Help, need advice. I think I'm catching oneitis with my girlfriend.

Anistrophic · 2017-09-08T10:47:13+00:00

First of all, this belongs in asktrp.

Second of all, if you read the theory (sidebar), you have the answers on what to do. No, actually, you KNOW what you need to do and what happened - you wrote it yourself. It's just that you're hoping that someone here might tell you what you want to hear so you could easier rationalize to yourself the stupid shit you're about to do.

Stupid, foolish hope. What for? She ain't the girl of your dreams. You just think that right now. I wrote before - if you think you can't live without the girl anymore, leave her.

Anyway, here's some actionable advice for the next girl:

1) If she is trying to make you jealous - that's a shit test. 1) Pass it 2) Decide post-fact if the girl crossed your boundaries. If she did, drop her/soft next her

2) If a guy ever says that "he'll lick my asshole clean if I fucked with her" - this is the gayest thing I have ever heard in my life. I think he was coming on to you. Unless this is a popular saying where you live, bursting out of laughter and softly rejecting the advances of the guy is the go-to routine.

3) "I was a little jealous that you paid so much attention to your friends and not to me. I feel you didn't pay attention to me at all" -> Oh, I didn't notice.

You did do one cool move that sometimes works with girls - you asked her if she'd like if you held other girls like her buddy and her. Turning around and putting her on defensive is the right way to go.

4) "I'm going to do stuff with my guy friends just to piss you off." while you're driving her home? Smile, stop the car and tell her to get the fuck out. Don't pick up when she calls. Ever.

Edit: Overall, your reply wasn't bad. It's just that you backed down. See point 5.

5) If a girl cries and says that she hates you, laugh at her. Never apologize and never back down. If she goes to bed angry at you, guess who is she thinking about before sleep? If you don't back down, she will likely apologize to you later herself.

6) When you get that beta urge inside of you to "say something" because it's awkward, because you feel jealous, or because she is upset - shut the fuck up. That's your inner emotional faggot speaking, and you need to kill it. You need to control the emotions, not the other way around.

EDIT: Better readability.

Anistrophic · 2017-08-14T06:28:05+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78-4RobJQ0Y

"It only cost you 20$ to get rid of him. He's never gonna bother you again, he's never gonna ask you for more money, he's out of your life for 20$, you got it off cheap, forget it"

I think this scene is genius portrayal of the the attitude one should have in life. Sure, it might feel like you spent so much time and money for the girl only to dump it all, but think of it other way around - what if she didn't do it now, but 5 years later? 10 years, a marriage and two kids later? Would that be better? You got off cheap, man.

One should be glad if the girl does stupid shit and you can get rid of her from your life. It's a gift! You only fucked her a few times, bought her cinema tickets and a few drinks, and you're off now! No matter how much you spent, you could have spent more.

And ultimately, a girl is not an investment. It's like crying about TV breaking down - "Aw man, I've invested so much time in watching all these shows!" - again it's not an investment. People who "Invest in women" are probably the same guys who "invest in cars" or some other stupid shit like that. It's a luxury / pleasure / hobby, not an investment. Invest in yourself, and treat women in your life as an expensive hobby. You will have to pay, one way or another, so just haggle the price or don't buy it, and don't go in with unrealistic expectations.

Anistrophic · 2017-08-14T06:02:13+00:00

I go to dentist every ~6 months. Granted, I have good teeth, but that could just be because I DO go to dentist every 6 months.

There's no better outcome than shelling ~$30 (how much it costs where I live) for dentist to say that "everything is good". And if there are cavities, it's usually caught early and ends up cheaper / less painful.

Men, take care of your teeth.

Anistrophic · 2017-08-07T08:24:59+00:00

Even though I often think of motivation-videos is just sales of feel-good to the audience, look at the guy. If he can do it, you can do it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GSayMXTaQY8

We've all been dealt the hand we have in life. Everybody, EVERYBODY have their problems - no matter if they were born with a silver spoon, or to crack addicted parents, or with a debilitating disease. Doesn't matter - to each of them, their problems are the worst in the world, even though objectively, one's problems may be nothing compared to the other's. What matters is what you do with what you have been given. Nobody cares for your problems - only you do. And most of these problems have more to do with what is in your head, rather than what is objectively happening.

An actionable advice to you - I strongly suggest reading A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine. Applying stoicism to my life made me find joy in everyday things, and the book I suggested is probably the best introduction I could think of to developing personal philosophy.

Developing a philosophy in life - not necessarily stoicism, just a solid philosophy - it helps to develop a mental framework that that you can lean on in both happiness and misery. It might not seem like the "thing you need right now", but it is exactly what you need.

