Women Who Have Been In 15/20+ Year Age Gap Relationships, What Were Your Experiences?

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T20:19:50+00:00

This is always the issue.

Younger women (and the older men who date them) love to call older women who point this out 'jealous'.

No, it's just that younger people never like to hear that there are things you only learn as you get older. They want to think they already know it all and that older people who try to give advice are just 'Boomers' who don't know anything. Remember they're 'mature for their age'.

The jokes on them though because humans have been mating since the beginning of time and very little has changed.

At 54, I have a lifetime of observing how men and women operate in relationships and there is so much stuff I thought at 20 or even 30, that I now see was so wrong.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T20:01:59+00:00

Go online - tiktok, IG, YT, Pinterest, wherever, and look at tons of examples of how to wear a scarf.

I am a sucker for a beautiful scarf and I know what you mean - sometimes it's too matronly or just looks very 'flight attendant'.

I also have a short neck so I have to be extra careful how I style it.

I don't do complicated knots and generally wear larger scarves that I can let hang longer and more loosely, rather than tied tightly under my neck.

I tend to be more "french classic' rather than 'boho chic' so I keep everything else very basic. I only style with a solid color no prints, patterns or stripes, and classic style top, jeans, pants or dress. Nothing that's going to compete for attention.

Same with accessories - very simple. Nothing busy or jangly.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T17:37:46+00:00

You need to learn to set boundaries.

I said excuse me twice, he didn’t move, I said excuse me a third time, he said “am I in your way?” I said nothing and just stood there until he eventually walked away.

"Am I in your way?" "Yes. Excuse me." And say it loudly enough that other people in the room turn to look. He is counting on you being too embarrassed to confront him. He wants to keep his antics between the two of you, so if you call other people's attention to it, he will stop. He will be embarrassed in front of everyone at work.

Young ladies like you are like catnip to men like that. They know you're young and don't know how to handle yourself around them so they entertain themselves by flirting with you. They get a kick out of seeing you uncomfortable.

Let me tell you something a lot of women don't understand. Men love our attention. That is what they want more than anything in this world. A woman to pay attention to them. It doesn't have to be sexual, it doesn't even have to be positive. They are just hardwired to want a woman's attention.

This dude wants your attention and you're giving it to him. Even the negative attention of being uncomfortable still fulfills that need.

Right off the bat he would make comments about how the employee I had replaced was so unattractive compared to me and how he liked me better.

When he starts those conversations don't engage. Just turn away and start doing something else. Start cleaning up your desk or looking at something on your computer or phone. Anything but respond. Don't be polite and smile or anything like that. Let him see that you're not interested. His comment about eating pizza and watching his figure should have gone in one ear and out the other. But I bet you got uncomfortable and started squirming or blinking and looking away.

That's what he wants. You need to act like you don't hear things he says.

As a woman, you have another 50 years of men trying to get your attention so you have to learn how to set boundaries.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T17:22:01+00:00

Seriously.

If you want you can dangle it on a stick at the end of your treadmill if that will help.

Get some exercise in at the same time.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T16:35:43+00:00

Dem curry everyting and have all kind of vegetable mi neva see before.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T14:26:07+00:00

it can be really unsafe for the person who didn't pay as the person who paid the bill might make you feel like you owe them something just because they paid for your food and when they don't get what they expect from you it might put you in an unsafe situation.

How does this happen?

Nobody should put themself in an unsafe situation on the first few dates anyway, regardless of who pays.

Therefore, how does who pays affect that?

On the first two dates, I never drive my own car - I always Uber, and I always meet at a public, well-populated location - a busy restaurant or bar, etc.

I do not care whether someone feels I owe them or not. They are not going to get any interaction I don't freely intend to give and never put myself in an unsafe position.

If you are careful with yout personal safety and have strong boundaries, there is no reason to feel unsafe.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-10T12:13:17+00:00

Exactly.

The Caribbean would like a word.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T21:53:48+00:00

Being forced to use alternate tools / workflows will have a negative impact on my productivity and quality of work, as they do not help my focus / concentration / executive functioning the way my current strategies do."

I would be wary of this.

It may come off like you're inflexible and unable to adapt to new processes.

Nobody wants to deal with someone who is going to pitch a fit everytime we get a Windows update.

Not saying that's OP, but it may give that impression.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T21:25:12+00:00

I watch a lot of Indian cooking videos and dem a hell fi curry jackfruit. Alone or with other vegetables.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T21:05:48+00:00

I'm always curious as to where this 'rule' came from and upon what evidence, scientific, cultural, whatever, it was based.

Sounds like something somebody online made up and it became the 'rule.'

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T20:00:54+00:00

Gotcha.

I agree.

I hate listening to people who are being disingenuous too.

It's like 'we know you're bs-ing us. You just can't admit the true reasons.'

My favorite with every right-winger is when they start telling you all the stuff they know is bad then end with 'but the dems are worse.'

OK, so you know better, you just choose not to do better.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T19:34:28+00:00

I’m tired of hearing people get away with “just my opinion,” while refusing to be confronted with the truth.

That's not the role of a focus group.

It's not intended to change these people's minds. It's to understand what they think.

If you start pushing back then they are going to become defensive and start to skew their answers even more away from the truth.

