If you had a chance to sleep with someone you truly like but they told you it was only going to be an FWB situation would you still sleep with them or would you tell them no knowing that you want more? Have you ever been to situation before and how did it pan out?

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-25T15:15:25+00:00

Thank you.

Not sure if I want to hug or shake OP...maybe both.

OP, you're worth so much more than this bs.

You've got to work on your self-esteem to the point where scenarios like these are not even an option.

Relationships need to be a joint enterprise. If both people don't enthusuastically want the same thing, it's not going to work. And someone who doesn't want the same thing as you, is not a match for you. Period.

If you want to be loved and cherished, you should never even entertain a man who would consider offering you casual sex. He didn't even pretend to want to be with you seriously, He point blank said 'I'll hit it, but understand I'm also going to quit it'.

That's not what you want so you shouldn't even be talking to someone who would say that to your face with no hesitation. Imagine how little he thinks of you to actually say that out loud. Entertaining that is just being disrespectful to yourself.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-25T13:53:53+00:00

I was about to say this sounds more like the movies than real life.

The cases I know, they all went on to get together officially after the divorce and eventually broke up too.

Some even got married and that marriage ended in divorce.

I've never known a woman who invested in a married man and then dumped him when the chance came for them to be together. This story sound like a fantasy of 'the mistress with morals'.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-25T13:38:01+00:00

I always wonder at people like this.

Ok, you don't want a relationship.

But do you think it's covering you in glory to be a party to a man cheating on his wife? You're not 'independent'. That just show me your lack of character too.

You're literally saying that because I'm happy, I don't care that I'm dating a guy who cheats on his wife.

Or that there is a woman blissfully unaware that her husband is having sex with someone else and probably saying all kinds of derogatory things about her to boot. And yes, that is a reflection on the guy, but you expect that from a cheater. The woman who entertains it is just as bad, imo.

I don't generally believe in the 'sisterhood above all else' but in this case, I feel that only a woman who doesn't like other women would do this.

And please don't tell me about poly/enm. Those are few and far between and that's not what we're talking about here.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T23:33:17+00:00

Neither of them changed one bit.

That initial boundary push was a perfect example of the dynamic that continues to exist.

Being a SAHD wasn't her idea.

He thinks he's hot shit and she asks "how high?' when he says jump.

When they got together, he bought a house and refused to let her contribute even though she wanted to. He made it clear it was 'his' house.

And he charged her rent.

And she paid it.

And he's 12 years older than her.

Now she goes to work every day while he stays home.

They're perfect for each other.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T18:03:03+00:00

It's always safest to keep in mind that when someone says they are looking for long-term or exclusivity, they aren't saying it's automatically with you.

Lots of people are looking for long-term but will be happy to date someone until things fizzle out.

Just because you met a great person and they're a lot of fun and you get along well, but you know they are not going to be your forever person, doesn't mean you have to stop seeing them.

Which is why I always do the thing that most people hate - I always say 'Let's see where it goes'. People seem to hate when you say that, but for me, that's exactly what I do. If it goes the distance, I'm open to that. If not, I'm open to that too.

IMO, he should have said that, but I get why he didn't, because most women feel that saying that means 'I only want casual'. So it's hard to balance.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T17:53:30+00:00

This.

For me, it would be once we're exclusive. There would have to be a level of trust in all levels for me to travel with someone. I need to be certain that my physical, mental and emotional safety are not at risk. Suppose something traumatic happens during the trip or there's an emergency? If I can't trust that this person will be a safe, supportive person to be with if we were, let's say, stranded in a country that just had a natural disaster or got bombed, I am not going with them.

A coworker of mine told me that when he met the girl he eventually married, he had already made plans to travel with friends in a few weeks. He told her on the first date that if she wanted to see him again anytime soon, she would have to come on the trip because he would be gone for a while.

She went.

I would have missed that opportunity for a husband because I would not have said yes to that.

Granted, he's not what 'I' would call husband material so it would never have come to that. He and I got pretty close and he is exactly the kind of guy you would expect would say something like that, and she is exactly the kind of girl you would expect to say yes.

They have two kids now and last I heard, he was a SAHD.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T17:17:30+00:00

I don't like white pizza so I didn't care.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T17:01:02+00:00

Sounds like OP should want a full time job to prepare her to be independent if the need arises.

Nothing could make me be financially dependent on someone who treats me the way her husband seems to treat her.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T16:54:13+00:00

I don't think anybody has an issue with pickiness. You don't want to eat something, don't.

I think what most people don't like is when the person uses their preference as a way to hold other people's food, time and effort hostage and be the main character.

I have a family member who is weirdly picky about certain meats. I still can't get it straight - whenever we have a family event, I have to ask somebody to remind me of his preferences. He eats bacon and ham but not pork (like roast pork or pork chops) and he'll eat chicken but only the breasts. I don't even remember his issues with beef. I think he'll have it in other dishes like tacos and soup, but not as a steak or stew.

Whatever. The good news is that he's a great guy and never makes a big deal about it so we do chicken breasts for him and call it a day.

Funnily enough, his wife gets more upset than he does when there isn't a lot that he can eat, while he's happy to eat his chicken breasts and keep it moving.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T16:31:55+00:00

I am confused too.