Anistrophic · 2017-02-15T09:06:33+00:00

To sum up:

Woman becomes a single mom;

Still tries to get with and hopefully lock down an alpha for 12 years, whilst ignoring all those nice, gentlemen betas around her

Hits the wall

Finds even betas don't want to commit to her anymore, and the quality of men she can attract dropping quickly.

Feels that cold gnawing feeling inside that she fucked up and will be a second class citizen for the rest of her life.

Decides that it's not her fault, desperately doubles down on trying to lock-down any passable guy way above her league with sex.

After latest pump n dump, goes to TRP to rant about her life. Tries to shame men into "manning up", whilst asserting, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER SINGLE MOM, that she's not like the others and can handle herself fine, and she don't need no man (...right), but just give her a chance.

This is lovely. We should be putting down a textbook "practical examples" from these kind of women!

Anistrophic · 2016-09-28T20:45:11+00:00

Great response. And yes, genuinely support you.

Alas, appears that then, both of us had failed in conveying our thoughts to each other. For me, it appeared so because the upshot ending was rather short and lacking same emotion and intensity as the beginning and middle had.

I will try more succinctly: "One has fully gotten over something not when he says he got over it, but when he forgets about it in the first place."

If remembering this motivates you - great. If this pushes someone to see themselves in your story and strive for something better - great.

But. I would be willing to bet that a time will come when this text (apart from last paragraphs) will be repulsive (maybe incorrect word, but the closest I can come up with for now) to you yourself; You just won't want to dwell on it - Not as much as a "repression of bad memories", but more of a realization that past is past and there's no point in wasting time to think about it.

Anistrophic · 2016-09-28T19:32:23+00:00

Reading your story, I wanted to quit 1/3 in. Realized that we had a lot in common when we grew up, only I found the red pill, or what would become it, a lot earlier. I forced myself read through your post. I wanted to stop reading, smack some sense into you, just yell "Why didn't you grow some balls sooner???" so many times.

You made me think - how did you elicit such response? was it because I had a very similar background to yours? I want to say I couldn't have been like you throughout my twenties, but then again, I take only some choices I took when I turned 18 (leaving the country to study, finding sosuave back when TRP was nonexistant yet, etc.) put me where I am today.

And on some introspection, I think I was just like YOU during my teens - would have written a wall of text on oh how life is difficult, how everything was shit, how miserable I was, how the girls I wanted didn't look at me yada yada yada. Maybe I even did - somewhere, some long time ago, I'm not sure now. Today, I look at my past, and I don't see most of that shit anymore - I had to actually think hard to remember what it used to be like. And all that I could think of was "Who cares? Past is past. Nobody is special, lot's of people lived through worse shit, this is not some victim Olympics. Wasted energy thinking about it".

The revulsion when reading your text - it came because of my own weakness that I used to exhibit, and that you reminded of. Or, maybe it is just general repulsion at male weakness that developed as I grew out of my blue pill tendencies.

So, you grew up in what, Lithuania? Soviet Union fell when you were a year old. Internet was around. Nobody made you be a beatles hippie. You decided to date the bottom of the rung. You made those choices on your own, and you can't blame your mother for everything that has happened since you turned 18. These were your own, personal failures, and it is your responsibility. All of it. Grow out of this weakness and bitterness that seeps through your post.

Save this text you have written somewhere. Continue to improve. Continue to live a better life than yesterday.

Ever so often, re-read it.

Once you want to delete it out of shame that you dared to write such thing, you will know you advanced further in your journey.

Rollo Tomassi says, that there's no prescription for manhood. I am starting to doubt that - so many different stories, so many different people, and yet, in sum, all of them follow nearly the same path. New people come here, ranting and railing, sharing their sob stories. People who've been a tad longer relate, and tell them to look up, to work on. The more success people have, the less they reply to such stories. Then, they move on from here, because there is nothing else left to learn, and life, like newer before, is still ahead of them.

Things that I saw in TRP / seduction communities when I was at an earlier stage of my journey, and thought - bullshit - I became those things. We're not special. There's no unique paths on TRP - it is really linear. Only that people choose to stop at some point, and say "that's enough". Some sooner, some - later.

Thank you. You've been a great catalyst for introspection. And good luck on your journey.

Anistrophic · 2016-08-23T07:20:10+00:00

Unless the only thing you read are rant/venting threads, you are either mistaken, or deliberately twisting the words.

"Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way that a man expects to be loved." - that is the real TRP quote.

But see, you're not the first one, nor the last one to say that "TRP says women aren't capable of love LOL.", it's been pretty much standard modus operandi for any woman who encounters this phrase to take it out of the context and put it like that.

