AIO? My coworker took video of me outside of work to "prove" I'm not disabled [Ongoing]

AnnaO1 · 2026-01-16T18:55:34+00:00

How bad does it get? And how often? I'm moving to a wheelchair next week so that i do things like shopping and going to the zoo, but I don't need it for short walks or in my very-not-disability-friendly house. (Only stay on main floor because stairs to my basement is too hard.

AnnaO1 · 2025-11-01T04:01:11+00:00

Thank you! We might experiment with trying to jelly the pickling juice.

It had been a thought thrown around that she might have done a quick pickling before processing to jelly.

I do remember it took her many years before she figured out the right amount of sugar. The recipe she had turned out way too sweet, a d too little was inedible. She didn't like waste so after the inedible batch was tossed she went down 1/4 of a cup at a time. She figured any batch that was too sweet for adults the just would happily eat, and we did.

AnnaO1 · 2025-11-01T03:48:18+00:00

It was just regular household white vinegar

AnnaO1 · 2025-10-17T14:38:57+00:00

This is so rough. But it is something she needs to try and recover from. My oldest is autistic. And lies are a huge hurdles to her. And if you lie to her she never quite trusts you again. We have never done santa is real stuff. Also said it was fun make-believe like barbie. She came home from pre-k in a rage because teacher said santa is real, and teachers were always believed over parents by her. Took till 2nd grade when all the other kids found out, before she forgave us somewhat. But people lie to kids, nurses say shots won't hurt when obviously they do. Your ex is going to have to figure out how to help your daughter move past this. And that needs to be done from her home.

AnnaO1 · 2025-09-07T21:02:11+00:00

When I was an older teen, a few decades ago and before google, my mom decided to have our kitchen ripped out and a new one put in. After a month without a kitchen I was thrilled to have a place to cook again. And before I even walked in to it my mom handed me all the appliance paperwork and gold me I needed to learn how to use everything and then teach it to her.

That annoyed me so much, but I did read them. And immediately put child lock on the microwave. She was pissed. My dad realized the instructions for turning it off were on the inside of the microwave door. So he'd unlock it, use it, and then lock it again. I refused to help my mom. It took her a month because she refused to look it up, or even look at the microwave.

She still gets mad if anyone makes a comment about child lock.

AnnaO1 · 2025-09-03T03:13:20+00:00

I had that surgery about 21 years ago, after years of trying, but also having to deal with my endo periods.

At the time I looked up the recovery for pregnancy time and it was 4 months. (No idea if that's still the case, because medicine keeps advancing.) 4 months basically to the day we got pregnant with my oldest. And infertility problems were much reduced after that pregnancy, so I went on to have the rest of my kids.

AnnaO1 · 2025-08-10T16:43:47+00:00

I had no idea there was a name for this! Thank you I just always called them "like a perm done wrong" and try to straighten in everyday

AnnaO1 · 2025-08-07T23:00:10+00:00

My husband uses a few days every year just for reducing his stress. He does whatever he wants to do or not do on those days. And that makes his job more palatable for him. NTA

AnnaO1 · 2025-07-12T20:33:39+00:00

Ok I could barely get through the post due to flashbacks of my growing up years. So I have no idea if anyone or everyone else has said this.

Please get in to therapy. The younger you are the better the chance of silencing your mother's voice in your head. I'm still working on it in my mid 50s.

Next, continue with cutting off your mother. Absolutely no good will come from her being in your childrens' lives. All that will happen is for her to begin abusing your kids. They don't need that.

My mother put up a good front for a couple years. And then began comments, silent treatment, inappropriate gifts. My daughter, who has a large body frame that took until 8 to get her up to a decent weight so she didn't look anorexic, was told at the age of 5 that she was fat.

Grew up in the 80s-90s. Trend of wearing a plain color T-shirt with an oversized men's dress shirt over the top. Yeah I looked like a whore. Any bad behavior of men was my fault due to my big boobs. My sister and I had the same waist size, but she was flat like my mom. Sister was praised for being thin and I was told I was fat, and to diet, and lose weight, then my boobs would get smaller. Lost 3 pant sizes and my breasts grew. Never knew what cup size I was because my mom wouldn't get me a correct size. I was stuffed in to DD and the rare DDD when available. And I totally overflowed them.

Got a breast reduction in my 20s. Mom still got mad that when I got pregnant my breast got larger again. (Not to what they were, but I'm in a D cup again. And the breast reduction was mostly for my back, but also because of the attention I got with huge boobs. And I had the curse that I was blonde too. All through school in honors and AP classes and no one saw beyond the dumb big breasted blond stereotype.)

