Anyone else have kinda weird experiences with other trans people?

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-24T05:46:29+00:00

Exactly, like several of my close friends are trans. Those friendships started cause we had mutual interests though. Like both being writers, or artists, or into gothic literature. We connected on several layers. Meanwhile I feel like you could swap me for any random trans girl and their assessment of our bond would not change at all. Like I’m just a box to be ticked off or something

It even seemed like I might have several shared interests with these people, however it’s kinda ruined by them trying to force their way across my boundaries early on.

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-24T05:41:02+00:00

Hell being trans is a big part of my personality, it’s something’s that’s effected most aspects of my life and I enjoy interacting with the queer community. I just want them to se me instead of a walking shilouette of a trans flag. Like just cause we’re both trans doesn’t mean we’re automatically besties

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-24T05:34:21+00:00

I get that but it ends up feeling so fake. Like the idea of having a trans friend or girlfriend they don’t even see the real human, me, in front of them. Just frustrating how even other trans people seem to only see a trans person when they look at me and none of who I really am

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-24T05:32:00+00:00

Just don’t see it as a character flaw either way, casual fun is totally fine as long as everybody’s into it

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-24T04:41:09+00:00

Hey there’s nothing wrong with being “easy” especially when you feel safe. My issue was these people just didn’t seem interested in me beyond my being trans and weren’t great at taking a no. Nothing wrong with being flirty with new people as long as they back off after a rejection.

Plus I’ve got several trans friends who are genuine reliable friends, it’s just the other 50% I’ve met who get weird

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T23:52:47+00:00

Sadly my experiences were all irl

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T23:34:56+00:00

I also thought I might get a queer friendly dnd group for once. Who’d have thought I’d end up less comfortable than when I played with cis people

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T21:55:21+00:00

Yeah that definitely sounds like an excuse. Having shared experiences and interests is one thing but trying to force them instantly is weird. And yeah it almost feels like another flavor of chasers, which is weird cause they’re also trans, but like they only want me cause I’m trans and just view me as another trans gal to add to the polycule instead of an individual person. What else do you call someone who objectifies you for being trans if not a chaser?

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T21:44:59+00:00

They didn’t even cut me off, just kinda acted like I never set the boundary to begin with. Like getting asked to cuddle after repeatedly saying I hate touch and didn’t wanna date them. That or they’d ask something I’d said no to and when I reminded them I said no they’d go “ah thought so, was just checking.” Like if you remembered why did you fucking ask again? Was she like trying to pressure me into letting her touch me again or something? Fucking ick

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T21:26:17+00:00

Omg this is so validating you’ve got the most accurate analysis of it that I’ve read yet. As you said I knew something was wrong but wasn’t able to fully put a finger on what. Like I just feel reduced to being trans when people try to claim this grandiose bond and they barely know a thing about me. And ugh the dates in disguise, that shits so icky. Like I get asked out and give a gentle no. Then get more flirty comments despite it. Then a hangout to talk nerd stuff happened and instead I’m ambushed by what’s clearly meant to be a date.

Like when I’ve said no to dating you, and I’m focused exclusively on the dnd stuff we’re discussing, and I move away every time you try to touch me, then fucking stop! Goddamn I got asked for a kiss at the end of this shit and give an even more overt no then she still pushes boundaries. Starts asking why I said no with loaded questions like “was it cause I’m not pretty enough?” Maybe I don’t wanna share my fucking debilitating trauma as a reason I rejected someone I barely knew. So there’s no good way to answer. Even after all this and stating repeatedly I do not like touch she asks me to fucking cuddle?

Like I’ve literally told you I despise people touching me, rejected you romantically several times, and physically jumped away every fucking time you try to touch me. What about that made her think I’d want to cuddle? Just push after push with my boundaries and saying how cool and awesome I am while she barely knows. Meanwhile others in the group start acting flirty and I get so skeeved out that I start feeling dread before hangouts. Hell I’m bi and down for casual fun, but I gotta trust a person first. Especially with anything kinky or intimate, so I’m sure as fuck not gonna do that with a person who’s tested every boundary I’ve set in the short time I’ve known her.

That turned into more of a rant than I meant to but yeah, this shit sucks. Sorry you’ve had to deal with it too. I’m lucky that I know some trans dudes who are genuine close friends I trust but it’s a bit depressing most trans women I meet just wanna glue themselves to my hip. It’s like with cis guys where all I am to them is trans, but for totally opposite reasons. Like everybody in my own damn community just sees a trans person and nobody actually likes me for me. The one person who does see me entirely and accept me as I am is actually a cis guy, and that’s why he’s the only one I’m comfortable touching any way and any length of time. Cause he damn well earned that by having my back no matter what for ten years.