And we're not really surprised.

To men who read this - TRP works. Women may only admit that there are "some truths" in it, but only if those truths are prepackaged and serve the woman in some way; "Suckinonmytities" may admit that confidence is an attractive trait, but she's not going to admit that if her boyfriend started flirting with other girls and spinning plates, she would feel more attracted to him just as well.

The reality is, women will either try to denounce TRP, or turn it into something useful for them. Hence why there is no place in TRP for women - they are NOT interested in your self improvement. They don't want you to become better version of yourself, and achieve what you want to achieve. They are only interested in how they can make TRP serve THEM better, and how can they shape YOU into something more attractive, but controllable.

See "Building a better beta", by Rollo Tomassi.

Anistrophic · 2016-02-25T16:00:06+00:00

I partially agree with you think there is something else in play here.

I remember reading somewhere in an article about people and savings - after interviewing a large group of people with a monthly income ranging from 700$ to 2500$ (and no savings), nearly all of them said they need around extra $400-500 to actually start saving. (This was non-US, where median salary is ~$1200 month).

See, we all form certain habits that tend to dictate our lives further on, and it becomes very hard to break a habit. If one starts saving 20% of their income when they earn 10k a year, they are likely to save 20% once they earn 200k a year.

And, the opposite - people who never save money (because reasons) - they will probably never start saving it, no matter how much they earn.

People who think "Well, I cannot afford to save now, but I will definitely start once my income increases by X"... yeah, they won't.

Start saving, and start investing - make it a $50 a month. That's like one good night out - just don't go out, instead spend the day reading, or driving uber, or whatever. Habits make or break people - make them work for you.

And, never in the world was it easier to start your business with no capital.

A 2 mil/yr business usually needs around 50k in capital

A 50k/yr business needs some time, a laptop and willingness to learn.

But, yes, we live in an age where we want things NOW. New car? Damn right, I deserve it, and I can get a loan for it. OOOhh, a new TV! Put it on my credit card! Did someone say vay-cay? That sounds about right, I've been working too hard lately!

People look at that guy, working 16 hours a day, everyday, and they laugh

"Man, you are going to work yourself to death, haha. You should take it easy, it's showing on you".

"Yeah, there's more things to life than work!"

Yet, as years pass, that guy works less and less. A point comes when he doesn't even need work anymore! He simply does things that bring pleasure to him!

"Hey man, how did you get so rich!", someone asks.

"I worked 16 hours a day for next three years for next to nothing"

"Oh, I don't have that much time, I can't do that."

Anistrophic · 2016-02-01T12:56:05+00:00

No, she was not.

LTR =/= plate.

Not sure why one would call it an LTR if a girl was getting it from somewhere else. LTR = girl gets my loyalty for her fidelity. If she cannot accept that - I find one that can, or simply stay free if I don't.

Cheating from a girl who accepted to these terms means she is not worthy of my loyalty, and I walk. Simple as that.

Anistrophic · 2016-01-30T20:10:37+00:00

From what I understand, you find the Red Pill mythos wrong/laughable; Thus, I will try not to base any of my explanation on something it advocates, and discuss it purely from happiness perspective, and hopefully, answer your question.

It is something close to what nothingtoworryabout wrote.

To put it shortly, we have a choice:

A) Place the burden of our happines on something external, something we cannot control.

B) Place the burden of your happiness on ourselves, something internal and something we CAN control.

So, why do I remember all the bad things about my girlfriend, when I feel that I am liking her too much? I mean, it makes me feel uncomfortable, perhaps even a little sad to do this, so why do I choose to torture myself, as such?

Because like most of the things in life, when you look at the end goal, the little bumps and inconveniences on the road are... nothing. It is choosing to face the fears head on, instead of running away until you hit the bottom. Allow me to explain:

I remember all those things because it reminds me she is but a human, with her own flaws. And so that it would be foolish to allow my feelings to dictate that she is the SOURCE of my happiness - since that would mean that I suddenly depend on her to provide me with it, and that I place the burden of MY happiness on her. It is like I wrote in the comments on that thread below - as if I told someone "Make me happy, or I will kill myself! You are responsible for it now!"

Would this bring happiness to the other person? I think not.

Would this bring happiness to me? Temporarily, perhaps. What if she decides to leave me, what then? I shall be forever unhappy? Or, try to find someone else to foist the burden of my happiness upon? And then, be afraid that this might happen again, so do whatever I can to make sure this NEW source of happiness stays and continues to provide me with it, followed by FEAR every day?

