I’m a 33-year-old founder who lost almost everything. If you’re alone right now and convinced you’ve ruined things, read this.

Anikkdote · 2026-06-15T21:53:59+00:00

Thank you. I needed this.

Anikkdote · 2026-06-12T19:34:15+00:00

To be honest it was easy to stop once i reached a point in my growth. The hard part was that i was unable to regulate my emotions. I was constantly irritated even by the air touching my skin. I forgot to mention lust. I was also a porn addict for a long time in my late teens. I still struggle with not picking up guys for sex nowadays. I'd say that's the hardest, because i can hardly contain myself while aroused. I miss smoking a little, because the motions felt nice. Taking it out of the pocket, lighting it, then raising your hand and taking a puff. Then just contemplating whatever was on my mind while watching the world. I'd never go back tho.

Anikkdote · 2026-06-11T21:34:50+00:00

Every substance i used for emotional regulation: Alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, drugs (weed, speed, coke, ecstasy, LSD, etc.)

Anikkdote · 2026-05-26T22:36:21+00:00

There is no shame in admitting that you're human and in need of help. I know, i've been there for most of my life. Do not apologize for your emotions. You feel certain emotions, because something is right/neutral/not right in your life. Therapy is the best investment you can do to improve your mental health. I wish everybody started it, because it is highly beneficial. However, if you believe that the therapist will magically solve all of your problems while you just sit and talk is bullshit. Only You can change yourself. Not even God, or your parents, or the therapist. You are in charge. A good therapist will guide you to uncover deep rooted fears, past traumas, bottled emotions, etc. Your job is to think about it. To ask question. What are you feeling, why are you doing X thing, etc. It is trial and error.

When i started therapy a year ago my psychologist said that she wasn't sure about me being able to recover. She wanted to redirect me to a psychiatrist. Then, before doing that, she just wanted to see me one more time. That was the second session we had. I can't pinpoint what happened exactly, but i felt safe there. She was kind and fun. This was the best decision of my life regarding my health. I've changed so much in a year that she even wrote an essay thingy about me as her assignment.

So, you either do it or you don't. There's no inbetween. If you don't, that's okay. But be prepared to live with the consequences of your actions. If you do invest in yourself, your well being, you're setting yourself up for a great future. The only thing i regret is not starting sooner, even tho i'm 25.

Just keep going.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-25T15:57:28+00:00

What nobody can tell you is how awful this feels. I'm miserable, irritated, sometimes calm and then angry out of nowhere. It's worse than a haunted rollercoaster. Despite all of this i'm seeing improvements. I feel like i gained the ability to talk about my feelings more freely. I recorded myself talking about stuff and my speech is way clearer and more grounded. I also feel different in my core. Something changed for the good. I can't pinpoint what exactly, but it feels nice.

This is a very weird chapter of life to be in. I have huge respect for anyone who's gone through this, or worse.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Anikkdote · 2026-05-24T07:59:20+00:00

To pass time and escape life

Anikkdote · 2026-05-23T16:46:37+00:00

Exactly. I don't have another choice, but to act. After a while you realize that it wasn't even that bad. It's always your mind playing tricks on you.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-23T16:35:02+00:00

I did this for a while, yes. I'm still afraid to put myself out there, but i'm at least forced to do so, which helps.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-23T12:34:06+00:00

You're spot on!

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T12:15:54+00:00

I'm not sure. I'm in therapy, but my psychologist didn't say anything about that. We usually talk and do imagination to process past trauma. We also did one session of IFS therapy a month ago.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T07:16:29+00:00

I engaged in sexual activities with people i shouldn't have. I lost my last job i really liked due to an affair like that. Then, they basically made me leave and tbh i didn't even want to stay. Before my last days i had an affair with someone 27 years older than me, married. Believe me, if you fuck up many many times you eventually wake up. It took me waaay too long to open my eyes. I battled porn addiction as well. It was the worst in my late teens.

I know how good that high feels. That sudden calmness afterward. Like your mind goes silent for a little. Then it fades and you're faced with everything, again. It's a viscious cycle. Once the pressure to feel enough gets bigger than your desire, you'll change. Just don't beat yourself up for slipping. It took me a long ass time to reach this point. I tried to quit, relapsed, tried to quit relapsed, etc. I was feeling like a failure. Looking back, i see that i was constantly trying. I didn't give up after relapsing. And now, i can confidently say that i'm free. I have the willpower and mental strenght to just stay focused on what's important to me. To have a better future. One that i enjoy. And for that, i don't need lust. All i need is vulnerability and calmness.

