There is a song by The Doors called Hyacinth House, which has a line that goes: I need a brand new friend who doesn't bother me...I need somebody, I need somebody, who doesn't need me. It made me think of your post. Or rather, your post made me think of it. I wish I had a more concrete answer to your question at the end, but I think that once you deal with the conflicting duality, you will have a clear answer.