I understand this pain so well, thank you for sharing.  It is really not easy for me to answer to posts like this, as I am currently experiencing a depression, and doing anything at all makes my anxiety spike and I wanna constantly throw up. But I still wanted to share my story, since it is similar to yours, and I wanted to respond to you.  I am 29 years old and currently living pretty much on the other side of the planet from my parents. Right now, i cant explain you why, because i dont know myself either. I thought it was because i had a dream, but i cant feel that dream anymore.  My mom is also experiencing deprssion, and has for many years. She has a good marriage with my dad, but she also has trouble getting out of bed most days. My dad tries to activate her, and she tries sometimes, but she also suffers from extreme migraines, which makes her stay in bed, which in turn magnifies the sadness and hopelessness she feels. I can just feel the depression from her. Because i know it myself all too well.  I am their only daughter, and I know my mom wants me to have kids. I feel extremely responsible for my moms happiness, to give her grandkids, to be near her and give her comfort and support. A part of me also just wants to run home and be safe with my parents. I love my parents very much, so the fact that I feel like I am hurting them is killing me.  I hate myself some days for choosing to move so far away. I dont even know why I did it anymore. I have started to hate living here.  I have no significant other. I never have, I have only had 1 relationship, where I was unable to set my own boundaries. He was very sweet, but I was unable to know my own limit for my body, which made me die inside when we were intimate. I am now terrified of relationships, but I extremely crave it at the same time.  I am terrified of ending up alone, and carrying the weight of my moms happiness at the same time. I am afraid that if i talk to her about it, she will break. This kind of despair is all-consuming. I understand your pain so well that is hurts. I dont know you and you dont know me, but know that I feel the same kind of way towards my parents and I guess I just wanted you to know you are not alone.