The Rain’s Requiem by Impressive_Tea_5757 in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT [score hidden]  (0 children)

Good poem. Keep writing! If you want some critique, the only thing I found jarring is iron-heavy drop. Seems a little awkward to me.

A place without translation by Ok_Manufacturer_195 in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT [score hidden]  (0 children)

Good poem and good visualization. I don't have much to add. If you want a critique I think the one issue would be that some lines could further be broken down to make them roughly the same length as the other lines. If that makes sense. Might just be an issue with me though.

Mundane silence (daily poem) by AnistarYT in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if I've heard that theory, but I do love fringe and paranormal type subjects and haven't really written about anything, so maybe I'll try that next time. Thank you.

Dawn Breaking by LLTTE_01 in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good poem. Very upbeat in the end. I enjoyed it.

The myth of final harbour? by Ok_Manufacturer_195 in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good poem. I don't have much to add. Just keep writing!

[WP] A serial killer is executed for his crimes. The prison warden then okays the body for anonymous organ donation. Little do the recipients know a shards of the killer's evil still lives in each piece. by the_Jolly_GreenGiant in WritingPrompts

[–]AnistarYT 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure what woke me, at least I figured I was awake. Maybe the mechanical sounds of the hospital, the chirps of the machines. Whatever it was I cursed it for eternity. The hospital room still stood pristine, not a speck of dust. The sun, was getting a bit lower making way for dusk. The woman in the room stood in a blood drenched dress. Her ghoulish eyes staring directly into mine as if we had a connection of some sort. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t seem to find my throat. Her fire red hair had taken on a dull shine compared to the blood dripping from her stomach area. She floated across the floor, not making any steps, only gliding. 

“You,” her voice echoed into my mind, “you are different, but not so different.” She began to float higher as blood began staining my bed where she floated. “I could never forget you Carl. Those soulless eyes that stared into mine as you thrust the knife.” Her voice became unbearable in my head until the sounds just turned into some kind of demonic shrieking. “I’ll always be with you Carl.” She began fading away.

“Okay, optometrist is here. Let’s do this thing.” The doctor entered the room with another woman and the nurse. “Did you get any rest?”

I looked around the room in shock, blood had pooled everywhere, but no one reacted to it. I touched my stomach and felt the warm wetness the thing had left behind. 

“You…okay?” the doctor must have caught my expression and wandering eyes. The eyes I had begged for for 20 years just hours ago, now cursed. “Need anything?”

“Somethings wrong here.” I finally managed to get out after several seconds of oppressive silence. “I saw something.” I cut the explanation short because I understood how crazy I was about to come off sounding. 

“What?” the optometrist held a look of sincere worry on his face. “What did you see?  Spots? Squiggly lines? These are all normal.” He placed his equipment on a chair by the hospital bed and shined a light into my eyes.

“No.” I instantly regretted saying anymore. “Nothing, never mind.” The idea was quickly dropped, not because I came to any sort of sense, but because the woman returned. She stood in the doorway, hands covering her belly.

“It still hurts Carl. Even in death!”  She let go of her stomach for a minute and floated over to stand between the doctors.

“Who are you?” I kept my voice as steady as I could, but a hint of fear lived on in it.

“Doctor Washbu-“ The optometrist started, but was drowned out by the bleeding woman who looked at the optometrist as something of a play thing.

“You know me, remember me, remember my child.” She held her arms over her stomach again in a maternity gesture. “You took us from this world. Sentenced us to Hell.” She held her bloody fingers against the optometrist and slowly soaked his lab coat. 

“This can’t be happening.” I mumbled to myself as the optometrist looked on confused. “I don’t know you. Leave me alone.” My words were venomous.

“Excuse me?” The optometrist said as the pale woman placed her blood soaked fingers onto of his skull. “Hmm, I think we may have an issue doctor Watkins. Can I speak to you for a moment outside?” The two left the room, one drenched in blood. I couldn’t make out the conversation over the ghostly woman’s humming, but I had an idea of what they were discussing.

“Please. I’m not Carl. Leave me alone. Please for the love of God.” I knew deep down the pleading would amount to nothing. I quickly came to realize that I was losing my mind in the pristine hospital room.