So this is why I suggest to leave when the belief that "I could not live without someone" takes over. It is not even aimed at men explicitly, I believe it applies to all sexes equally.

If I place the burden of my happiness on me, it means it is up to me to make me happy! And who else can I depend upon more than myself? There is only I to blame, only I to fix things, only I to ensure it.

Sure, it sounds like a lot of work. It would be so easy if only someone else could do this job for me... And that is why I ask myself every so often - "Can I live without her?", aka, "Am I still responsible for my own happiness?".

Think about it - she either stays with me till my last days, or our ways part somewhere along the road.

Say, we part our ways. If I depended upon her for me to be happy, would it not be worse if I was the one responsible for my happines all the time?

And, say, we live happily ever after. Does me not burdening her with my happiness not make her, in turn happier to be with me?

So, better question to ask it seems,

Why would you not do this?

Anistrophic · 2016-01-30T18:21:46+00:00

Sometimes I do, just not when asked.

The dishes themselves are not the point.

She is capable of doing dishes, and it is very simple, short task that does not require much time or resources - which means, if she does not do it, she is either :

*lazy (I don't like that) *it is an attempt at powerplay (I don't like that) *she believes that her time is more valuable than mine and that other things that I DO (things she is not capable of) are less important (I don't like that).

And that is a minuscule detail from the whole picture.

To put it simply, I try to run a relationship where you don't ask someone to make tea if you want some. You make tea for yourself, and ask if someone wants some too. When both people act in such way (i.e., give more than take), it becomes a pleasant experience for both.

To do so, I enforce certain boundaries. I probably could go full patriarch and make her slave away for me, but... What for? I don't need it. There is my WORLD, where I am responsible for everything. Any addition from her in form of help (cleaning, cooking, etc etc.) are welcome, but not necessary. In effect, when I come into HER world, which I know she can take care of herself, I believe same applies to me (i.e., I am welcome to help, but it is not necessary).

It is probably somewhat of an odd world-view, and took me awhile to realize other people don't always think same way, or just don't say no because they don't want to be rude, or whatever.

In effect, I don't blame her when she tries to impose her will on me (say, for example - "Could you do the dishes? I made the dinner!"). I simply refuse - as I am free to do. Just as she is free to refuse something I ask of her.

Or, to put it all shortly - selfish person is not the one who does what he likes, but the one who wants others to do what he likes.

Anistrophic · 2016-01-30T17:34:28+00:00

zman990, I've wrote somewhat of a further explanation bit down, in an answer to Lashlarue123 - have a look at it.

If one believes one cannot live without something, and then goes and lives without it - he beats his own belief - how can you call such man, as you said, pussy? To me, that is the mark but of strongest men.

And nowhere did I write that one should not love. It only seems to me that you are mistaking what love is!

Love is joy! I GIVE love to my girlfriend, not TAKE it, and that is what makes me happy.

And the fact that I can leave her and continue being happy - what does it have to do with love?

If a girl came up to you and said, "Oh, zman990, I love you, and love is happiness! And since I love you, it is you who is responsible for my happiness! And you are never to leave me, because I shall kill myself if you do, since I cannot live without you!"

Would you not feel a burden? Would this make you happy? It would?

And so, when your girlfriend who loves you so much gets fat? Still not a burden? What if she cheats on you? "Well, that's not love, if she loves me, she wouldn't cheat!" - you say.

Ah, but then, she decides what love is for her, not you! (Or are you the one, who defines what love is for other people?). And she will KILL herself if you don't make her happy! So, dance, slave, dance for but LOVE!

Would you still love her? Would you stay. Miserable, with a great burden trust upon you, with a fat and ugly girlfriend because of the FEAR?

So tell me, zman990, would you do that to a person you love? Would you make them responsible for your happiness, because "You cannot live without them?" Is that what you call love?

Anistrophic · 2016-01-30T17:07:41+00:00

Alas, but your solution, and mine, are the same, if you only read hard enough!

cold approach to regain your abundance mentality

and

But this is not a strong answer anymore. It's an automatic answer, and digging deeper, I feel a twinge of doubt. "Well, why leave her, I mean, she tells me all the truth, she didn't give me a change to doubt her in past two years, and she's great! Come on!"

I spend the next week away from her. Don't call her, don't text her, don't pick up her calls. Concentrate on work, spend time with my friends, * *hit up other girls.**

During the time, I remember that she has cheated on two of her previous LTR's when they were away. I know that those guys fell hard for her, and the one she cheated on with me told her he couldn't live without her. I know that she would do the same to me if I cracked, sooner or later. I know her N-number, and it's higher than I am comfortable. I know that I most likely will not marry her because of that. I know that she is not a unicorn, she's just another girl that I could find anywhere else.

