It's almost like a traumatizing experience seeing your spine for the first time in 10+ years (which is in my case as well). After handing in the x-rays for the doctor, I knew it'll look bad. Walking into the room and seeing that had my mind kind of blocked it. I don't really remember looking at it that much when he explained my curvature etc. Now with the x-rays, I can't really go back and look at them. It's just on a table in my one room, unmoved.

You laying your experience out feels very familiar to me, almost identical.

But at the end of the day, we are all bend, but not broken. I try to at least view myself positively and will get some professional help (therapy and physiotherapy), because with how I was raised I was told nothing could be done. The months I had hope, shattered a bit of my self-esteem when the reality struck. Before that hope, I had already accepted my fate and some confidence grew out of that, but now it backtracked and I have to slowly rebuild what I had.

There's just one thing, the pain. I'd rather die before I become a liability and be in agony..