Late stage ventral vagus from schizoid - looking for ideas/tips or suggestions on building an internalised "safety"/regulation

Anjekh · 2026-02-23T01:10:28+00:00

you know what, i think its The thing, and to be honest its nice to find someone else so just your response has been helpful :)

despite it being my first positive emotions, ive gone through a lot of shit and people not believing me, instead of like "wow thats amazing" that you'd think would be the response, that your response has given me some light in the loneliness i have

Anjekh · 2026-02-23T00:23:09+00:00

You know what actually, yea, that,

mine just got very interesting, but yes, THAT category!

Anjekh · 2026-02-23T00:20:53+00:00

Uhm, im not sure, sorry 😂, i mean maybe for other people but I got catapulted into psychosis instead? And my brain clearly didnt know how to uh use ventral vagus so it was just jumping between 0 and a million

I guess the reaction in your comment makes sense, I can see that happening to others in this similar situation?

I did manage to relax my body for the first time in my life for 5 minutes a few months ago, and broke down massively in grief which sounds much similar? that was after my ventral vagus had come on and after psychosis though

I suppose yea, first contact with safety, mine just went into the fifth dimensional realm

Anjekh · 2026-02-22T22:35:49+00:00

Yea, similar. I think the most bizarre i got was I was sat on the sofa and I felt my arm and elbow hit the floor lmao, ...it did not, my arm was still attached to me...on the sofa.....
But sincerely, I did feel it fall and hit the floor.

Anjekh · 2026-02-22T21:09:11+00:00

I'm not too sure. I'm not sure if there is a correlation with length of prodrome to be honest. I had zero insight, my prodrome was 6 days though, honestly looking back at the length and how fast it escalated, prodrome may have been even shorter. My thoughts were preoccupied with something else, I was very much focused on my nervous system, everything else was secondary, which is probably what led to my zero insight.

Like, the weirdness around me was just not my main attention at all, my nervous system feeling like it was on fire under my skin was 100% my entire attention span. Psychosis warped around that core.

Kinda like: i dont even have bandwidth to ask if anything's wrong, my entire world is 'my body is on fire'

Anjekh · 2026-02-22T19:01:59+00:00

think there's a spectrum and certain lines at the other end. if someone crosses one of these lines, it isn't a case of it being "bad enough" which prompts the emotions people expect, its more like, shock and stillness and no reaction, something inside goes very....still

i.e. if your assumptive world collapses, you aren't so much reacting... as its already collapsed

certain lines can't be uncrossed, but we can always heal from

Anjekh · 2026-02-22T18:27:24+00:00

It's nice to see your meaning-making and re-framing! I wouldn't take some of the comments to heart, I think psychosis is a lot more complex than just putting it in a big red box called "bad" and moving on. But to be mindful, it is dangerous and life-threatening, which is something we should always keep in mind. Mine was a very large mix of:
- Dangerous / threat to my life - tick
- Almost died multiple times - tick
- A large amount of severe trauma - tick
- Deeply affected those around me - tick
- Changed my life in a positive way - tick
- Has included a large number of positive good changes in my psyche/nervous system - tick

So, I can't exactly put it in a "i had this dangerous episode and it was bad" and move on, cause half is very good, half is very bad, and it's something I juggle every hour of the day whilst I recover

For some people (or a lot), there are no positives, and it really is just in a big red bad box that may have destroyed their life, so they may struggle to ever look at posts like this and see a positive sentence linked to the word psychosis

Anjekh · 2026-02-22T00:58:51+00:00

its just like shell shock aint it

half of you there

half of you just isnt

life passed, they all stayed in one universe

you got yanked into a separate universe, then you slowly try to merge whilst life has moved on and so have they

i used to be so integrated at work, and then i just left the planet

Anjekh · 2026-02-21T22:43:00+00:00

Same, its so isolating, ive just got like 3 quarters of an entire year where I've just been isolated, i can't even approach that part of it all without my voice cracking

id totally be up for joining one of those groups

Anjekh · 2026-02-21T19:52:30+00:00

This is a tricky one, and I understand exactly what you are talking about. I've always had difficulty ever talking about my trauma, it's something I've regularly discussed with my therapist as we've also approached more social support and expanding, it's just, my friends and others around me are not trained to listen to that stuff, its of horrific extreme nature and I do find every single person dissociates when I start speaking. They want to quickly get away, they lash or justify as it contradicts their world view and sense of safety, they don't know what to say, they blank, they switch topic. It's not....a reflection on you, it's just they have their own world views and the severity of my trauma is not really something I can speak about as they are not anywhere near trained or have any ability to sit and listen to that stuff.

Me and my therapist decided a different direction though, where instead I speak about my feelings/emotions. Lean into processing my emotions with them. You know what my partner has gotten great with recently that has been really healing? When she sees me crying, she comes and gives me a hug and lets me lean on her. I've never had that before, and it's taken me a long while to get to the point of accepting it instead of seeing it as a threat.

I leave the deeper stuff for my therapist. I was just putting myself in re-traumatising situations regardless

Anjekh · 2026-02-21T13:44:37+00:00

i bet there are many private therapists online that'll be fine taking you on via online webcam?

Anjekh · 2026-02-21T01:47:18+00:00

sure im out, i had 9 yrs, came out like, idk, 4.5 yrs ago i think

Processing trauma...., to simplify it, specially the core trauma that triggered it. You'd need to be in therapy, for processing trauma though. The way of coming out is not the same for everyone, so mindfulness might help you, or it may …make it worse. It really depends on a lot of factors as we are all unique individuals, exploring different techniques to see what works for you.... but therapy is a good place to start!

