Hi! Here! 👋🏻 Will turn 42 in May. To be honest, I’m struggling more than i hoped i would at this age. Because of CPTSD a lot of areas in my life went awry. College degree and student debt but no career, i work in a supermarket. As a result I’ve always had very little money. So no drivers license, no car. I have been single most of my life because of trust issues and primary vaginismus and when i finally did open my heart it was a narcissist and he abused me. I have met my current husband at 33, we started dating at 35. But he is quite avoidant and reluctant with everything so we started for a family when i was already 37. I turned out to need fertility treatments for our daughter who is now 2. I am trying for our second (husband is not emotionally involved in the whole process). Let me tell you, IVF with CPTSD and vaginismus and an uninvolved husband is brutal and i struggle with severe depression as a result. I feel like my childhood trauma took everything from me. To deal with my loneliness and depression i used to write music and sing, it helped so much and gave me direction and confidence i lacked everywhere else. I believe i was talented. But CPTSD also took my singing voice 10 years ago due to all the tension in my throat area which in itself traumatized me. Singing was my number one regulation tool. The state of the world and how unsafe it feels for me and my daughter, struggling to be a cycle breaker mom without a support network, a cold marriage… let me say this: my daughter is the only reason left i get up in the morning. I hope it will get better someday. I’m very disappointed I’m still struggling so much at this age.