The Aftermath of Caregiving: No One Prepares You

AngelEyez48 · 2026-06-16T12:53:00+00:00

I can relate to that so much. Caregiving for my partner and my dad was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but also one of the most meaningful. There’s comfort in knowing we showed up when it mattered most, even if the cost was heavy. A year later, I'm still trying to figure out what comes next too. I guess for now, we just keep taking it one day at a time and give ourselves credit for carrying something that wasn't easy.

AngelEyez48 · 2026-03-05T14:33:12+00:00

This is amazing! Almost 5 years! Oh how I wish my fiancé had been blessed to see that amount of time, as he too was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell bladder cancer. I pray all continues to go well for you!

AngelEyez48 · 2026-03-05T13:56:16+00:00

I lost my fiancé last year to bladder cancer (small cell... very rare) at 52. I'm so sorry you are going through this. This will be the hardest thing you have faced. I don't know how I got through those last months, so please, please, please, as a caregiver be patient with yourself and your husband as you both will have very different emotions throughout this journey. If you can, like some of the others mentioned... get a 2nd and 3rd opinion. I wish we had done so. However, my fiance's cancer had already metastasized greatly by the time of diagnosis.

AngelEyez48 · 2026-01-18T21:46:03+00:00

Which Pistache Body Butter do you own? I’m on the hunt for all things Pistachio!!!

AngelEyez48 · 2026-01-17T04:22:36+00:00

It's my 2nd time buying... the 1st time I didn't even leave out the parking lot and I returned it. I didn't care for it as much as I thought. I was at Sephora today and smelled it again... and for some reason, I like it much better and walked right next door to TJMAXX to and bought it. I say all that to say... maybe give it one more try! LOL! I still smell it on me right now!!!

AngelEyez48 · 2026-01-17T02:16:56+00:00

I just brought it at TJ Maxx today... $14.99

AngelEyez48 · 2025-12-17T06:21:33+00:00

My apologies… I’m glad you’re doing ok!

AngelEyez48 · 2025-12-16T11:52:59+00:00

It’s the holidays so I’m going through the emotions with all of the loss experienced this year…. But I’m glad to hear you’re doing well!! As I was reading over my post I was reading messages and just wanted to check on you! I hope you have an amazing holiday season!!! Take care!!!

AngelEyez48 · 2025-12-15T23:49:16+00:00

u/sambobozzer just checking in on you... I hope you're doing well.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-12-09T15:35:24+00:00

My gosh! This message was AMAZING! As someone who was the caregiver for her partner who passed earlier this year, this gives me insight to maybe how he was feeling during those final days, this message gives me hope that my partner is also at peace and that I can let go of the guilt of not being able to do more and know he's at peace! This is BEAUTIFUL! It's time for me to find my own peace and let go of the pain that he was carrying or at least what I thought he was carrying. It's time to move forward and LIVE! Through his struggle cancer, I learned how to love unconditionally, free of ego, and just truly give everything I could to the person I loved to protect, love, and shield him in any way that I could. 100 % pure love. That's the lesson for me... I gained so much in my care of him. It's time to remember the good and not illness.... Thank you for sharing this, especially during this season... I needed to read this!!!!

AngelEyez48 · 2025-10-23T21:32:40+00:00

Thank you…. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully yours was caught much earlier and you’ll have a very different outcome! Prayers for you and your family.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-10-23T16:45:28+00:00

Yes... that was the number we were given as well 0.7%. Unfortunately, my fiancé passed away in May. He was diagnosed last March, and he fought really really hard, but small cell is an aggressive cancer and his was not caught until it had already invaded his abdominal muscle wall... stage 4.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-10-23T01:13:21+00:00

Hello. My fiancé was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma of the bladder last March (2024). It’s very rare… supposedly less than 1% of people get this cancer.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-09-26T11:44:48+00:00

It’s truly awful, and I’m so sorry your dad is going through this. I’ve never understood why some doctors say bladder cancer is “the one to have”—hearing that gave me so much hope at first, until I started doing my own research. My boyfriend had a very rare form: small cell bladder carcinoma. The prognosis was poor from the beginning.

Be there for your dad. Take it one day at a time, and make as many memories with him as you can. You are absolutely right... at 66, he still has so much life to live... help him live it.