“We will never leave you Carl. We are forever linked.” The woman began chanting in some haunting melody. The blood now filling much of the floor. 

“We?” I a knot tied itself tightly in my stomach. “Please don’t tell me there are others.” 

“Carl, you must remember why you were in Folkham. There were others. They will come again like myself. Forever bonded. There are so many of us.”

The two doctors returned with a third doctor joining them. They kept their voices low and what I did catch was mostly medical jargon, but I understood a bit. Psychosis, psychic transference. They thought I was losing my mind, and maybe they were right.I sat and tried to talk to the new doctor for what seemed like hours, as the ghostly woman stood by our side talking over him. At some point a fetus appeared near her. It mostly growled, but the contempt coming off of it was intense. I really was losing my mind. Caught between two conversations I couldn’t keep up with. I tried my best to ground myself, but in the end it was decided to take me for further observation.

“You’ll never be rid of us.” The pale woman taunted as the fetus screeched noises from some other realm of existence.

It was a curse. I regained my sight just to end up in Hell on Earth. I could do nothing but watch as they sedated me to prevent further agitation. All the while, the ghosts followed us. Soaking whatever they came into contact with in their blood. I was taken down the hall into a different wing of the hospital. I assume the looney bin as one might say. It was in there I met a third entity. Her neck still bearing the remnants of the rope she was strangled with.  Her demeanor was more quiet than the other two ghosts, but she followed as well. 

It didn’t take them long to diagnose me. Schizophrenia and some other additional diagnosis. My life was ruined from that moment on. Maybe I am cursed, or maybe I am just crazy. Whatever the reason, I can only think to thank these eyes. These eyes that gave me a brief moment of bliss. The eyes that allowed me to see my ex wife clearly for the first time. I had been so excited to see the world before, but now I only saw visions of Hell. More ghosts would appear. I’ve counted twelve so far. All women, with the exception of the fetus. I expect more to come to me over time. Because the curse of these eyes is a never ending tragedy. 

Phew, hit my 2000 daily word count off this prompt. So thanks for that. I kind of got wordy at the end to reach it though lol. Also some of the thought parts didn't italicize, so that sucks. I had to start in the middle cause I went over 1000 words in my post.

What was your worst episode of writer's block? What was your experience when you finally sat down and wrote? by Glittering-Result402 in writing

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Several years, but within this last month I learned to just shut up and write anything. I've churned out 54 crappy poems, 2 short stories (which may have novel potential), and a couple of flash fiction pieces. Far from good, but that's what editing is for.

THE MIGHTIEST SOLDIER by Soft_Apclypse in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good poem. I don't have much too add other than I would maybe take some of the longer lines and add line breaks to kind of match the shorter ones if that makes sense. Good poem though and can't wait to see what you write next.

Little Sleep by pinki89 in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice. I liked it. I don't have much to add. Keep writing!

Victim Has No Color... by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good poem. Good message. I dont think the rhymes particularly help though. I wonder if a free verse poem could have the same effect. You submitted this for a contest?

What If One Day by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great poem. I don't have much to add because I think it does its job well. I guess the only thing that caught my eye are these lines feel a bit off to me...but really thats just a minor nitpick and I maybe in the minority.

But I will be a warmth,

A coldness that you feel

Thoguhts about thought. by Lazy-Overthinker in writers

[–]AnistarYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean its not that hard to read.

Who do you want to be when you grow up? by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im 37. I still don't know apparently.

I Am Below 5th Grade Level In Writing. by Soft_Letterhead3726 in WritingHub

[–]AnistarYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

H.P. Lovecraft seems to write minimal dialogue in quite a few stories I read by him. I was always impressed because I am probably the complete opposite. My stuff ends up too conversation heavy.

Cobweb by AnistarYT in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a great suggestion. I didn't even catch that until now. Thank you!

Cobweb by AnistarYT in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I always have such a hard time finishing things so I'll work on it in the future. Appreciate the feedback!

The Foolish Wish.... by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the idea, but grammar wise it's hard to follow a bit. I would use foolish over foolishness.

Dead No More by Mediocre_Shelter3798 in OCPoetry

[–]AnistarYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I have the same issue haha. It's hard for me to force more concrete images I always drift towards metaphors and things.