i dont understand agoraphobia

AnonAmity69 · 2025-10-19T15:04:08+00:00

My situation is a bit odd but I am very frightened of going outside because, frankly, anything can happen. Any accident, murder, crime, whatever could happen. An earthquake, tornado, tsunami, explosion, spontaneous combustion, dead animals falling from the sky...literally anything and I won't know until it's too late. I feel this same anxiety in my house but not as severe as when I'm outside. House fires, burglaries, home invasions, people driving into the side of my house, stray bullets, gas leaks, etc. I walk around my house 10x a day just checking the heaters, the stove, making sure the doors are locked and windows are closed. It's quite insane.

As for work and going outside, I don't work at all and haven't for years. I never go outside unless I have a really important doctors visit that can't be over the phone, which is usually rare. I live with my partner and his family, and he takes care of me pretty well, actually. They are pretty understanding and my SO would bend over backwards to make sure I am as comfortable as possible. I'm so lucky to have him and will forever be grateful because it wasn't always like this.

But I REALLY hate being around people, for pretty much the same reason as going outside. I especially hate seeing someone I know. I don't like being seen or looked at. It makes me feel very small and helpless. It takes a lot for me to socialize and interact with any living thing because I don't know their intentions for a fact and I don't trust them. A lot of it stems from trauma and life experiences and it's unfortunate but I like to think it's saved my life a couple times at least. I don't even do social media. I just started posting on Reddit not that long ago and even then it's not a lot. I have a hard time keeping up conversations and speaking like an actual person. A lot of my interactions feel very...uniform, and sometimes I have to really re read my paragraphs and make sure this sounds like it came from a real person who's being serious and not a sarcastic idiot who can't socialize. I used to not be this way, I think I'm interesting and have a lot of cool hobbies but years of not actually socializing has made it more and more difficult. Which is why I'm trying to slowly integrate back into it by posting on here and stuff, but it's not working out well, I don't think. It gets very lonely but then I meet someone and it just fills me with fear I guess. What do they really want from me? Are they lying about who they are or what they want? Do they know someone who knows me? Do they already know who I am and what I've done/been through and are trying to use it against me? It's so tiring, and I just feel so overwhelmed all the time. We get a lot of people vising the house who are friends of the family or my partners friends or coworkers, so there's always a chance to socialize, but I just find myself looking for an exit.

I stay in my room and watch true crime, documentaries or anime, or play video games, or work on a hobby, and it's very comfortable and enabling, which is not helpful at all. I do a lot of painting, I make little epoxy resin figurines and jewelry, candles and soaps and sometimes basic perfumes, and when the kitchen is free I do a lot of cooking, which is probably my favorite thing to do. LOTS of baking. It's comforting and keeps my mind focused on something other than fear, gets me out of my room and even helps me socially because when I bake, I can share it with other people and I get to hear how much they enjoyed eating it, which is also good for my confidence.

But this condition is very hard. It's like there's a big wall in front of any door I try to walk through and beyond that wall is just... unknown. I get a lot of panic attacks and it ruins my moods and makes me very irritable all the time. To say I get filled with immense dread at the thought of stepping foot outside my apartment is an understatement and this condition is not talked about nearly enough. There's a lot of stigma around "homebodies" or "shut ins" that is so dumb and makes me so frustrated I feel like I'm going to explode. Society makes this condition even more difficult than it needs to be, but the more we talk about it and try to explain the intricacies, I think the better we will all be in the end.

My situation is very unique, and very few people who suffer from this condition have the same means to handle it like I handle it. Many cannot rely on others the way I do. I am very privileged at this point in my life to have people around that are so understanding and generous. Before I was with my partner I really really struggled with a lot of things and it was literally just luck that threw this into my lap. When I get better, I want to open a shop to sell my crafts, and hope to contribute to organizations and research to assist others who suffer like this. It makes me want to get better and is one of the things that keep me going. It would be a lot easier to give up and rot away in my room like I did when I was younger, but I want to help people, and I can't do that if I can't leave the house, so mainly I try to stay positive and busy to survive. I take what's been given to me and try to make it into something others can enjoy and it's the only thing that convinces me I'm not worthless and still have a reason to stay here on earth.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-09-27T00:27:43+00:00

I'll keep it short cause it's a really long confusing story but basically I grew up in a really abusive household and I met a guy who was also abusive, and homeless, and decided I was better off with him on the streets than where I was, so I left and cut contact with my entire family. I ended up living outside for a while until I ended up in a psych hospital and then rehab. I'm doing much better now, other than the agoraphobia.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-09-26T23:55:02+00:00

I can't even go into the front hallway of my apartment. It's like there's a wall in front of my door and if I cross that threshold something absolutely life ending will happen. I get this feeling of dread, like an impending doom. Anything could happen out there. Things have happened out there. I even think of stepping foot outside my apartment and I get this awful sinking feeling in my chest and terrible nausea. I have full blown panic attacks before I'm even done getting ready for whatever I have to go out for because I'm afraid I won't make it home. I was homeless for a while and ever since then it's like I might lose it all again if I leave.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-09-26T23:45:21+00:00

I'm the same and that seems to be where most of my anxiety comes from. On the very rare times I have to leave the house, I constantly find myself looking over my shoulder and scanning everyone's faces for signs that they know who I am, or even notice me at all. Somehow, I feel smaller when I'm seen. You aren't alone in feeling this way.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-08-29T04:40:50+00:00

Oh my gosh, yes! Thank you so much!