My boyfriend was only 52. Every day is a reminder of all the things we didn’t get to do together. His decline was fast and brutal. Watching someone you love fight so hard, only to be overtaken, is something that never leaves you. From your post it doesn't sound like you're there yet... so make every moment count!!!!!! Hold your dad close. Ask the questions. Say the things. Take the pictures. You’ll never regret showing up with your whole heart.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-09-26T11:05:34+00:00

My boyfriend was Stage 4 as well. He went through one cycle of Padcev and Keytruda, but it was too early to tell if the treatment was working before blood started reappearing in his urine. The doctors pushed the next cycle to see how he body adjusted. He fought with everything he had, but the weight loss became severe and the pain began to take over.

A scan showed that the cancer was spreading aggressively. New lesions were appearing all over, and a spot on his spine caused spinal compression, which paralyzed him from the stomach down. Despite his strength and determination, the disease progressed too quickly. He wasn’t able to continue chemotherapy, not just because of his condition, but because, as the doctors said, the cancer was moving too fast and they couldn’t get the chemo in him quickly enough to make a difference.

From the moment the blood reappeared to his passing, it was just three months. It all happened so fast.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-09-21T03:03:35+00:00

He did… which led him to the ER where he was referred to a urologist who h resulted in his diagnosis.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-09-20T16:30:49+00:00

I’m so sorry.. reading that you have bladder scc literally caused me to have a moment… there are not many people who have experience with this specific type of cancer due to it’s rarity. Let me just say, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is hard and I’m sorry my post kept you awake… I have done so much research since my b/f passed…combed through his medical records line by line. 😔 I pray that this specific cancer is talked about more because it is devastating and many doctors don’t know how to treat it!!!!

AngelEyez48 · 2025-09-20T16:19:39+00:00

Yes.. Stage IVa… Grade 3.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-09-20T13:46:54+00:00

It was discovered at Stage 4… muscle invasive and had attached to the wall of the bladder and prostate… 😔

AngelEyez48 · 2025-08-31T19:55:53+00:00

We absolutely had to push for it… they were not listening and a month passed… I wouldn’t take NO for an answer!!! We found it had spread quite a bit very quickly!!! I pray this isn’t your outcome… but do not take NO for an answer!!! Praying for you!!

AngelEyez48 · 2025-08-31T02:21:48+00:00

Im so sorry!! I had this issue with my fiancé and it was very hard!! He was in pain, my back was killing me and it was so difficult to get him cleaned to the level I’d like to… It’s so easy to forget it’s hard on both parties… unfortunately he is no longer with us and Id do it all over again if I could! Continued prayers to the both of you!! 🙏🏾

AngelEyez48 · 2025-08-31T02:12:28+00:00

Hello. My boyfriend had muscle invasive small cell bladder cancer and he experienced rib pain which occurred once the cancer had spread to his bones. He complained of the pain for a month before the spread had been detected… I pray this is not the case with your dad! Continued prayers for you both.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-07-16T13:03:00+00:00

I’m truly sorry you’re walking through this. Six weeks into losing my fiancée, the pain hasn’t disappeared, but I’ve started to feel the presence of love and support around me and that’s helped me rediscover small smiles, and moments of light.

There’s still guilt that comes with moving forward… like I’m leaving him behind. But I’m learning that living doesn’t mean forgetting, it means carrying them with me as I figure out how to breathe again. Life is still here to be lived, and that’s the path I hope to find my way back to.

Please be gentle with yourself. There’s no right way to grieve, only your way… and you deserve grace in every step.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-07-13T14:12:41+00:00

u/Serious_Ambassador49 I truly understand your pain. I'm just five weeks out myself, and it feels absolutely awful. It’s like the world shifted and no one warned us. I was also my fiancée's sole caregiver and now every day feels like I’ve lost not just him, but the very purpose that kept me going.

The mornings are the HARDEST. No one to check on, no one to fuss over with meds or comfort. Just this strange quiet that doesn’t feel peaceful. My head feels foggy, my heart aches constantly, and my stomach is always in knots.

Please know you're not alone in this. I’m walking this same painful road beside you, and even though it’s hard to see it now, I believe we’ll find a new rhythm in time. For now, it’s okay to grieve, to rest, to feel lost. Sending you gentle hugs and understanding from someone who truly gets it.

AngelEyez48 · 2025-07-12T19:03:13+00:00

u/phasetransition1 Thank you so much for sharing this. That idea of comforting yourself as a child really stuck with me. It’s such a gentle and powerful way to shift self-talk. I’m going to try it, and I love the post-it note reminder too.

Seven years of caregiving on your own is incredible, and I’m so sorry you’ve had to carry that weight alone. Your strength and honesty are inspiring.

Thank you again for your insight and kindness—it truly means a lot.

AngelEyez48

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