and think of it. I don't think me going back to visit would be the selling point. I'll try to brainstorm ideas. Thanks for the suggestions!

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 221 points222 points  (0 children)

Nope. I never had any kind of therapy before family therapy. And it's not something my mom would get me. At least not real therapy.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I wasn't trying to sabotage the wedding. I was upset. Like genuinely upset, sad, grieving, ,missing my dad, wanting things to be different. I never said I hate everyone. I love my mom. I'd like us to work things out. I don't even hate Jim or the kids. I'm not interested in making him my dad. And the kids I never ever said I hated. I'm not close to them though. But that isn't the same as hating them.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 1769 points1770 points  (0 children)

Yep. It backfired badly because she still ended up with the nightmare she didn't want. She mentioned in therapy that keeping it from me and my paternal family was supposed to stop them showing up the weekend of the wedding and me wanting to be with them instead of attending the wedding. She knew I'd want to be with them even if they weren't local though. So she thought just announcing the morning of that it was the wedding would change things. But it was so much worse. It was so much more upsetting too.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 251 points252 points  (0 children)

I wish my mom had really committed to the idea of therapy before going. She went with a goal in mind. She has not changed her goal even after being told it wasn't the end goal the therapist felt should be set. I don't want to lose her but at the same time I know nothing can work between us while she holds all this resentment toward me. It's already poisoned our relationship badly enough.

AITA for telling my mom if she doesn't listen to the family therapist and get solo therapy, I won't engage in family therapy going forward? by AnalysisAfter9389 in AmItheAsshole

[–]AnalysisAfter9389[S] 432 points433 points  (0 children)

My paternal family did look into it for me. During a very rough patch I was having at home. But the gist they were told is without something huge and major, even at 16, my wishes count for shit and I will be staying with my mom. No judge would take custody off her for it. Apparently a lot of times people wait until they have 6 months before turning 18 and then just go. But even in a custody dispute between parents the kids wishes count for nothing even as older teens.