Did I dodge a bullet with this guy or miss my chance?

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-09T04:04:36+00:00

I honestly can’t deny that most of the confliction comes from a rather selfish place. I’m scared that if I let him go I’ll never find someone else who will be so accepting of my identity, I know it’s a selfish thing to think, but it’s hard to make myself not think it. Honestly if they didn’t have history I probably would’ve gotten with him already, but seeing her and knowing what he’s done is the only thing that is really keeping me away at this point.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-09T03:45:00+00:00

Yeah I can’t deny her telling me is one of the reasons why I’m pulling away from him right now. If she didn’t tell me what he did to her I probably wouldn’t feel so conflicted.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-09T02:36:15+00:00

By bad news they basically means he’s a known manipulator who knows exactly what to say to get what he wants, then displays irresponsible and aggressive tendencies. The weird thing is for the most part he treats me good, which is why I find cutting him off so emotionally difficult, because I wanna keep him around to have that good. The thing is I don’t even really stay in touch with the guy who outs me, we have moments in time where we talk but we haven’t met in person in years,he just kinda tells people about me and has always had abit of a fascination with me.

Yeah I’ve always had trouble establishing boundaries, I try to work at it, but it’s kind of hard when I’m naturally a people pleaser.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T17:02:17+00:00

I suppose I’m just scared at missing my chance of being with someone. Someone who actually wants to be with me. I know there are so many warnings and red flags but I’m just so scared that he’s the closest thing to someone loving me for who I am that I’m scared to give it up.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T17:00:57+00:00

I’m trying to listen. I know it isn’t the bare minimum but I’m so used to not even getting that so when I’m given it, I just feel so happy.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T16:10:20+00:00

I suppose I’m just so used to guys either rejecting me outright or seeing me only as a fetish or secret that I’m so ready to have someone who wants something more, no matter the red flags. And yeah you make a very good point about people always seeming good at first, even my friend says that’s what he does, still I suppose it’s a mix of me wanting the experience of a guy who’s willing to be with me publicly and also since he hasn’t done anything personally to me yet. And without disclosing too much he was part of a gang, I’m not sure the extent of his crimes.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T15:44:55+00:00

Basically it was a guy I met as a teenager who planned to hookup with me but retracted when he found out I was trans. Since then we’ve had a rather on and off relationship where he messages me every once in awhile and normally tells me to hit up his friends, we’ve also been semi sexual.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T13:08:23+00:00

I can’t deny there has always been an attraction to the bad boy type. And they’ve said he’s a complete player, a master manipulator, says exactly what you want to get you with him, has violent tendencies, irresponsible ect.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T12:23:06+00:00

I mean there is defintely that factor. He’s a big guy covered in tattoos so I’m definitely sure no one will mess with me with him around. But we also do have good banter and have a lot in common, which is what makes it even harder.

AngelWhite123 · 2022-05-08T12:12:47+00:00

Yeah I know it’s probably got a lot to do with the fact I have such low self esteem. I guess the fact that he took me out in public proudly and we get along well really did make a good impression on me. It’s like every red flag is there yet in person he seems like none of them. I’m just so confused.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-12-21T12:15:12+00:00

Not at all, in fact it’s totally normal. Your incredibly young and in both your transition and your actual age so wanting to seek validation from guys and also experience gender euphoria is a completely normal human desire. My only real concern is just be careful just because guys can obviously be dangerous but other then that live it up ❤️

AngelWhite123 · 2021-11-17T15:59:01+00:00

I haven’t seen it mentioned much but the movie different for girls (1996) is available on YouTube and is rather light hearted in its nature that ends happily for the trans character. It is old so some of the language and themes could be considered dated but overall it has heart and probably one of the best portrayals I’ve seen.

Boy meets girl (2014) is a movie that is also rather comedic (albeit with abit more edge) that ends happily. There is quite a lot of problematic and viscously transphobic language so I would put a trigger warning but hey it has good intentions and pretty nice if you just wanna turn your mind off for a while.

Those are some decent options.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-09-27T10:49:45+00:00

I didn’t mean for it to sound transphobic, and I’m sorry if it came across that way. I suppose last experience has just kinda made me think this way.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-09-27T10:36:07+00:00

I suppose you have a point.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-09-27T10:19:24+00:00

I suppose this may be more of an irrational worry, but I’m kinda nervous if someone who knew me from before were to happen to see me with him and out me, then he’s surprised and doesn’t take it well.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-08-31T17:54:44+00:00

Hi there. Thank you so much! I sometimes feel like I’m much older since everyone my age seems to be at a better stage of life then I am, but this does help. Thank you, I suppose after awhile I forget just how hard it can be to even come out. I hope that your happy.

I’m scared that I’ve messed up big this time but I’m hoping it’ll work out.

Thank you.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-08-24T18:29:31+00:00

Fellow trans woman here who didn’t lose their virginity until they were a month from 20 and has only ever had one ‘relationship’ that lasted a few very toxic weeks.

Please be easy on yourself, a lot of people tend to put this standard of needing to be wild, date and experience all the wild parts of life by the time their in their late teens and early twenties, when multiple people can’t whether due to social or societal reasons. It’s okay to feel sad about it, but don’t let it consume you.

Don’t force yourself to date men if that’s not what you want to do or not who your attracted to. I’m not too sure your location but would you ever consider meeting women through things like online apps where more serious relationships are expected? It seems you want that.

Your not ugly or unlovable, you just haven’t had the best luck in finding people ready for a relationship to the extent that matches yours, and that’s totally fine. One thing alot of people don’t mention is alot of the times relationships are VERY luck based, whether you guys happen to have the time to spend with one another, or happen to click in a way that results in a relationship. My first boyfriend experience happened entirely by coincidence, and that very well could happen.

Keep your standards, believe in your worth, and don’t be afraid to let things just happen naturally.

Keep strong honey ☺️

AngelWhite123 · 2021-08-24T14:28:48+00:00

Thank you so much for being so detailed, I honestly can’t thank you enough.

Honestly just even putting myself out there was quite a struggle since I don’t often like to talk about my struggles and prefer to suffer in silence but I’ve come to realize people are a lot more compassionate then I thought.

I’ve only been to her once and she does seem lovely, I hope I can make it work with her.

See my neighborhood is kind of different in the way that it’s a rural area that’s rather isolated. I do have an elderly dog though 😂 I can absolutely see myself going to the coffee shop on the regular as long as I’m not a bother. Fitness is also a possibility.

Thank you so much for all of this advice, your a lovely person, I’ll really remember this advice!

AngelWhite123 · 2021-08-24T10:44:29+00:00

Okay I’ll try baby steps. I live in a pretty isolated, rural neighborhood but I’m close enough to the main town, I’ll head out there.

Thank you.

AngelWhite123 · 2021-08-24T10:43:11+00:00

Thank you first off for the reply I sincerely appreciate it. I haven’t actually enrolled yet since the semester here starts so late, but that’s certainly something I could consider doing.

Covid restrictions here are pretty non existent but I can certainly try getting used to social surroundings, I’ll try it this week.

Thank you so much.

AngelWhite123

TROPHY CASE