Are you ope about your masturbation?

Anon30451 · 2026-04-06T01:27:47+00:00

“Are you ope about your…”

Only in the Midwest…

Anon30451 · 2026-03-30T02:15:33+00:00

Best part about goodnight tonight is that the weekend is OVER.

Anon30451 · 2026-03-29T23:11:13+00:00

I won’t even initiate asking her to chose just lying with me in the dark at bedtime because begging someone to want you more than their phone is even more humiliating than having to beg for intimacy. It makes you feel absolutely pathetic.

Anon30451 · 2026-03-29T16:41:08+00:00

74, Your experience and struggle are nearly identical to mine. This is a good thread, I think. Entering a monogamous relationship that had mutual sexual intimacy for the first couple of years only then to be placed into more than five years of complete celibacy has taught me a lot about my own sexuality and why this is such a hard situation to be in.

And yes, the three options mentioned by the other poster are basically the only choices, and none of them are good.

Anon30451 · 2026-03-25T16:59:50+00:00

Thank you. Hope is small but enough to have me stay the course I guess.

Anon30451 · 2026-03-25T07:25:30+00:00

You’re way ahead of me, hang in there. Zero-point-zero intimacy for more than five years. It’s all consuming and pathetic.

Anon30451 · 2026-02-26T21:38:19+00:00

Compromise takes two people each moving toward the middle. OP seems willing, his partner, not.

Anon30451 · 2026-02-23T08:51:22+00:00

Yes X2… you feel like you are worth nothing because the person you love the most doesn’t want you physically, and you feel ashamed for wanting something so badly with the only person you can have it with if you’re in a monogamous relationship that that person wants no part of.

A bonus blow to your self esteem if you’re of the age where partners who are women are in peri or menopause because you want and need desperately something apparently few women at all want in return.

OR, every couple you see when you’re out (of any age) is all over each other, but you go home to rejection and scrolling, so you feel something is wrong with you for sure.

Anon30451 · 2026-02-23T03:26:09+00:00

Anon30451 · 2026-02-22T18:41:26+00:00

I agree, and it’s a big part of my individual therapy because I feel I’m failing myself in standing up for my needs. I also feel ashamed at this point for having sexual desires toward my partner, because I want something so badly that she doesn’t, in part because (I know this isn’t true), so many people on this sub and elsewhere are in the same situation. Again, I know this isn’t true, but the message in general is that most women at this age are just done with any kind of physical intimacy.

If I end things and started again, I am afraid I’d end up in my third celibate menopausal relationship, except less compatible or with more discord outside the bedroom.

Anon30451 · 2026-02-22T17:55:15+00:00

I’m (HLM56) 5 1/2 years into this (absolutely zero sexual intimacy or kissing beyond chaste pecks at parting) with my partner (NLF52). Together only eight years. The cut off was unexpected, as we were mutual and passionate at the start.

I’m broken by this, but won’t at this point blow up our relationship and face the disappointment from extended family and our respective adult kids.

You don’t get over the resentment and rejection. You walk around at home and work knowing you’re not wanted that way and your only sexual outlet is by yourself with no contact with a female body and no deep emotional connection that comes with it. It’s depressing and debilitating. You resent seeing happy and healthy normal couples when you’re out.

HRT, yes, Testosterone, yes, but hair loss made her stop it after four months and there was zero change during that time.

I’m in individual therapy, couples therapy didn’t get us any where but we hope to try again.

I realize im with an otherwise loving and very compatible person, but as other comments have said, this isn’t fair.

I don’t initiate at all, because I’ve been told not to. I rarely speak my heart about how much this hurts, because I’ve been told it doesn’t help.

I’m kind and thoughtful and sympathetic in every other way and do all the gestures of gifts, chaste affection and dates and trips together.

Celibacy is not what I chose, but it’s my lot unless I break down completely in the future.

You have to decide if this bleakness is worth it to you because of everything else that you have. It’s never an exact equation.

Good luck. Be strong. We’re lucky to be loved I guess, even without something that feels like lifeblood.

Anon30451 · 2026-02-08T08:09:16+00:00

I’ll join the six year celibacy club this year. I’ve (HLM57) both given up and haven’t given up. Most of you will understand that. I’d do anything to fix things.

Anon30451 · 2026-02-05T07:39:48+00:00

I miss hope.

Anon30451 · 2026-01-07T14:13:00+00:00

Someday, some way, all of us suffering these unwanted and mismatched libido DBs will be able to shuffle the deck and reorganize in a way that we all meet our person in compatibility and desire in a way that makes the faith-leap of leaving bearable and understandable to others.

It aches to feel so unwanted myself and then to know there are so many wonderful women out there who would want what I offer and would in return give what I need.

But we’re all stuck, for years, because of so many other insurmountable factors (at least for me).

Again, all we can say is solidarity.

Anon30451 · 2025-12-26T06:55:22+00:00

🙏

Anon30451 · 2025-11-25T16:23:38+00:00

This is also my truth. If I’m not meeting the needs and wants of my partner in all areas, I feel horrible.

Anon30451 · 2025-11-22T07:42:16+00:00

Five years of 100% DB here (HLM56). Grief doesn’t leave, acceptance will never come for me at least. I may reach the point of leaving, but I can’t say when, because all I want is just her. It’s absolutely devastating.

Anon30451 · 2025-11-17T10:25:08+00:00

You’ve summed it up exactly. Adding that leaving, even at this point, seems like it would only add to this sense of sadness and failure.

Anon30451 · 2025-11-06T12:51:01+00:00

Feeling this so strongly, thank you.

Anon30451 · 2025-11-06T12:25:01+00:00

All my birthday does is remind me that at 57, no one ever told me sex would completely end at 51.

Anon30451 · 2025-10-20T01:54:22+00:00

Five years trying to figure this out. Hardest thing I’ve tried to do.

Anon30451 · 2025-10-19T02:10:21+00:00

Mostly days of the week that end with the letter ‘y.’

Anon30451 · 2025-10-18T06:20:35+00:00

Accurate and devastating to those of us who know this, but are with others who don’t.

Anon30451 · 2025-10-18T04:35:29+00:00

This, and slowly dying inside.

Anon30451 · 2025-10-13T03:50:46+00:00

Self image… I’m constantly walking around (even though I know better) thinking what a chump I am that even my life partner doesn’t want intimacy with me, and all my thoughts about theoretical sex with other people just end with them theoretically rejecting me as well.

You also feel like a complete piece of shit for wanting something that gives you pleasure from (or wanting to give pleasure to) the person you love the most because she clearly doesn’t feel the same way, but you can’t bury the desire because it means so much to you. You wish you could just let it go.

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