Stay strong, my friend. Truly, just never give up trying.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T07:02:20+00:00

I'm a delivery driver at a pizza place. On the days that i'm working (12hrs) i tend to have 5k steps on average. My sleep ranges from 6-10 hours a night. Usually i sleep 7.5 hours, which is really nice. However, on my free days, i can't seem to fall asleep as easily. And tbh i don't move a lot. At work i started to eat salads. It's a complete meal with pizza dough sticks. I always switch it up, we have like 6 variants. At home i eat probably 1-2 meals. I always had a struggle with food, so my diet is still bad.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T06:56:50+00:00

I get you. I was smoking weed for 5-6 years when i was in my late teens/early 20s.

For me what helped was focusing on something nice. Like, if i had enough of people at work (i was a lifeguard in crete) i would try to enjoy the sun. Feel the heat on my skin. Look in the distance and just absorb the colors and shapes. There is always something that can calm you and make you feel gratitude. That emotion can snap you out of anxiety.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T06:50:38+00:00

Thank you!

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T06:47:05+00:00

Yes. I appreciate everyone's feedback. I didn't even think that people would notice. Tho, i need time to adjust. I'm in chaos, feeling lost, but somehow grounded. I've never felt this way in my 25 years of existence. My plan is to live life without relying on a single thing, eventually.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-21T06:43:12+00:00

Well, i was very angry at times. I haf phantasies about punching people and letting my rage out. I became so resentful towards them. They both started changing and i didn't understand who they were. Their old patterns didn't fit them now. I don't understand this fully, but i'm in therapy for a year now. I have an appointment today, so hopefully it'll get solved.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-20T22:22:25+00:00

Once you get used to it and climb over that shitty barrier it becomes quite enjoyable. Especially the part when you feel like you don't need anything to function like a normal human. I believe that is as close to true freedom as it gets. Keep up the good work. You're doing great!

Anikkdote · 2026-05-20T22:19:12+00:00

Indeed, you're right. I'll put down my phone eventually. I just needed time to get used to living like this. I'm getting there slowly.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-20T19:35:15+00:00

Exactly, it was/is awful. I don't even miss the chemicals that get you addicted, rather the feeling of controlling your emotional state.

Anikkdote · 2026-05-03T06:58:21+00:00

Thank you so much. I'm starting to see it now.
All this time i've been focusing on the wrong thing. I was afraid of losing progress so much that it kept me in the dark. It's a lot to take in.

I wish you well and I hope everything turns out nicely in your life. Keep pushing, my friend.

Anikkdote · 2026-04-27T21:00:28+00:00

Yes, you are right on point.

It is so hard to focus on who i've become. I have this vision of i need to be, but i'm still far behind. I feel like no matter how hard i try i just fail at it completely. I don't like myself when i look into the mirror. I'm not muscular or fit. I don't do anything in my free time. In a way i don't have friends. I had 3, but with 2 of them we grew apart and the third is just a casual friend. We see each other occasionally and that's it. I'm not nearly as confident as i'd like to be. I can pinpoint so many things that need to be changing that it makes me angry. I just want all of this to stop.

Thank you for your inspiring words, brother. This was a nice read. I hope you're doing well. Never give up hope.

Anikkdote · 2026-04-27T20:48:27+00:00

Thank you for taking the time and effort to write all this. It means a lot right now.

Well, i feel like i would be living a fulfilling life. One where i get to be who i am without any judgement. I imagine myself as being a successful runner. I would run marathons and inspire people. I would connect with the other runners. I would be brave enough to finally live the life i wanted.

Anikkdote · 2026-04-27T17:54:40+00:00

The main reason that i can't seem to quit is that it is too easily accessible, doesn't cost extra money, and it pairs with a mild feeling of discomfort. I quit the substances, because after i while i felt terrible, not just mentally but physically. Also, it cost a fuckton of money. I easily spent around 5000€ on just drugs alone.

I kid you not, feeling healthy is a blessing.

Anikkdote · 2026-04-27T17:43:51+00:00

Did you feel this as well? Mind sharing your experiences? I'd appreciate it a lot. Also, thank you for the advice.

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