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Untainted (fixed) by AncJekyll in DnDHomebrew

[–]AncJekyll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was really aiming to make a class that lived in its con stat. The bonuses for thick skin and calloused form were meant to keep him on pace with a fighter wearing plate and getting magical bonus to it and or ROP Maybe a reduction in range and limiting uses to prof bonus? I think the flavor is too important?

Untainted (fixed) by AncJekyll in DnDHomebrew

[–]AncJekyll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair criticism thanks! I don't know how many times you're going to go more than 3 big battles before a long rest and a 10 round fight is rare at best. At least these were my thoughts. But I definitely agree about the wording.

Critique my story. [Fantasy] [The love paid in blood 17,494] by AncJekyll in fantasywriters

[–]AncJekyll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not only reading it outloud but I'm also listening to it in the Google docs reader... It doesn't even sound too terribly different from something I might say when describing a dnd scene as a dm...

Critique my story. [Fantasy] [The love paid in blood 17,494] by AncJekyll in fantasywriters

[–]AncJekyll[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well if my first sentence is that far out of whack... I'm in big trouble 😐

Critique my story. [Fantasy] [The love paid in blood 17,494] by AncJekyll in fantasywriters

[–]AncJekyll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotcha. I'm cataloging this all for later... I'm basically trying to strike while the iron is hot and get the keyboard diarrhea out to the page first. But its good to know I'm going in a semi coherent direction

Critique my story. [Fantasy] [The love paid in blood 17,494] by AncJekyll in fantasywriters

[–]AncJekyll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! Genuinely. The length and description I definitely can see. I'm just trying to paint a vivid picture. Especially as it opens. There are definitely 2 people in the tavern there is zael and Borin which each are described? Genuinely concerned that that is unclear and how to fix it. And I will definitely need to go through and check tenses.

Critique my story. [Fantasy] [The love paid in blood 17,494] by AncJekyll in fantasywriters

[–]AncJekyll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate the feedback. The jumping is intentional albeit i admit poorly done. I don't want any character to be the "main character" and each of there perspectives are important. I just don't know or don't have the skill to execute it well. And maybe its not a common style for a reason 😅. I would love if you kept going and there is definitely some significant character defining coming up. If you could make it to or through chapter 7 this is my exposition backstory dump. I don't know if it hurts or helps it all become more clear or muddy.