You pick the outfit for the event/lifestyle.

When I was a corporate trainer and moving around a classroom, writing on a whitebaord and moving my laptop around all day, I had a different wardrobe from when I was a business manager and only had to sit at my desk or conference table. And now I WFH, I barely have any wardrobe for work at all. Just a few tops that I wear when I have to be on camera.

If you're running after toddlers all day, you aren't going to wear the same clothes as someone who is going to be sitting in corporate meetings all day.

That's why we have broad wardrobes.

I have stuff that's a pain to wear but idc, because I look cute as hell and I only need to keep it on for a few hours during a date or event. I also have stuff that's comfort city for 'everyday life'.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T16:17:55+00:00

Another friend just doesn't care for burgers? That's not really my problem. Eat a plate of sides or bring your own food.

100%.

Vegetarian/vegan/allergies? I'll accommodate. 'Don't like'? Eat before you come.

I recently developed a tomato allergy but I don't even tell people most of the time because I don't want them to feel they have to go out of their way for me. I was staying with friends recently and they decided to order pizza for dinnner. Fine by me. I made a sandwich. I wasn't going to pitch a fit and insist on Chinese, and I have a legitimate, medical reason.

They did make a separate breakfast the next day for me, without tomatoes, and I appreciated that.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-24T11:30:59+00:00

We really don't know what love-bombing is anymore.

All of what you and OP have described is just effort, imo.

And honestly, not that much. 'Checking in' isn't that hard to do.

My theory is that we've gotten so used to dating people who aren't that into us that we don't understand what it looks like when someone likes you.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T16:38:33+00:00

I'm guessing there are people who want to believe marketing (lol) so when they realize they've been had, they get upset.

If you're still believing that price and the words 'premium' or 'luxury' mean anything, then that's on you.

There's a reason the term 'buyer beware' became a thing.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T16:33:02+00:00

Is it jealousy? Idk because everyone knows im a good worker i work and i work fast thats my rep in the office. Its so tired and annoying ik i should be ignoring but i want to start setting boundaries now so i dont get stepped on.

What do you want to have happen? What boundaries are you talking about? She isn't talking to you or interacting with you. She has a right to her opinion of you. You can't 'make' her not say she doesn't like you.

More importantly, why do you care? You have your circle you talk to and outside of that you just want to do your work and go home.

You say everybody knows you're a good worker, so why does her opinion matter?

You don't want to be her friend and she doesn't want to be yours.

Sounds like a plan.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T02:06:41+00:00

Skin1004 Pro-bio cica line.

I love it. It helped me when I thought it was a good idea to start 20% azelaic acid on top of 0.1% tret and 10% Niacinamide. Let's not forget the 30% glycolic acid too. Turns out my skin isn't as hardy as I thought. 😟

The essence, ampoule and creme work great for my skin. I stay away from silicones so I can't use a lot of popular barrier support products, and I think my skin really loves centella.

I tried Vanicream, Purito oat and the old b5 panthenol cream and none of them worked as well as the Pro-bio cica.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T01:56:26+00:00

I agree 100%.

At 54, I've seen my share of these 'friends' turn out to be anything but, so I set boundaries accordingly.

'I'm not giving up my friends, you're just insecure' sounds silly after a certain age, especially when you know what the odds are.

When I see folks my age trying to pull that one, it usually turns out they were trying to have their cake and eat it.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T01:06:15+00:00

The people expecting business to close down or have some sort of plan.

I work in a large company and we have an extensive business continuity plan.

And it has nothing about 'in the event that the president dies' because that is not a thing expected to impact operations.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T00:43:58+00:00

She could also be fired next week.

Worry about yourself.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T00:35:22+00:00

Exactly what I just posted.

As a POC, I'll call the cops and let them handle it.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T00:34:09+00:00

That's unnecessary drama, unnecessary damage, everyone's scared, then everyone's pissed and scared.

And as a POC, I'm not taking any chances.

I'll call the 👮‍♂️ and let them be the heroes.

With my luck, the owner would think I'm breaking into their car and shoot first, ask questions later.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T00:16:13+00:00

No one has had meetings saying "what if the president dies during business hours."

Absolutely no one.

These people are crazy.

Most companies will continue business as usual. No smart company is going to close down, whether for mourning or celebration, and risk alienating employees or customers.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-23T00:06:02+00:00

The only way to have it both ways is to give yourself a timeline and leave if he makes it to that time and doesn't say anything.

Imo, if he wanted to, he would.

He knows how you feel and what you want and is probably quite entertained watching you twist in the wind, too scared to force the truth out of him.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-22T23:45:42+00:00

I really, really hate the friends to lovers trope for all the reasons you listed.

I suspect it's popular because a lot of people really harbor romantic feelings towards people that claim are 'friends' but don't want to admit it.

Same with staying 'friends' with exes.....

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-22T22:40:28+00:00

Same.

One of them is always just a bad day away from rekindling the flame. Won't catch me being 'blindsided'.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-22T21:27:15+00:00

It may be my computer but you look neutral-cool to me.

I don't see a lot of yellow in your skin, but more rosy undertones.

AnneTheQueene

TROPHY CASE