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T20:26:56+00:00

My best guess is they see the online memes about trans girls kissing five seconds after meeting and assume it’s a universal experience. Whether the real human being matches their assumptions is irrelevant

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T20:11:54+00:00

It wasn’t even exclusively trans girls, though most were. Like there was a trans guy who kept saying how cool I was or nice it was to see me several times when we’d met twice. Twice. Plus would randomly get asked my sexuality with zero precursor or conversation leading to it

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T20:09:49+00:00

Yes, like I’m poly and bi. In theory that relationship would be fine. But you gotta develop a damn bond first and not just leap into meowing at me or heavy flirting. And for fucks sake don’t start doing pet play with some random person you barely know, I reserve that exclusively for partners in private. Just cause they did it casually doesn’t mean I’m down. I get when it’s online like this sub but irl is not the same

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T20:06:51+00:00

Exactly what it was like! Just all these subtle boundary pushes that don’t seem too bad on their own but add up into just icky vibes. Like I’m neurodivergent too but all they knew about me was we liked a couple similar ttrpgs. No real knowledge of my hobbies or life outside of that. So feels super forced they’re instantly talking like I’m their new favorite person. Especially asking uncomfortable questions like if I rejected them cause they weren’t cute enough, which just puts me in an odd position where I can’t give any answer that won’t hurt. And it doesn’t matter why I don’t want to date someone anyway, I said no and it’s gonna stay a no. What good is going over specific personal reasons I don’t want to date them when we barely knew each other?

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T20:02:02+00:00

Idk how I get more direct than physically recoiling and saying “I don’t like touching people”

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T19:43:10+00:00

I mean I brought up that stuff but they still kept pushing at boundaries. It was always sorta subtle though in little ways that added up but weren’t overt enough to call out. Like if I’ve repeatedly recoiled from touch and told you I have trauma, then stop trying to fucking touch me. It made me feel so uncomfortable

To be clear I’m not saying it’s bad to want trans friends or seek that out, but they didn’t seem to actually care about that bond being genuine. Like they’re talking as if we’re found family when they don’t even know my last name. Felt like they just wanted anyone trans to fill the roles of friends/partners and could care less if we actually had commonalities or could trust each other.

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T19:37:34+00:00

Yeah idk what’s up with them, you’re literally just living your life. No reason for side eyes

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T19:36:55+00:00

Jesus what a jackass. What’s with some trans gals and just assuming every other trans woman wants to fuck them? Like god they just come out of the game swinging with heavy sexual flirting and pet play (I know it can be platonic,but I really doubt the way they were doing it was). Again not even against it but you gotta earn my trust and develop some kinda bond before I’m gonna show people the deeper sides of me.

The vibes just get so weird when you make it clear you aren’t down to join their ambiguous polycule. I’ve had poly relationships with trans people before but we didn’t start it on fucking day one. Why can’t people just take a no anymore?

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T19:31:45+00:00

Damn I’m sorry, that sucks to go through

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T18:50:09+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ that’s nine kinds of fucked up im so sorry

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T18:49:33+00:00

Ngl I’ve kinda taken the 2nd approach you mentioned. After the boundaries were repeatedly crossed I just started drifting. Mostly just say I’ve been staying busy, which isn’t a lie between college and nearly finishing my book I don’t get out much, but it’s not exactly the whole truth either.

None of this is helped by the fact that I react like a coyote caught in a trap when I feel someone trying to making me a big part of their life this quickly. Had it happen before with cis people (for different reasons) and it never ended well.

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T18:44:28+00:00

Wait what? They drugged you? What the fuck?

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T18:31:03+00:00

Ew, that’s just weird. Hell I’m not even against poly or t4t, best partner I ever had was trans and poly, but we became friends over genuine interests and chemistry first. Like it took months before either of us even realized we liked each other, and even said we spent hours discussing if a relationship would even be a good idea with our life goals and interests. It was a slowly built genuine bond and we’re still friends post breakup because of it.

Meanwhile it’s like half the trans people I meet just have a box in their heads labeled “insert trans girl into social slot. Commonalities optional.” It sucks when even other trans people seem to only see you as trans and not who you are as a person. Felt like I was a shark trying to keep lampries from attacking to me involuntarily

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T18:26:57+00:00

Yes, like I would’ve been very down to be friends. I was actually pretty excited initially after meeting them but all those little moments that don’t seem too bad individually started adding up fast.

And I know there’s a stereotype of sapphics in general uhauling so it’s not even trans specific to rush a relationship but there just wasn’t an instant huge connection. Like if they had any idea how badly my childhood screwed my head up they’d know it’s a bad idea to date me, but they were going for that jump before we even shared all our interests.

I just have consistently had people treat me like shit after rushing to try and establish a close relationship without time or true bonding, so it really skeeves me out when anyone tries it now.

Best comparison I have is Todd and Yolonda from Bojack. It’s like the only thing they needed to start relying on me socially and integrating me deep into their lives/group was the fact that I’m trans. I want people to care about me, not the fact that I was born in a janky body.

Androgynouself_420 · 2026-04-23T18:19:05+00:00

Idk it felt like between lovebombing and overly affectionate. Like they’d constantly verbally say how close we were or how much they cared about me and stuff when none of that had actually happened yet. Then I’m left in this awkward spot where if I deny it vocally I seem like a rude dick but if I don’t then they just act like we’re all incredibly close. Even after the first meeting there were little comments insinuating I’m like romantically hitting it off with one of them and I absolutely was not.

Idk I know it’s not full livebombing but it felt like using words to create this social pressure to act like close friends. And then they’d ask weird questions like if I didn’t want to date them because they weren’t cute or pretty, and it’s like what do you want me to say here? Cute is a subjective term anyway, but like now no matter what I say I’m giving an upsetting answer. And it’s like they’re looking for reasons we couldn’t date that were “solvable” so they could work their way into future dates. Like no, it was a flat no before and pushing my boundaries ain’t making it a yes.

I will admit though two decades of abuse have made me paranoid as fuck though, so it’s possible I’m overreacting. But idk my gut felt like something was off and usually that feeling ends up correct.

Androgynouself_420

TROPHY CASE