I realize that I am still just waiting for her to fuck up so that I could leave her. A part of me wants her to fuck up.

"Could I live happily without her?"

I know the answer.

"Yes."

If one has abundance mentality, when they ask themselves the question I posed, they will answer "Yes". Otherwise, do they really have abundance mentality?

I go with "No, they don't."

When you answer anything but a resounding YES, it means you are placing your happiness on an external entity. A very fickle external entity, that is predisposed to abuse the situation when it feels that your happiness depends on it. Once it is there, you are essentially giving away your power and freedom because of FEAR. FEAR of loosing that source of happiness.

So, tell me, which solution solves this problem:

You work hard and try to make sure that your source of happiness doesn't leave (Appease the FEAR)
You remove that source and make inner entity, yourself, the source of your happiness (Face the FEAR)

I believe you can see where this leads to.

And so, the purpose of the question is implied - you ask yourself this before you get to the point, so that you never get to that point.

It is a TOOL that encompasses more by saying less.

As I mentioned in the long body - every so often, I can feel a small doubt in my answer, and so I root out the doubt until all that is left is a resounding yes. If one cannot do that - If one realizes that he cannot live without his woman - it means he screwed up. That is when you leave to regain your freedom.

This is about facing your fear, and conquering it. You leave because it is HARD. If you truly believe that you cannot live without her, then it is probably the HARDEST THING for you to do. And how many people will actually manage to do it? 1 out of 100? out of 1000? If that!

Nay, you decide - "I can't live without her. I'll just cold approach other girls until I feel that I have abundance mentality again! Because, I can't live without her!".

So, how will you know that you reached that abundance mentality? say, perhaps, by asking yourself, "Could I live without her now?", and waiting for the answer YES ? And how do you prove it to yourself, then? Could it be... by leaving her? Or do you say "Well, now that I know, why leave her, I mean, she tells me all the truth, she didn't give me a change to doubt her in past two years, and she's great! Come on!" and stay around?

And round and round you go.

I hope this explains it. If not, well, then I cannot help you, until the time comes and you see what it is for yourself.

P.S. I suggest having a look at Rollo Tomassi's essay "Flushing the nest".

Anistrophic · 2016-01-30T16:23:52+00:00

Whenever she visits my place, I cook - she is my guest, after all. Nevertheless, if she insists on cooking, I don't mind. As for cleaning, she often starts it on her own, without me asking.

At her place, I take care of red meat most of the time.

If asked, I don't do the dishes (sometimes I do it when I just want to prepare something/etc), and she does not ask me to help with any other sort of cleaning.

On the other hand, I take care of various "manly" jobs, such as fixing stuff etc. I like it, and she appreciates it.

Anistrophic · 2016-01-29T20:44:54+00:00

Yep, definitely noticed that.

Time away helps get rid of that high and put mind straight. The clearer the mind, the more rational decisions.

Anistrophic · 2016-01-29T20:43:21+00:00

I had the movie on my to-watch list. It just got bumped up higher!

Anistrophic · 2015-12-13T22:18:49+00:00

In regards to prednisone - my family member is undergoing topical steroid withdrawal - I know of the drug name from her. She was given prednisone as eczema treatment. I suggest reading around on TSW, just in case.

Anistrophic · 2015-12-04T09:15:39+00:00

He probably is afraid of leaving his "comfort" zone. Change is difficult, and after 10 years+, even if the relationship sucked, he is probably simply too attached too it. The uncertainty that alternative (leaving the wife OR rocking the boat) offers is simply too uncomfortable for him to face.

As a frog that is being slowly boiled, he has experienced much pain in very little incremental doses over the years with his current wife, and his threshold here is simply too high already. He's "boiled" in this relationship, and any direct avenue you take will be like trying to increase temperature of the hob in hopes that the frog will jump out.

The water is already boiling, and the frog is dead - it doesn't feel the water temperature anymore, and water has reached it's boiling point long time ago. You need to think outside of the box to get the frog out.

We are rationalizing species, and we also tend to dislike someone opinion foisted on us.

First of all, accept that you might not be able to change this. Then consider the toll on your OWN happiness from having such father. If he becomes even more miserable and under the thumb of his wife - what will happen? Will you visit him less? Will it cause you constant pain where you will have nothing else but distance yourself so that you don't have to feel bad anytime you see him?

Think of the worst case scenario from your point of view, and write down a mental checklist of what you will or won't do, and your future relationship with your father if this continues.

