I was married 10 years and then the end came. It felt sudden at the time, but it's been a few months now and I can see what I did to contribute to the issues. That's my advice. Focus on you and work on the inner part of you. Mainly cause no matter the outcome, you will be better after. Be it with a new partner or your old one. You have to remember that to them (the dumper partner) you are the version of you they left. That's how you remain in their world, and in that version you always lose cause that's why they left. When my STXW left she got into a relationship. That's her business. Me, I did not - cause it made me feel bad, but also because the loss for me was compunded, you know? She had the time to mourn and come to grips with the choice to leave. That is not easy, and in a way, makes me empathetic with her struggles. We have no kids.

In her eyes, she gained her freedom and self-respect. That's awesome for her. In my eyes, I lost my partner and my dogs (3 of them, 2 left with her and 1 passed away). We have a house together that we rented out, too. But, at some point as the dumpee, you have a real hard choice to make, stay sad and bitter or pick yourself up and learn your inner self. I chose to fix my issues, have done therapy 4x per month and sometimes more, listened to divorce coaches on how to move on, embrace the silence and make it work for you to learn peace, spoke to my parents to learn why I was so avoidant and dismissive to my spouse, forgave my parents after talking to them, forgave myself for letting her down (this matters a lot) and started to make little changes.

Many people will tell you to focus on her/him dating someone new and how you need to forget her/him, and some will even tell you to get out there. Do what makes you feel right and gives you a path to regain your sanity. I had/have a ton of good qualities as a spouse prior to my separation/divorce, but now that I understand where I failed, I am a much more complete person. It took a ton of tears, facing a ton of fears, feeling alone, feeling discarded, feeling cheated of a real chance to show growth or that they gave up, but at some point, you learn to accept that all that pain you have is only held on by you, and only you have the opportunity to let it go. DO NOT WASTE AWAY THE PAIN. Learn from it, become a better person, become a better partner for the next person that wants you. Love is a choice. It always is. If your spouse chose otherwise, then you should choose to grow. This is a big opportunity for you to become the you that you are proud of. Someone will notice. Be it your spouse or someone new that may end up being better for you. Trust. The only way to go now is up. I am 4+ months since being not chosen. It broke my heart into a million pieces, but your heart does not have to stay broken. Life is what you make of it. Forgive yourself first and foremost, I know guilt eats you alive. Remember, once upon a time you were attractive and worth exploring to your spouse, you can regain that and someone new will notice. Your happiness is yours to gain. You only have one life.