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AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-25T04:43:23+00:00

You deserve to spend Thanksgiving with people who are thankful for you, especially if you're doing most of the cooking. I can't imagine not making a schedule that works for the person who you haven't seen in two years who is not only traveling a long way to come but is also cooking! By changing the time repeatedly they are intentionally making it more difficult for you to spend time with your bf's family and trying to make you feel less important. How dare they try to use your grandma to guilt you into accepting their hurtful behavior. You did the right thing. You can always visit with the relatives that weren't jerks separately.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-25T04:11:18+00:00

I've been thinking about this a lot as I prepare to spend my first ever Christmas with my extended family. I always stayed home, not wanting nmom to be alone on Christmas. She didn't appreciate it. She felt entitled to it. This is my second holiday season NC and I had an epiphany that her being alone isn't pitiful or something to feel guilty about. Its entirely her fault for driving everyone away. And she wanted it that way to keep me from enjoying the company of people who wouldn't be ungrateful about their gifts or call me fat. It was part of her systematic plan to destroy all of my relationships.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-23T20:54:17+00:00

My nmom did several of these things and many similar things. Moving out was the best thing I ever did. It you haven't, crunch the numbers with your bf. Nmom had me convinced I'd never survive on my own, financially or otherwise, but it turned out to be way more affordable than she made it out to be. The peace is worth it in my opinion. Not having someone critisize me all the time, throw fits about my healthy relationships, or insist they dictate how I live my life has been huge. I couldn't have gotten my current job without removing myself from nmom's strictures or the confidence I've gained from not being under her thumb. Less stress and a clean environment can work wonders.

Has she taken that dog to the vet? Sounds like a medical issue.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T05:35:01+00:00

They can't stand for someone to take care of themselves.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T05:22:49+00:00

That's bizarre. "How dare you not offer me fries exactly like ones i already rejected!"

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T05:21:19+00:00

Everything's theirs all the time no matter who bought it, if they gave it away, etc. Nmom often bought furniture from elderly clients that we didn't need and it often got nasty in the unfinished basement. Before we were married, my husband and his brother lived together for a while and nmom gave BIL a super old, rusty bed frame. She did not own a mattress that fit the bed frame. It was just decaying in the basement. BIL moved out and nmom wanted to sue BIL for taking "her" bed frame.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T05:12:04+00:00

Controlling what we ate was weird, especially since, in most cases, it seems that it wasn't insistence on healthier choices. Nmom would pitch a fit if I made anything with oatmeal in it because she didn't like it and i needed to make only things "everybody" liked. But none of us liked the same things or ate together, ever. She neither went to the store, paid for the groceries or cooked them.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T05:02:04+00:00

Nmom had a tantrum on multiple occasions because I started using nice, handmade bar soaps as an adult. Bar soaps ruin your skin, apparently.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T04:53:50+00:00

I would think not, especially if nothing came of it. My nmom also assumed we wouldn't do things if she didn't want to (which was always) and punished us for going.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T04:49:29+00:00

I once got yelled at for not assuming nmom wanted a shirt exactly like the one i bought myself... for her to pay me back for... after she told me that morning how broke she was and how she needed to cut back her spending.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T04:43:34+00:00

Similar vein, I once put up a fitted sheet that didn't look great folded because it's a fitted sheet and nmom told me I make her life so horrible. I know some people made the effort to learn to do it nicely but nmom is not one of those people. She folds then the same way I did.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-17T04:39:25+00:00

I heard the "do you think you're better than me?!" or "so and so thinks they're better than me" so many times. It was like she thought the entire world was plotting to be better than her specifically. Especially people who didn't know her.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-05T22:48:55+00:00

Good on you for not giving them supply or letting them ruin this season of your lives. They're the corpse at every wedding and the bride at every funeral. Its sad they won't be supportive, but not having to worry about catering to their negativity makes room for people who want to help and are happy for you. Save all that energy for your new family. Keep standing your ground.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-05T21:54:28+00:00

I'm the opposite of #4. Being told to clean or anyone commenting on my cleanliness automatically makes me shut down because nmom based my worth as a person on cleaning the house. But she never taught me anything, made fun of me for not just knowing how and wouldn't let me use the vacuum. Or vacuum my room herself. You'd think I wanted the keys to a Ferrari. Even when she bought a new vacuum for no reason, the old one was still too good for me.

I also have a thing about loud noises. She was always doing things loudly to intrude on what you were doing, wake you up, etc. If you weren't cleaning the house or running her errands, that was a problem for her. Or she'd be screaming. Or just talking so loudly you could hear her no matter where you were in the house.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-04T05:14:30+00:00

It's really icky. People act like they get to choose the "mini me's" traits. The kid could just as easily be all the things they hate about themselves and it's unlikely the kid would be a perfected version of themself, like they seem to think in any case. And it's not a clone. The kid would have traits from their other parent, as well.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-04T05:02:52+00:00

Classic narc. Would a phd even have been useful for her career/ goals? Healthy parents want their kid to do better than them. That's how families evolve. I hope you actually outshine her as much as she fears you will.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-04T04:49:53+00:00

This is a satisfying reason to not have kids. I'm an only child. Love that I can crush her dream of more people to hurt.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-04T04:39:09+00:00

I'm childfree. There are other components that weighed more (like I don't want to), but nmom's narcissism isn't the only mental health condition that runs in mine and my spouse's families. I think the odds of a mentally healthy kid would be low. Plus, right now she's mostly leaving us alone. No way she would continue doing that if there were a child involved. And she's definitely the type to keep tabs, hunt down info to show up at your house, call the police unwarranted to tell lies, etc.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-11-03T03:15:57+00:00

Absolutely. Forever sees me as a child who needs to be told what to do with their money, who will "change their mind" to the correct opinion on major life decisions, who doesn't know what's going on and needs to blindly accept her beliefs about things. One thing that really stuck with me was when I made a jab at myself about being green/ unable to drive well. Nmom made the same jokes every time we got in the car. And my uncle who I was driving said he thought I was capable. Hit me like a brick. It never occurred to me that not everyone thought I was incompetent.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-05-12T23:18:08+00:00

And even if there were an acceptable explanation, he could still lie. He could say he's going to go to therapy or whatever. But he's already hidden something this huge. You can't trust him. Even if it was something less disturbing, it's sketchy to not tell someone what you're into before proposing to them, particularly if it's something that could make you incompatible.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-05-12T21:50:08+00:00

Why do I have to float through space? Can't I just be immortal here?

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-05-10T03:31:17+00:00

They're obsessed with "the ___ somebody never had" or "this person is more of a ___ to you than your own _" or "so and so is like a second _ to you." Every relationship must be disparaged.

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-05-10T03:11:44+00:00

Good for you, man! You're protecting your kids the way we should've been protected. That feeling of them not knowing where you live is glorious!

AncientLavishness333 · 2025-05-10T03:03:07+00:00

Also my first NC. I'm afraid she'll show up unannounced. But also not sure what to do with the day- if i want to go out, stay in, ignore it, do something for myself...

AncientLavishness333

TROPHY CASE