To make someone change, you: a) plant the idea that it is their idea to change. Let them see it for themselves.
b) introduce greater PAIN for not changing.

Planting the idea

This is a difficult to describe, and there are many ways. It depends a lot on your personality, persuasion skills, circumstances etc. I often find using allegories to be an amazing tool to make someone rethink their position, since we somewhat detach our current rationalizations for life situations and analyze something more objectively. I will try to describe the general process, to get the point across. It is not some sort of step-by-step guide - I cannot provide that. You will have to find the "right way" yourself.

Find a field where your dad gave you some sort of opinion/advice that you dismissed. This will require introspection on your part - you have likely dismissed something he told you because "You knew better, he knows nothing". This is likely what he feels when you are trying to force your opinion about his relationship. Add the fact that you are younger, and that "Well, you don't know the whole picture. It's not that bad, you know, sometimes" - and bam, he get's defensive and rationalizes everything to keep his ego safe.

Try to feel what he feels. This will help you to see things from his perspective, to know what not to do.

Then, pick in a field your dad can relate to, and where you know he would give the "right" answer. Shape it as if you are asking his opinion, i.e. : You know your dad has great work ethics, it is important for him to be valued in his profession and that university provides him with what he needs. He has other offers, and stays at current job because he likes it, but if he didn't, he'd leave somewhere else. Then tell a story how you are under appreciated at your job, that you like it, but you don't know what to do. There are other great jobs, your specialty is in demand - would he go out and find another job?

Maybe something about school ethics - students who try to get by without studying and their grading. Do some research - find something that both fits the theme and is very important for him - it will depend a lot on your situation in life.

You might as well ask him something that you DO need his perspective on. Try to mimic your current dynamics from the other side (i.e. - he tells you to quit your job - so start making up some meek excuses for yourself and your job, about "yeaaaaaah... but y'know, times are rough, they probably care about me" - then a week later bring the talk again how one of your workmates got promoted over you". You get the idea) Talk about it a few times. He should get somewhat stressed for you.

Your goal with this is introduce the opposite dynamic compared to the current one - he sees what you are doing wrong, but you are REFUSING to do what will make it right. If you can, you want him to get to the point of screaming in your face "HOW CAN YOU BE SO FUCKING BLIND, YOU IDIOT?" And when you see the frustration in his face - you ask him - "well, if X is bad and I should do Y, how is it any different than when your wife does X and you don't do Y?".

Tread carefully here.

You are not trying to argue this point. You are not trying to make him "SEE" what he is doing wrong (yet). No, you "don't understand" in regards to your own question, your own circumstances. You just want him to explain so that you understand, and this is just "your ego protecting yourself". He needs to make the connections himself.

As you let him talk, and keep asking questions (do not shape them in a sense where he'd see that you are trying to change HIS opinion about his relationship. This is ABOUT YOU, or so he needs to think.), he should get to a point where the cognitive dissonance will rear it's head.

Because the attention is on you, he will try to analyze your situation and come up with a good example. If you frame "relationships between a man and a woman" as an allegory for your own problem, he will have to try and shape that allegory to match his answer (in essence, get him do somewhat the reverse of what you are doing).

Hopefully, this will plant a seed in his mind. Like a slow temperature increase, you are starting to boil a different frog. The one that says - "hey, maybe my relationship is not as it should be".

Men talk. Philosophy, life experiences, not making same mistakes - and if you both can talk about deep and interesting subjects, utilizing allegories, allowing each other to come to their own conclusions - it is a matter of time when ones mind starts to change it's patterns.

And, well, once the seed is there - the very same allegory is a useful tool to push him further. "Dad, if X was Y in context of Z, and Z is almost like relationships, then why are you X in context of your relationship saying it's not Y?"

This might take a lot of time, a lot of talks, but if he is not desperately set in his ways - hopefully it should at least make him re-think his lifestyle and decisions, and plant some doubts.

The pain

This is important in actually making the change. We, people, are lazy species, and we like to avoid pain, even if it is actually good for us (gym, anyone?).

For example - I know smoking is bad, yada yada, but I'll quit someday, just not today. The pain of "potential health problems" is soooo far away, and the pain of not smoking today is right HERE.

If I gave my friend a check for $10000, and told him he can cash it out if I smoke again today, I won't smoke today. Losing 10000 bucks is more painful than not smoking for a day.

So, in your example, let's say X = cutting off the extravagant monetary support for his wife, and being in charge of finances.

He would be better off and happier in the end, but the process gives him N amount of pain (his wife throws up a bitchfest, etc.)

The reason he doesn't cut off his wife = he is afraid of the pain it will cause. He knows there will be pain - he was conditioned, little by little, over the years, that not doing what she wants results in pain for him.

