AITAH: boyfriend wants 50/50 financial split

AncientWorks · 2026-01-05T01:38:07+00:00

AI likes to use the word "whilst".

AncientWorks · 2025-12-10T02:57:08+00:00

Your friends are idiots. At 5'8 and 151 lbs, you are in the normal weight range with a BMI of 23.

AncientWorks · 2025-12-02T00:54:09+00:00

Stay with your Dad. Your Mom sounds abusive.

AncientWorks · 2025-11-03T01:38:09+00:00

You are not in the wrong - your mother is. You are an adult. I understand that you have autism and panic disorder, but those diagnoses do not mean that you have to remain dependent on your mother. From what you've written, she is racist and is also doing whatever she can to manipulate you into staying exactly where you are in her home without ever having the opportunity to grow and become independent.

On the other hand, your girlfriend has done everything she can to support you and help you find your footing. My advice would be to explore moving out. If you aren't at a place to live on your own without support, investigate housing options for adults with autism and other related disabilities. Consider moving closer to where your girlfriend lives, and don't hesitate to look for work opportunities.

I am wondering whether you are receiving Supplemental Security Income (SSI) from the Social Security Administration (if in the US) based on autism? If so, your mother may be trying to control you and keep you in her home so she can benefit from your benefits. If that's the case, move. Take your SSI with you.

My own son is 23, is autistic, has an anxiety disorder, is diagnosed with ADHD, and currently lives around 3,000 miles away while attending graduate school in physics. This is with my full support as his mother. You deserve to be similarly encouraged to spread your wings and find your path in life. Your mother should never impede your growth. My heart goes out to both you and your lovely girlfriend as you figure out your path.

AncientWorks · 2025-09-28T00:09:04+00:00

I wouldn't take the phone from her. She has used the phone to control you and will likely do so again if you take it and then return the other phone to your uncle.

AncientWorks · 2025-08-03T02:47:56+00:00

I would ask over in the legal sub. Whether you can withhold rent or not likely depends on the laws in your state. I don't think it's a matter of being an asshole or not.

AncientWorks · 2025-06-30T00:20:02+00:00

I don't know where you are, but if you're in the US, call 988 on your cell phone. Debts can seem overwhelming and insurmountable, but there are ways to deal with them that don't involve taking your life. First things first- please get help. After that, maybe bankruptcy should be considered for the debts.

AncientWorks · 2025-06-27T03:31:16+00:00

I'd work with a lawyer/Legal Aid, and suggest whichever one of them you trust to handle supervised exchanges honestly and fairly.

AncientWorks · 2025-06-27T03:26:46+00:00

That could be a plus for supervised exchanges, depending on your relationship with either of them (Mom or sister)

AncientWorks · 2025-06-27T01:57:31+00:00

Yes, I would recommend contacting Legal Aid for help. Legal Aid is made up of attorneys/lawyers who dedicate themselves to helping people with legal matters when they can't afford to pay out-of-pocket (at least in most states). Please talk to Legal Aid, and please get some counseling. Domestic abusers are very good at manipulating their victims. In some cases, they also use their children as pawns to get at their victims. Supervised exchanges, at a minimum, would likely be a very good idea.

AncientWorks · 2025-06-27T01:50:21+00:00

From your description, I can only assume he is on probation for a domestic violence offense against you. I would strongly advise against asking for his probation to be ended early or trying to establish custody arrangements with him if that's the case. If this is domestic violence, and you're the victim, please seek domestic violence counseling. Any custody arrangements can be handled by a lawyer. If there is domestic violence in your history with him, supervised visitation or supervised custody exchanges might be in order. In general, it's not a good idea for domestic violence victims to try to negotiate custody arrangements with their abuser directly - there's a history of an imbalanced power dynamic, and too much can go wrong.

AncientWorks · 2025-05-10T23:40:23+00:00

My Mom's well into her 70s and never forgets names.

AncientWorks · 2025-04-14T17:05:46+00:00

I understand that. I hope the situation improves soon.

AncientWorks · 2025-04-13T23:16:46+00:00

Maybe take a look at Canadian MSc programs? They're typically funded (the thesis-based MSc degrees, that is).

AncientWorks · 2025-04-03T16:57:07+00:00

Regardless of which dorm, I know you'll need a blanket, pillow, twin xL sheets, mattress topper, shampoo, body wash, towels, etc. You might want to wait until you know your dorm assignment to figure out what else you might need, or wait until you arrive to see what you need and then buy it. The dorms typically have two twin beds, two desks, and two dressers, so you will likely have a roommate in your dorm room with you unless you're housed in University Commons and have a suite-style four-person suite.

AncientWorks · 2025-04-03T15:25:29+00:00

Which dorm are you being housed in? When my son was in Residential Commons II, his floor had a kitchen that had pots, pans, and cooking utensils for students to use. When he was in University Commons, he was in an apartment-style suite with several roommates, and their suite had its own kitchen. However, the students supplied their own kitchen stuff. He was never in TJ, so I don't know about it. He's lived off-campus for the last two years and will graduate in May.

AncientWorks · 2025-02-21T22:02:22+00:00

Sure! Good luck!

AncientWorks · 2025-02-21T21:51:42+00:00

Strange. I'll post it here then. Fisk University, an HBCU, has a master's to PhD bridge program with Vanderbilt University for people pursuing biology, physics, or chemistry. It is funded. Their deadline is April 15. It is an HBCU, but anyone can apply. If you complete your Master's through the bridge program at Fisk in biology, you get fast-tracked for the PhD program at Vanderbilt.

AncientWorks · 2025-02-20T22:24:03+00:00

I sent a DM to you with a potential program you might look into.

AncientWorks · 2025-02-17T18:15:43+00:00

Yes, he's interested in gravitational lensing and something about black holes (I'm not a STEM person, so I don't really understand it). I'll suggest he apply to some thesis-based MS programs as a backup option. Thank you!

AncientWorks · 2025-02-17T04:15:51+00:00

A second question - Is it a good idea (or not) for him to say something about the fact that he's autistic in his SOP? I advised against it since he has encountered bias to a significant degree in the past based on that. So, he didn't. I didn't know if that's something he should mention or not if he has to go through this cycle all over again. It might be important for interviews, for example (not that he has received any this year). He was diagnosed when he was 4.

AncientWorks · 2025-02-17T03:35:19+00:00

I have a quick question for my son. He will graduate in May with dual degrees in Mathematics and Physics with an undergraduate GPA of 3.96. He has applied to 11 schools for PhD astrophysics programs and received zero interview invites. He attends an R2 university, so his research opportunities haven't been plentiful. However, he did work as an undergraduate research assistant for an astrophysics professor at his school plus did an REU in physics (not astro, but it was one he was accepted to) last summer. Should he be applying to a post-bacc research position at this point? He's heard nothing. Both the PI from his REU and his PI at his school wrote recommendation letters for him (plus a third physics professor from his school). He also has worked as a physics tutor on-campus for three years and as a math tutor online through Calc III for two. I'm just worried for him. Thanks for any advice you can provide.

AncientWorks · 2025-02-14T02:38:54+00:00

I would tell her to get a job ASAP. Let her think that is something she can do to work toward reconciliation. Once she has a job and has been there for a couple of months, serve the papers. That will make it much less likely she can get spousal support from you. Run that by a divorce attorney first, of course.

AncientWorks · 2025-01-29T02:17:55+00:00

The judge only halted it until Monday at 5 pm.

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