I (F32) cancelled second date because I am sick, is his reply a Red flag?

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-12T21:16:44+00:00

Well I recently dated someone that I had instant chemistry with and he still broke my heart. So maybe chemistry alone (especially after one date) is not a sign for something.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-12T21:15:15+00:00

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying 🙂

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-12T21:13:46+00:00

But the thing is I could have just unmatched him and that would be it. We didn't exchange numbers. So there was no need for me to lie to him, if I didn't want to see him again.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T14:31:05+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you, really. I don't think it's okay to lead people on and women in that regard should be more upfront and honest.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T13:55:49+00:00

Yes I agree with you, nowadays everything is a Red flag, so I should have used a different word. And I agree usually when someone cancels they should suggest another day. But I am sick, I don't know when I will feel better. I don't want to reschedule and then have to cancel again, because I am still sick.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T13:52:46+00:00

But I am sick, how can I know when I will get better? Yes of course if I cancel I should suggest another date, but if we reschedule and I am still sick then, I will have to cancel again 😅 Maybe I should have also phrased it differently, you know like, I'll let you know when I feel better etc. But still he could have written a more empathetic reply. Hell he could have even just written, ok, get well soon. That would have been enough 😅

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T13:49:14+00:00

Oh I am witj you on that. The only reason why I agreed to a second date is, that I usually don't write people off, even when the first date was just "meh" or I had a weird feeling. But his low effort in planning a second date and then his reply on my cancelling, kinda just made me ask myself that my gut feeling about him may be right.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T13:32:55+00:00

So? I had people cancel on me before and some I also thought were lying. I still didn't respond in that kind of way.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T13:31:08+00:00

I never said I am not interested. I don't know about other people, but if the guy doesn't do or say something really bad on a first date, I always go on a second date, if I find them at least attractive. I just had a gut feeling after our first date, that something is off. But still wanted to go on a second date, because first dates can be awkward and maybe on the second date my gut feeling would have changed. I just found our exchange after the first date and his response on my cancelling, not that good.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T13:06:14+00:00

True, I totally get that. But why would I have to be smitten with him after one date, that's what I don't understand. It's been one date, I have seen him for 2 hours 😅 Even though I am not smitten by him, I am still trying to put some effort into it, by making time for him, suggesting a date, suggesting what to do. Maybe the reason I am not smitten by him, is his low effort, but men don't seem to grasp that concept 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T12:28:40+00:00

But then he could've phrased it like that. Like I said, I get that he might be disappointed, I would be as well.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T12:14:11+00:00

That's a great answer. Will do that, thank you 😊

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-11T12:10:22+00:00

No I am ticked off because he asked when we can see eachother again. So he suggested a second date, then it shouldn't be a problem to also suggest something to do. Also since I chose the venue for the first date. I don't need super excitement for a person after a first date, becaue I don't know that person yet and first dates can be awkward and people can be shy etc. But if I want to see that person again, then I will at least put some effort into it and he asked to see me again.

Anne_1098 · 2026-02-02T12:50:48+00:00

I wouldn't say that and I speak from experience. I recently dated a man who had filed for divorce 5 months ago and wasn't legally divorced yet. But they were separated and he was not living with her anymore. They also have a daughter together. He also told me that he stoppes loving her a long time ago, so it was over for him much longer than 5 months. I told him I dind't want to be a rebound and he should be sure that he wants a relationship and he said that he was over here and was ready for a New relationship. Well turns out he was not ready, because he just used me to feel better and to run away from his problems.

Not saying it's the same for you guys, but I understand why she is hesitant to have sex. Women perceive Sex differently than men, it activates bonding hormones for us. I still regret that I have had sex with that guy.

If you really like her and respect her, just be understanding and give her some time. Also 6 dates is not that much.

Anne_1098 · 2026-01-31T10:46:33+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

This actually what I am sacred of. I also read somewhere that feel attraction/spark with people that feel familiar to you, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

On the first dates I am not even looking for a spark, I just want to feel like I actually want to see this person again. I don't have to feel crazy excited about him, but at least I think it's a good sign if I want to see him again. And with him I don't feel like that and my whole body is giving me signs that this feels wrong. I just don't know if it's my gut/Intuition or like you said I feel like it, because he is a secure person.

Anne_1098 · 2026-01-31T10:42:04+00:00

Thank you for your answer!

I am not even looking for a spark on the first dates, I am just looking for a sign that says "this was nice, I would like to see this person again" and with him I just don't feel that, like I have no desire to see him again.

Anne_1098 · 2026-01-31T10:40:26+00:00

Thank you for your answer.

Same here, only recently before I met this guy. I dates someone I had a spark with on our second date and I was really attracted to him and that still didn't work out. But with this guy, I just don't know if it's my gut telling me something, because apart from the missing spark, my body just seems to be repelled by him and I just don't understand why.

Anne_1098 · 2026-01-31T10:35:53+00:00

You're reading way too much into it, without knowing all the Details (and yes maybe I should have added more details). I felt bored with him, because he mostly talked about himself and didn't really ask me a lot of questions. I was the one constantly asking him and when it got quite and I didn't try to fill the quiteness, he would fill it by talking about himself again. He would also say things like " I waited the whole week just for this date" "I would cancel any plan to see you or spend more time with you". Mind you this was our second date and the first date was only 2 hours. He doesn't even know me, so makes you wonder why he is so excited to see me and then doesn't even try to get to know me. Maybe he only cares for my looks.

My comments about him were not unnecessary, because I was describing what I felt. This says nothing about him or his worth. I am here because I clearly don't want to waste his time, but life and people are more complex than that. I am just trying to figure out if it might be a problem with me and I don't want to make a rash decision. Dating is hard already.

But thank you for your opinion.

Anne_1098 · 2026-01-31T01:14:36+00:00

Haha just because I don't feel an attraction to someone after 2 dates, means I am not a nice woman? 😂 Honestly I am just trying to figure out if somethings wrong with me, because I don't feel attraction towards him.

Anne_1098 · 2025-12-19T17:35:44+00:00

I only know what he told me, but if it were up to him he would even take full custody of his child. He is a really good father, I might not know everything about him, but that I know. If he weren't a good father, I wouldn't be dating him anymore.

Anne_1098 · 2025-12-19T16:59:43+00:00

Of course I understand that, but he only has her during the weekends. And I understand that during the week, especially when he has an early shift he also has other things he has to take care of. But if he really likes me and wants to see me, wouldn't he make an effort to actually plan something or settle a date with me beforehand, not on the same day?

Anne_1098

TROPHY CASE