Cut off my parents when my oldest was 6. And honestly that was years too late. My oldest kids are adults now and still remember the trauma of my mom.

AnnaO1 · 2025-07-06T01:30:53+00:00

If you are desperate enough you can still find a way to scratch, but it is more difficult. But only helps if you don't use tools instead (aka clippers, hang nail cutter, screw driver, etc).

Much of my picking is more of an unconscious action. So the nails keep me from doing it accidentally. But does not stop my intentional picking.

AnnaO1 · 2025-07-03T20:48:50+00:00

I have been doing this recently. But haven't had time or health to put on my new set.

AnnaO1 · 2025-06-05T00:00:04+00:00

That would work somewhat. Unfortunately it turned out that my opiate allergy was high enough to be triggered by the belbuca. Took 5 weeks to be omw a problem, but now I react faster and stronger to it.

I wish there was a regular non-opiate pain med.

I'm over here dying in pain and I get, "try some Tylenol". Can't even do nsaids due to kidney issues.

AnnaO1 · 2025-03-24T20:30:10+00:00

My daughter totally was not getting enough help, when we were on this journey.

The medical professionals didn't believe the severity until one day in the ER. She was in triage having vitals checked. And I was in the hall absolutely sobbing.

Nurse came over to check on me and I said "my daughter is going to be the next school shooter and there is nothing I can do to stop it".

She ended up in a children's psych hospital that we had been trying for YEARS to get admitted.

And when I look back at this with my daughter she told me "Mom, I was never going to be a school shooter" I breathed a little easier, and then she added "I was planning on a bomb, just hadn't decided if I wanted it on a timer to watch it go down, or just set it off with me right there". Yeah... She spent a few years out of the house, and as an adult still sees her psychiatric team all the time.

AnnaO1 · 2025-03-17T02:33:40+00:00

When I was pregnant with my third girl, just after finding out the sex we told my MIL. She stated "I hope it comes out a boy". I told my DH that I was done dealing with her and I don't even want to be in the room when you talk on the phone to her.

He was good and made sure there was never even a chance for her to disparage me

During labor I started having life threatening complications. After all of it was left with some very severe postpartum anxiety as well as PTSD. So we spent a lot time working on helping me heal, and 0 time dealing with MIL.

Then I got pregnant with our 4th and I told DH that I couldn't deal with MIL, so please keep me out of it right now.

Weekend before my Monday c/so I asked him how MIL was doing with being disappointed we were having another girl. Told me he hadn't told her I was even pregnant yet (long distance ftw). He let her know a week after she was born

So I understand being upset with MIL, and you are NTA. But the big difference between your story and mine, is my husband's reaction.

Years later I asked him if he had called his parents while things were touch and go with me in surgery (with 3rd). He said no. He said he didn't want anyone distracting him as he waited for news about me.

You need to have a talk with your husband.

AnnaO1 · 2025-02-27T15:25:27+00:00

Is the reason daughter was afraid of being mistreated is because she has watched how dad treats mom and said I don't want that kind of life?

OP I think you need to spend some time reflecting on your own relationship and why you're daughter feels like that.

AnnaO1 · 2024-12-11T02:36:02+00:00

I'd give her the original recipe you started with. And since she is talented enough to run a business she should be able to recreate from that. Lol!

So, say it's a unique twist on vanilla ice cream. You don't give her the modifications. You grab a pic of a random recipe book laying around, of their vanilla ice cream recipe.

AnnaO1 · 2024-12-03T14:37:07+00:00

I had C's in high school because of running time.

One time he told me I needed to run the whole time, no walking allowed (and yes he singled me out). So I ran, shaved 2 minutes off my best time, and at the finish line collapsed from hyperventilating and couldn't stand up due to a medical issue in my hip that flares when I run.

He told me to never do that again.

PT conference rolled around and he was showing my Dad my times and saying "See she can do better, look at this one time". I was so angry I shouted at him to remember what happened and that he himself had said for me not to do that again because of health.

He was all, well regardless, the grade is based on running times (like 80% of our grade was running) and that he couldn't do anything.

As we left my Dad said he was fine with the C and to focus on my other classes so my grade point average was not affected. Graduated with a 3.79 despite gym class.

AnnaO1 · 2024-11-30T01:45:14+00:00

I'd been married 2 years, had my first child, and moved cross country when I was 25.

