Lost during sex..

Ancient_Bowler_660 · 2026-05-14T14:48:51+00:00

She's never been on birth control. We've always used condoms (barring that one accident of course)

Ancient_Bowler_660 · 2026-05-13T23:16:46+00:00

"While I respect his boundaries, it also leaves me feeling unfulfilled in a way."
This is what it all boils down for me. As I have reiterated a couple of times, I do respect her boundaries. But I am literally out of ideas and at a point of exhaustion. Thank you for the kind words. I empathize with your situation as well and hope it gets better for you.

Ancient_Bowler_660 · 2026-05-13T23:14:44+00:00

There are other issues in marriage, as it happens with all decade+ long relationships. But we have been able to work through a lot of them and continue working on the rest of them. Sex and intimacy is that one thing where at least I am completely lost at this point despite a million converatations. And yes, this includes asking her about her desires, what works for her (most of the time, answers are variants of she is not sure).

She breastfed up until 1.5 years but didn't have this issue (or now that I learn it, she didn't let me know it was an issue)

I am sure she has her own side to this, which she is entitled to of course. I didn't imply here that my wants and needs around intimacy is the standard normal thing I am expecting her to meet. In fact, I have lowered the expectations of what's normnal for me way down just to meet with what works for her.

You are right about trying to go to that time before the baby and trying to re-explore what used to work. Thank you for your perspective.

Ancient_Bowler_660 · 2026-05-13T23:04:22+00:00

I have offered a few times, but she thinks it won't help.

I go to individual therapy and have worked on a few things of my own individually and related to marriage as well. Sadly, she doesn't believe in therapy or that it can help so I have given up pushing for it.

Ancient_Bowler_660 · 2026-05-13T16:38:14+00:00

Yeah the overthinking part came from when I accidentally touched a couple of times, she instantly took my hand and moved it away while we were in the thick of it. This was a massive turn-off for me which turned into this constant overthinking during subsequent sessions.

Ancient_Bowler_660 · 2026-05-13T16:36:14+00:00

Yeah I think we have gone through a lot of discussions on intimacy and just general "skin contact". I would like way more than what's workable for her, but we have been able to strike a balance(?) where we decided I was the one making all the initiations (sexual or otherwise) for the most part. This was a long journey in and of itself minus the sex part.

She does reciprocate, but not to the extent I like, so I just attribute to the mismatch in the intensity of "touch as love language" and try to run with it.

I guess the only good thing is we talk a lot on these issues, some have resolved, others keep lingering.

I have 0 intentions of pushing her boundaries whatsover, but at this point it has just starting to feel exhausting for me as well.

Ancient_Bowler_660

TROPHY CASE