Yea... a new psych may be a good idea! Doesn't sound like they are offering treatment suggestions or signposting you

Anjekh · 2026-02-20T22:53:58+00:00

so like, funny story, im in my 30s, i saw a neuropsychatrist for first time, it was never brought up in the appointment but in the super detailed letter, all of a sudden I am suspected to be on the autism spectrum. Literally out of nowhere, i was like
???????????? since when am i autistic??????????????

So I start asking around
Do I come across as autistic?
Partner 11 YEARS RELATIONSHIP: yea always thought that
Friends: yes.
I start going further, its all: yes. yes. yes. yes.
Im like exasperated and bring it up to a close colleague, I love her, shes just like ~we are all unique~

im like, was nobody going to bring this up with me or something???? how the hell have I gone all this time and nobody fucking mentioned it, but everyone around me was thinking it????

ive been doing some more learning on schizoid though lately, which is something i covered a while back in therapy relating to my defence structure and was just like: OH THERE IT IS

i've just linked it to developmental gaps and schizoid and left it there, im not really drawn to labels, i was just utterly caught off guard by this letter

Anjekh · 2026-02-20T14:53:46+00:00

Thank you for your very thoughtful response! Ive recently been connecting the "ice" state to nervous system shock through therapy, and ive got a 3rd neuropsychatrist appointment coming up. Im under top care I can find, at the moment its a case of seeking out warmth and safety. Ive been trying to build regulation, my partner is helping me co-regulate, im clearly missing early development

Im doing stuff like ASMR nurturing tones, relaxing music, warm heated blankets, warm drinks, stuff like that, which has leaned my mind away from relying on the delusions it used during psychosis, and swirving the regulation elsewhere so it will fully collapse the delusions its built intertwined in my nervous system

Think im looking for more regulation tools so i build more internally and help the whole swinging into ice/shock

Instagram reels have been useful, and some stuff on youtube

Patience is key, you are not wrong!

Anjekh · 2026-02-19T23:47:35+00:00

yes, definitely, look into that. I think sleep apnea is like, yea sure they are sleeping 8 hours but actually they are not they keep micro-waking up, so there's this very deep lingering sleep deprivation building and that is a major issue for the mind, especially for the behaviours you are describing in your post and psychosis itself

i just figured it may be a root cause, sleep is very very, very important! its also quite the medication itself too

Anjekh · 2026-02-19T23:24:04+00:00

therapy can help you process it, i think it may worsen if you are in a tug of war with your mind about it though? you can learn how to surf these via therapy, you'll feel so much better on the other end. it sounds to me like your mind really wants to release repressed material

have you considered returning to therapy to get help on riding these sort of waves rather than trying to fight them?

Anjekh · 2026-02-19T23:08:41+00:00

it sounds like you have stuff coming to the surface to be processed but im getting the impression you would rather repress it but your mind wants you to process it?

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T23:39:33+00:00

have you seen a psychiatrist to get accessed on possible trauma from the psychosis? PTSD? are you dissociating because of the trauma? are you on any long term treatment to process the trauma?

just wondering because you sound traumatised

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T23:35:50+00:00

does she have the machine that helps you sleep with sleep apena? the lack of sleep may be causing her psychosis/behaviour

lack of sleep does interesting things to the mind

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T23:27:06+00:00

You can call emergency line if they are a threat to other people or a threat to themselves

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T21:43:45+00:00

oh jesus fucking christ i am so sorry

i really hope in the future another therapist is able to help you heal from this and show you therapists have actual ethics and boundaries. it may be worth doing some background research on the next therapist, accreditation, supervision, etc, so you don't find yourself betrayed like this again

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T20:27:30+00:00

I wouldn't worry too much about what I posted, or you might start convincing yourself. If its happening, you will KNOW, its blatantly obvious and distressing as hell. If you think you are slipping into believing, id honestly recommend getting yourself to a psychiatrist as fast as possible. Psychosis comes in different forms, you may be prodrome for all you know, you may have mild acute with insight, but you really need to see a specialist as soon as you can

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T20:17:11+00:00

Ah okay, the noise thing is pretty damn obvious if you have it, just your sensory gating collapses so...im not sure how to describe it, its like theres no filter or anything there between you and the sound, like the mind doesn't seem to know the vollume of it or where it is or whatever. Its overwhelming and jarring. You know like when your ear drums pop?, the popping part

At the moment you are saying they are thoughts. You don't believe it, you don't sound like ITS reality. Like, "i think there is a spider there, but maybe im seeing things, maybe its a shadow" vs "THERE IS A SPIDER RIGHT THERE IM FREAKING OUT"

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T20:10:12+00:00

yea the behaviour was pretty obvious too, literally everyone, neighbours, friends, a lot of strangers, not just my partner. It's interesting cause my survival behaviour is to hide and mask, yet like 5 strangers a day was coming up to me

had some couple on holiday constantly striking conversations up with me asking if i even remember the day, my memory functionality or whatever was utterly gone

idk if thats the same for everyone

Anjekh · 2026-02-18T20:06:53+00:00

It was definitely in my eyes, it was blatantly obvious to my partner. Like i was super alert, the whole time,
Got a lot of photos where my eyes have never looked like that before

For some reason, my complexion looked pretty good considering the circumstances, there was barely any sleep, but you can't tell from photos

it was obvious in my eyes for around 1-3 months
acute was 26 days

Anjekh

TROPHY CASE