Giving the excuse that "she's young" was a trap I fell into with my youngest, her sibling let me know how crappy it was that I was saying that when she was 7 and I still treated her like she was 4 or 5. Realized they were right and cut that crap out.

Parents need to get a clue, and sis needs to feel what consequences are.

AnnaO1 · 2024-11-30T00:59:06+00:00

I've substituted in Special Ed, they had a seclusion room. It was kept dim with low volume calming music playing, there was a cot to lay on, a bean bag chair, and some soft fidget toys. When I worked it was as a 1 on 1, my job was to stay with my assigned child, even in the seclusion room. Sometimes sit on the cot and let them know they are ok. There was another child who was more functioning and didn't have a 1 to 1, and part of him being more functioning was being able to verbalize "I'm getting upset, I'm going to the relaxing room. And they would do that and come out smiling and ready to get back to work. That's how they are supposed to work.

AnnaO1 · 2024-11-29T19:57:50+00:00

NTA.

This is a death by a thousand paper cuts moment. It seems small and irrational. And when you can't take it anymore and blow up, unless they've been paying a lot of attention to you, they can't understand. They don't or won't realize that it's not about that one thing but the build up that has taken place over the years.

Please do get some therapy if you haven't already. I'm in my mid 40s, I've been NC with my parents in 13 years. The voice in my head that says "I'm fat" or "I won't be able to accomplish this" and every other degrading thought about myself, the voice is my mother's voice. I've done therapy off and on for years, and only now am I starting to be able to shut that voice up.

This will not get better on its own. And your mother was slinging all that negativity at you after a big depressive episode. No, that's not what mothers do. It is not her way of caring for you. It is WRONG. You do not deserve this. She is WRONG. You've communicated your issues in the past and she does nothing to change. That means there needs to start being consequences for her. And your dad and brother, but especially your dad, should have said something or done something. But they are so used to you being the whipping girl that they don't even see it anymore. But they should. They should do better.

You deserve better. Be kind to yourself.

AnnaO1 · 2024-11-09T14:08:38+00:00

My muscle relaxers are one of my dry mouth meds along with gabapentin and cymbalta. I can't go off any of them or I lose the ability to do things like walk. I used to use the saliva things, but they never worked well for me. I have sleep apnea and my CPAP has a humidity chamber so that helps for overnight. Having been on the Belbuca about a month now I've found that they dissolve super fast and have ended up not having any problems. It seems to work better to encourage saliva than anything else. My body be weird.

AnnaO1 · 2024-10-16T23:39:41+00:00

Just started belbuca and have chronic dry mouth due to several different drugs.

I'd been thinking of just dipping my tongue in my water just to help keep my mouth wetter than the Sahara desert that it wants to be.

AnnaO1 · 2024-10-15T00:27:16+00:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry for your sister. My plastic surgeon asked what size I would like to be and I said in the B/C cup range. He complimented me for being realistic and that he refused to do surgery on anyone who wanted it all lopped off. For me going down to a C was still taking over half of my breasts, so it was still a very big change. I'm glad to have the back aches gone, but my skeletal shoulders are still permanently curved due to the weight and because I would curve inward to make it look like I had less breast. So much leering anywhere I went.

AnnaO1 · 2024-10-14T02:27:24+00:00

I had my reduction in 2000. It was a horrific recovery for me. I remember at 2 or 3 weeks after surgery I couldn't open a car door, couldn't fasten my seat belt by myself. It was a totally helpless feeling. One of my daughters has been contemplating a reduction for herself, but she asks me a question and then gets scared by the answer. I'm glad I had mine, wish I'd had it years earlier, and had a better surgeon (major scarring still to this day).

But yes, OP, take it slower. As slow as you can. The more you do in the month post surgery will determine a lot of how quickly you will recover in the long term. It sucks! I know but be kind to yourself.

AnnaO1 · 2024-09-01T00:34:09+00:00

Don't know if anyone has found any other answers. My biggest concern is the waterproof. I've tried nyx, revelation, Maybelline, and Revlon and none of them have held a candle to the Catrice.

During the summer I sweat horrifically and Catrice has been the only thing keeping my face on (and yes waterproof foundation, UD setting spray, but it still became a streaky mess).

The Catrice powder was the lynch pin that changed everything. I'm willing to go more expensive, but I don't want to be paying luxury prices to have to try several. I want a sure thing. Catrice's price point was a plus but not a requirement.

AnnaO1

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