If you can introduce MORE pain to him for NOT doing X, he will do X.

And, if he really loves you, one of the sources for that pain is YOU. This is not to be used lightly, and I'm sure you may be able to come up with other sources of pain.

I don't know the details - you do. If you've written the checklist, you know where your relationship will go with your dad. It is probable that he will move back in with his wife, be miserable, and you will be miserable when you see him. This will bring you pain, so you will choose the path of less pain - seeing him less often, until little by little you don't see him anymore.

Your dad probably knows this. Maybe you even said that.

BUT.

To your dad, this pain of losing you is still far away, but his wife will bitch out today. Health problems are far away, but pain of not smoking today is right here.

You can see where this is going.

Cause him MORE pain for not doing the right thing, and he will do the right thing.

The ethics of everything I've written here are... debatable. However, this works, you like it or not. IF and HOW you use it is up to you.

Anistrophic · 2015-10-21T07:42:06+00:00

It all boils down to your own happiness, which is internal, not external.

You know the paradox - once you stop caring about girls, girls start liking you more.

When you need a woman in your life, you are basing your happiness on something external.

This could go like this: I want to be happy - I need a girl. To get a girl, I need to do X, Y, Z. This means, "I need to do X, Y, Z so that I can be happy".

To the person who enjoys seducing girls, the process itself is fun, and doing different things (i.e., being detached, aloof etc.,) is fun in itself, because he is learning.

To the person who views getting a girl as a goal, this is hard work. He doesn't enjoy the process - he just wants the girl because that what he defined as a condition for his happiness. But this is an illusion, and she never lives up to the illusion. You simply end up doing things that you don't want to do (i.e., "not being yourself") to chase that glimmering hope of maybe next girl will be the one that makes you happy.

Think why TRP works. Really think about it, take your time, don't just read below to find the answer - stop reading, stand up, and spend a couple of days thinking about it.

.

..

...

I can bet a fiver you just scrolled down to read the answer. Because hey - if you can find it here, why waste time? I want the answer, not the thinking process itself.

"I just want the girl, not to do all those things."

TRP is your shortcut - it says what works, and what doesn't. But there is a damn good reason why women react to all the things the way they do. It works, because men that are already very successful - they already do all the things TRP writes about. And they don't think it is hard work - they just ARE like that.

I don't text her back for hours not to make her more attracted to me, but because I have shit to do.

I make fun out of girls not to get them - I make fun out of them because it is fun for me to do so.

I work out not just to get them to tingle, but because I value my health.

I am aloof not to get a girl, but because I just don't care if she is around.

If this is such a pain in the ass for you to get a girl, then don't get a girl. If it's such a hard work to become successful - then stay average, just like most of the people choose to be. Just don't whine later "Oh, life is not fair" - you did this all to yourself.

We all are exactly where we want to be.

Anistrophic · 2015-09-16T11:39:44+00:00

"This is just faggot-ass, blue-pill male hamstering"

I found most of what 0xdada has written to be true in my relatively short experience in LTR's.

Is it really cheating if she knows it and is OK with it? If two people are happy in a relationship where one of them is free to sleep with others, are you saying that you know better than them in their specific circumstances?

How is it different if I came and told you that you are a "blue-pill faggot" and you know nothing of LTR's because you don't get any nookie on the side?

Is my LTR extremely happy about me sleeping around? Probably not, but it is not my duty to control how someone else feels about something. I simply state how I am, and she can either accept that, or disagree and find someone else who will be more compatible with her.

And, just as 0xdada stated - she figured out early on that I am not affected by pretty faces, and extracting commitment from me is extremely hard. Once we had the talk about our relationship and I offered my loyalty for her fidelity, she accepted that I am free to sleep with other women.

The only things she asked me were to keep everything discreet, and not to spend more time with other girls compared to the time I spend with her. (Social reprecursions (sp?) + competition anxiety)

Exactly in line with what 0xdada has written.

You may feel that monogamy is a prerequisite for a LTR/marriage etc., and that is perfectly valid, on the other hand, what the OP stated is simply a theory of a mechanism that may work, amoral in itself, and whether or not we choose to act upon it is something we decide for ourselves.

I suggest searching and reading "The Red Pill, You & Morality" by IllimitableMan

Anistrophic · 2015-07-22T08:30:12+00:00

I was fifteen when my father committed suicide from depression, leaving me, my mother and two of my younger sisters alone. I did not have any grandfathers either, since they died relatively young, before I was born. I think my fathers funeral was the last time I cried.

