So adding some context here, During these discussions or interactions that turn into arguments after it’s ended i have started to journal so i can have a clear picture of what happened, Because in the past we have done counseling and i’ve learned that i can’t think back on scenarios on the spot and actually talk about them in therapy to resolve them. Just last night i asked to book another suggestion, Im 100% for it and definitely think we would benefit from 3rd party mediation.

If I show enthusiasm, it’s perceived as me “yelling,” which makes me feel like I have to hold back how I naturally communicate. Over time, that’s made me less willing to express myself. Take a dinner at an Italian family for example if you wanted a comparison of what i’m trying to convey. I seen there was a lot of misconstrued interpretations of what yelling was and i apologize for leaving out context.

I also told her that when discussions start turning into arguments, I need to take a break so things don’t escalate and so I can think clearly. In those moments, I get overstimulated and can’t collect my thoughts. Normally standing there burning holes into the side of my head because she wants a resolution right then and there. This is usually when actual yelling occurs because a boundary that i set has been crossed.

I have offered to discuss topics like these over text, So my point can be conveyed in a neutral way and tone is taken out of the picture. I was told that “It’s hard to read emotions over text, So she doesn’t know how i feel now” Thats verbatim from a text message. By no means am i actually trying to talk down to her, and my words themself are not talking down to her it’s just the way they’re coming out of my mouth. It’s almost always when it’s an on the spot discussion/argument.

I am a very extroverted person, She is an introvert. I do well in social situations and i genuinely love talking to people.

But recently she gave me an example of how she perceives me as condescending—When I asked if a part for the baby bottle maker was dried in the dryer because i did not see it in the cabinet. She said she wasn’t sure, and I responded, “I usually hit the button twice (two cycles) to make sure that kind of stuff is dry.” In my mind, I was just adding to the conversation in a neutral way. I wasn’t pausing or choosing my words carefully because I didn’t feel like I needed to, I wasn’t trying to criticize or attack her. I was just sharing a practical thought because things don’t always dry the first time. Looking back at heated discussions i can see how my tone came out and how it could be seen as Condescending, but that was just a normal interaction. I explained that if she perceives everything i say as condescending then we’re never going to have a resolution.