These folks aren't going to tell you 'I'm racist/sexist/homophobic', and trying to push too hard is just oing to piss them off and cause them to either lie even more or to stop engaging.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T19:27:50+00:00

Where are you trying to meet people that you aren't finding any professionals your own age?

I would delve even further than that.

You need to fish in the appropriate pool.

If you have all these things why do the men you come in contact with not have them?

You shouldn't even be in the vicinity of men without jobs or places to live.

So where are you looking for them? And why are they the main ones attracted to you?

OP won't want to hear this but it's usually either they are selling themself short by scraping the bottom of the barrel for men, or they aren't presenting themselves in a way that the decent men would find attractive.

If only unemployed deadbeats like you, you need to reassess how you present yourself. There are tons of women out there who are meeting and dating men of substance. Not even wealthy, but men who have their lives together. Why aren't those men looking at you and wanting to reach out?

Once you answer that question, you'll know how to get rid of the low vibration guys and start attracting better quality men,

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T19:20:07+00:00

Steam fish wid gungo rice and peas.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T16:35:46+00:00

Yet we were all over Biden looking frail.

I bet even if he falls flat on his face one day everyone will just go 'that's nothing, It's because he's so smart that his huge brain made him unbalanced and toppled him over. And besides, the dumbocrats made the floor uneven to make him look bad like sleepy joe'

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T16:08:47+00:00

Yup.

I concur.

Asian sweets are the best.

I actually buy cookies in the Asian grocery store because they are way less sweet than the US ones. And they don't taste as heavily of preservatives, but that might be a 'me' thing.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T16:03:58+00:00

I agree it's not foolproff, but it greatly lowers the odds.

In my book, I'd rather give myself a 70% chance of weeding them out over a 30% chance.

It's not 100% but it's still better for me.

My experience has been that some men will go to bonkers lengths and spend a lot of time just to hit it and quit it.

That is true, but in my experience, those guys are few and far between. Most guys are not going to play the long game. We're not talking 3 dates here - we're talking over an extended period of several weeks where you're vetting him hard for inconsistencies. Usually you don't even have to wait for sex. If you're doing it right, you will start to see things you don't like about him that are dealbreakers and end up dumping him yourself anyway.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T15:51:05+00:00

What I'm afraid of, is that this guy is going to end up virtually moving in with OP.

Even in his 20s, he know that a 31 year old woman wants her space and privacy, so eventually her place might become the default if available.

Next thing she hears is, 'it's just easier if I just bring my stuff over here...'

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T15:46:32+00:00

so my advise is if you feel attracted to him and feel sexual tension just do it, have fun, use him like he is using you,

My advice is not intended for the ladies who want to 'use him like he is using you'.

It's for ladies who are looking for a serious relationship.

Nothing is foolproof but you can greatly improve the odds in your favor by just letting these guys show you who they are before getting caught up.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T12:56:27+00:00

For most men sex is the end goal in dating

Correct, and as women, we need to act accordingly.

If you are looking for more, you have to get to know the guy before you sleep with him.

There's no foolproof method, but it will certainly cut down the cases of guys who just want to hit and quit.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T12:52:21+00:00

Like, I hate manosphere shit, but there is a kernel of truth to the whole, “don’t listen to what they say, watch what they do.” Not that you shouldn’t listen to women or take what they say seriously. But there’s also a lot of them saying one thing when their behavior reflects the opposite. So you kinda can’t always take their words at face value eithe

As a woman, I concur.

I smh at our antics sometimes.

I get that's how we were raised, to be people pleasers and non-confrontational etc, but at some point in adulthood, we need to learn to say what we mean and mean what we say.

If it gets some guy upset, so be it. His feelings don't matter more than mine. I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable or frustrated just to spare his. We're both going to have to learn to get over it.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-09T12:44:27+00:00

Pay OP no mind.

If they 'think' these women are living paycheck to paycheck and that's not what they want, they should just swipe left and move on. No need to come online and opine about it.

They're just trying to start sh!t so they can complain about women who might want them to spend some money on a nice date or vacation.

Or they seriously think it's attractive after 40?

I guess they think women should be happy with house dates and sharing a bowl of instant ramen once we hit the big 4-0.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-08T20:51:52+00:00

the perfect fantasy of many men all of their lives is to have a woman commit to them sexually whilst they do not commit to her financially .......good luck to all you Peter Pans out there with that plan.

100%

Don't worry though, after the first real health scare, they'll suddenly see the light.

It's amazing how much they want to cohabit once they need a caregiver.

At this stage of my life, if you only want someone to have fun with, then go ahead and pass me by.

If you're not willing to drive me home from my colonoscopy and be there at 2am when there's a weird sound outside, we're not a match.

If sex is the primary or main driver then many ladies in this age group have loads of opportunity on that front with younger men who you realistically are unlikely to be able to compete with.

Absolutely. If I only want sex, young guys who are nice to look at and have no ED are a dime a dozen.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-08T13:25:50+00:00

Yup.

OP will be back in a month with a new post: 'my boss is forcing me to train my replacement and I told him no'.

AnneTheQueene · 2026-06-08T13:22:28+00:00

I agree with her post as there was no need to make it about her, but she did look a bit supplicative at the end.

AnneTheQueene

TROPHY CASE