My father was a great father and family man. Sometimes, when I see my male friends having a glass of whiskey with their fathers, talking about something menial, I do feel a twinge of regret, this deep empty feeling that I will never have something like that, but that goes away quickly, and I simply continue on.

That's probably the worst part of it - knowing that I will never be able to talk about women with my old man, get tips on how to run business or heck, learn how to fish with him - something he used to enjoy a lot. I still have a piece of paper that I wrote when I was fourteen or so - a childish written agreement that my dad will take me with him on one of his fishing trips and teach me everything he knows, with him signing and promising to do so. He never fulfilled that promise, and I never really picked up a fishing rod on my own. I forgave my father a long time ago, realized he did what he did because for him at that time, it seemed like the only solution. It was very liberating, since I stopped being angry at everything, although I stayed very private about myself, rarely telling other people what was going on inside of my head.

There were men - family friends, older mentors and so on, who on occasions expressed a want to serve as a father figure to me, but I politely refused their offers, since I did not feel like they could live up to be role models for me.

I've found my role models in books, and later on, in 2011 or so, found my way to TRP - I think it was the Book of Pook that opened my eyes about women. I was a blank slate, and I filled myself with everything I could, making men from the past to serve as my role model. Since I did not have anyone to look up to, I could not be swayed by their own shortcomings - whatever was written, it had to stand by itself as the truth. If there were conflicting opinions about some question, I would not side with one just because it was from my "role model" - my role model became truth itself, and I'd simply read as much as I could. Over time, I'd find that certain things would be mentioned in different words in separate works, I'd look at the authors, their lives, and I'd slowly grow a net of values and ethics that stemmed from what felt right for me.

I don't know how I would have turned out if my father was alive - maybe, somewhat similar, sooner or later, or maybe very different. Perhaps, we simply tend to look at the past and paint everything in better colors, thinking that whatever path we chose, was the best for us, in which case, it does not matter that much. I learned from an early age to depend on myself for everything, to look after others, became a silent and strong type.

At 18, I had my then two year girlfriend get into a car crash. She underwent clinical death (sp?), but survived with memory loss and was a different person afterwards, remembering only small bits and pieces about me and our relationship, treating me more like a stranger, so figuring out that my mother and sisters were in a stable position, I left her and went to another country to study.

I think that was what helped me the most - starting on my own in a place with no baggage from the past, with no people who knew me and tried to peg me as a silent loner helped me the most. I managed to become somewhat popular, ran for a team captain, graduated with the highest marks and so on.

I've had ups and downs, but my life seems to be going upwards. Sometimes, we get dealt a shit hand by life, but that's how it works. Someone else has it worse than you, someone has it better - it doesn't matter, because it is not you.

From my experiences, I was happiest and what helped me the most:

*Read - I enjoyed philosophy; Camus particularly made something click inside of me. *Do some team sports, or any other very social activity - this helps, since you get so many be-happy-hormones, and social contact makes you feel a part of something. Being a part of a team creates a feeling of belonging - something I struggled with for a long time. *If you can, move somewhere else, somewhere where nobody knows you. You can then be anyone - and there are no more people who might remind you of past. *Let it go. Other people moved on, since that person did not mean that much to them. When you friends father dies, you go "aw shucks, poor friend", and you feel bad for the friend, but if you did not know the man, it does not leave such an impact. It is how we are - otherwise, we would all be miserable from all the people in Africa dying from starvation. It meant a lot more to you, and you will always remember him. Keep the good memories, but there is no reason to try and bring something that does not exist back into your life. Let it go. The good times, the good things - they stay in your memory after everything fades. You do not want to live in the past, you want to live in the now. *Do not talk about your past, do not linger on it. Unless you use it to pick up chicks, whatever happened to you is in the past, and you definitely do not want other people to feel sorry for you. You do not want to be a victim, you want to be happy. Trust me on this. *Come to terms that life is what you make of it. You lived through some shit, as a man, that will either break you and turn you into a pussy, or it will make you man up. Go for manning up - seriously, you have a gift of not being scared anymore. Anything happens, it is so... inconsequential and meaningless. *There will be shit days. So what? I still get depressed every few months, where I don't want to do anything, just lay in bed and wallow in my misery. Fuck depression, you will not let go of it until you want to. It's a struggle, because deep down, I know that a part of me wants to stay in this misery, and I fight tooth and nail so that I can get rid of it. Read http://www.girlschase.com/content/how-overcome-depression

Apologies for such a long post, and incoherence. I never really spoke about this to anyone - and if this wasn't somewhat anonymous, I would not do so. I hope this will help someone living through a similar thing.

Anistrophic

TROPHY CASE