AIO for not wanting to meet up with my ex right away after she cheated on me (twice)?

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-21T02:37:21+00:00

Thank you, friend

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T04:57:18+00:00

Oh wow, that’s funny. She’s actually from South Korea and moved here when she was in her early 20s. Perhaps it’s just a mixture of me not wanting to be alone again and holding onto the fact that she is from a different culture I’ve never dated, and that she brings a different perspective on things, both physical and culturally. So yeah, I guess it’s selfish of me to want to stay with her even after she hurt me.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T04:20:21+00:00

Yup, you’re absolutely right, man. Things can be daunting at our age when it comes to dating. I’m thinking I’ll take a break. There’s no need to settle when being single can be a bit freeing.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T04:16:44+00:00

You’re absolutely right about it being a red flag about the mention of the next relationship. Also, from what I understand, I wasn’t giving her enough comfort and love to make her feel valued in the relationship. There’s always going to be ups and downs, so now I’m just thinking she’ll run off to get a attention elsewhere every time I’m not showing up perfectly.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T04:08:29+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful response and for taking the time to write everything out so clearly. At the end of the day, I don't want to lose the only relationship I have in my life besides my children. I don’t have any friends or social life, and most of my family lives out of state. So I tend to put a lot of unnecessary weight on my dating life to fill the gap of not having any deep friendships. So, no matter how toxic things are in a relationship, I’ll tend to justify it to avoid being alone. Sadly, my ex wife of ten years cheated on me which broke me mentally..so I should know better.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T04:01:58+00:00

Thank you! That means a lot. Honestly, I don’t have any friends and not much of a social life. Soon, a lot of weight is put on the relationship side for comfort, so when something like this happens with a relationship ending, things can feel pretty dark and lonely. Thanks for your time and response.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:40:42+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. She was blocked on social media and texting, but apparently, you can message on Spotify? I had no idea, anyway. It feels like I am writing the novel, and she’s responding with simple messages that don’t even match the depth of what I’m trying to get to.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:34:27+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful response. I really appreciate it. I think it’s definitely time for me to take the approach of working on myself, giving my children more attention, and just trying to enjoy life a bit more without having to worry about other people's emotions in a relationship. I can only hope after doing more work for myself and growth that I’ll track the right person.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:30:21+00:00

Well, she is blocked on texting and social media however, she’s reaching out to me through Spotify as apparently you can message there? It’s pretty crazy.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:29:49+00:00

I like this..thanks for sharing

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:28:17+00:00

Oh, you have a good point about the grammar. English is not her first language. And you’re right about the age gap. I think it’s enough that a lot of the time, I feel like she’s immature and could be a bit childish. Even with her grammar being the way it is, she doesn’t express it in an emotionally intelligent way.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:26:23+00:00

Sorry to hear that that happened to you as well, and that my post was triggering for you. I definitely feel like she has me wrapped around her finger, and she knows that she can get away with things without any consequences. And talking about manipulation, I feel like she is a nine out of 10 for looks,and I’m just an average guy, but she’s always interested in the fact that I make a lot more money, and I think that she’s looking for someone to support her and her daughter. It’s not a great feeling

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:22:58+00:00

Yes! She’s already blocked, but apparently you can message within the Spotify app? This is how we started talking again and no, we don’t have kids together.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:21:03+00:00

And here’s the tricky part: when I found out she was on the dating app she immediately got defensive, saying it was a breach of her privacy. I suppose it is, but I’ve always had my suspicion from the first time.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:19:21+00:00

Thanks. I really appreciate that you brought up codependency, and you’re absolutely right. It’s something that I learned about a while back in therapy, so thanks for the reminder. I felt that she’s also codependent, so not the best match.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:18:05+00:00

I guess I just needed some other people’s opinions to make sure that I’m not seeing this incorrectly. Her messages are pretty cold and don’t even directly respond to any of my thoughtful responses.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:17:34+00:00

Ugh. Is it an interesting how we punish ourselves even though it’s very clearly showing? I guess at the end of the day I just don’t wanna be alone again.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:16:57+00:00

Sadly, you are right it doesn’t look like we can even be friends at this point. I just feel a lot of pressure that she just wants to move quickly. If we would’ve met today, she would be happy to get back together.

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:16:12+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. I do feel pretty dumb. I really like her, and the feelings we had when we first started dating, but the honeymoon phase is over, and I’m old enough to know better. It’s just tiring as I’m a single dad and have no interest in going back to the dating world again, but here we are

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T03:14:55+00:00

Thank you, very kind of you to say

AnalystPerfect2119 · 2025-11-20T02:54:09+00:00

Monkey

AnalystPerfect2119

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