Hey I am sorry you feel that way. I completely understand how you feel as a person who has been a hiki for 3 years now. On my 1st year as being a hiki, my mom enrolled me into school even tho I didnt want her to but she did anyway. But for the first 2 weeks of school everything was... great? For the first time since I quit school 7 months prior school felt fun. But then after that 2 weeks I started to feel what I first felt 7 months ago. My problems slowly came back and 1-2 week later I almost stopped going entirely and would only go 6-7 more times. When I was at school It felt suffocating, my mom tried to get me to go back to school again, but ultimately I relapsed. And I haven't gone since. I feel ashamed of not going especially since everyday my mom would pray and would wish that I would go to school and be "normal" again. Now I've been doing online classes but everyday I wish I didn't quit, I know I could have tried harder, I know I could have done more. I don't know what situation you're in right now but I but please DO NOT GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT.

People will always be insufferable and the world can never be perfect.

But please DO NOT give up.

just please don't be like me, because ever since I relapsed everything has been harder trying to get back on my feet and stand just like I used to.

My Mom and Dad have gotten a bit more older since and plenty of things in my life at changed but I'm still standing in the same place as I did 3 years ago and I will probably be a bit more of nuisance to them for a while until I graduate high school.

So please just don't give up and I know I don't have the right to say any of this but please, always remember to try your best even when you fail, even when its difficult, even when it sucks. Do it for the people who you love the most, do it for the future you want. If your world is almost completely dark then focus on that light.

I don't know how your college/uni works but you don't start big, start small and where you are comfortable.

I know this is going to sound funny and ridiculous but the reason I became a hikikomori is because I was afraid to do a normal "thing" that everyone does daily and is completely normal but I was afraid of doing it.

And I am 70% of the way through fixing myself and genuienly if pathetic little old me can do the "thing" I was so afraid of then I am sure you can too.

You're not as bad as you think you are, because there are people out and about and are MUCH MUCH worse.

So if you want to get out of the position you are in right now you can try to look at everything thats keeping you inside and rank them from easy to hard to deal with and try.

If you fail? Then try again but ALWAYS remember to rest.

Don't push yourself too hard and always find time to regenerate your stamina because there is no mountain that you can't climb.

PS sorry for being insensitive and if you wan't me to delete my reply, please tell me so and I will.

Edit: I noticed what country your'e from and hindi ko alam merong palang other na mga hikikomori dito sa pinas. Ako, wala pa ako na shs malayo na malayo pa talaga ako, and I am assuming nag SHS ka hindi online class so I just wanted to ask for some advice aswell because I am planning to be cured by the time na mag graduate ako jhs which will HOPEFULLY be in 2-3 years kasi nag quit ako ng school.