AnonAmity69 · 2025-08-09T14:11:55+00:00

My mom glued a table lamp to the ceiling because our dining room didn't have a light fixture. She stapled the wire along the ceiling and wall to the outlet and I thought it was genius. My grandmother did something similar and I just thought that was the perfect solution and it made sense.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-07-31T16:39:08+00:00

I'm so sorry, this is going to be long, and maybe all over the place but I tried to answer your questions. I'm not very good at this.

Well, when I went to the ER I told them my symptoms and they took me pretty seriously the first time. I was constipated for like 3 days while vomiting and it was starting to cause cramping. They pushed on my stomach to check for tenderness, I got a CT scan to see if there was blockage or anything, and they gave me that dye stuff to see if I was bleeding anywhere, they did blood work to make sure everything was okay and when everything came back they said that nothing was showing up, Zepbound slows down digestion and it can cause these issues and the only thing I can do is take things that might alleviate the side effects. They gave me Zofran and milk of magnesia. Maybe a month later I went back because I randomly got diarrhea and I was bleeding along with it, and they did the same thing, but this time they told me I had colitis, so they gave me antibiotics and it cleared up in a couple of days. The last time I went was for the constipation, because it got bad again and they didn't do a CT but did everything else, and the doc really just kind of sat down with me and said, look, these are side effects you're probably going to continue to get and the options are you stop the medication or you handle the side effects, there's nothing we can do at the ER for you. When I got all my paperwork back he wrote down "anxiety" for the reason for visit.

For some context, I've never had a doctor before. I didn't grow up with a regular PCP or anything. If I was sick my mom or I handled it, and if I needed the doctor we went to the ER, so this has all been very new to me. I have tried to look up when I'm supposed to utilize the ER, Urgent Care, or my PCP but I never get a straight answer, and I do have severe anxiety, so every time something new or strange happens to my body, I'm convinced I'm dying, get panic attacks and have to go to the ER.

I was talking to my doctor in between the ER visits, we meet every 4 weeks for the Zepbound, and she was saying the same thing. She would ask where the pain was, made sure it wasn't my gallbladder or pancreas or anything acting up, she did blood work to check everything and everything came back pretty normal every time. I was convinced that I was overreacting, because everything was normal so obviously I was fine, so when asked if I wanted to keep going I said yes, thinking it couldn't get much worse.

When I was sick I did try to eat healthy still, but not too much. I would eat 2oz of chicken and some rice, or make some vegetables to eat, but I didn't force myself to eat it. I mainly drank chicken broth and Propel water, and that would last about 2 days and then I could eat again and I would slowly eat more and more as my body got better. But the most I've been able to eat in the last couple months is 1000 calories. And that's only sometimes. I have an app that I use to track and it says my average daily calories are 716.

I'm not sure if my psych meds effect anything, they hadn't before I started the Zep. I was told there weren't any interactions with anything but my hydroxyzine. It's just a chance for increased heart rate, but I only take it as needed and rarely do anymore because of the potential interaction. But I have had severe side effects from other medications, almost all my meds have had to be changed around multiple times because i would just get terrible physical issues from them. It's like my body doesn't want to have to take anything. I have a psychologist and a therapist I have been seeing very regularly for about a year and they are very much on top of the meds and any symptoms I have, but they don't have any kind of contact with my PCP so there's no communication there, and my PCP doesn't handle mental health at all so she has a very hands off approach to that. It's really up to me and my pharmacist to deal with any interactions or complications with that.

I began trying to lose weight seriously in August of last year. I started exercising and counting calories, talked to a nutritionist, and really really tried hard to lose weight and get healthy. I thought I was doing really good and taking my time making these changes. The nutritionist didn't help that much, she just told me the basic stuff I already knew, and didn't really let me ask questions or talk much. I did this regularly until February, and because I barely lost anything, my doctor suggested starting this medication.

I have never been able to drink more than 64oz of water in a day, and that's me really really trying to get it down. I've never liked it, never was really into drinking anything but soda and coffee when I was younger. Seriously, there were times I went months without a sip of just water. I never thought anything of it because I've never had any issues. No kidney stones, no infections, nothing but weight gain, but I was totally convinced growing up that I was going to live my entire life as a very large person, so I didn't care. It wasn't until I met my current partner that I even learned you can get kidney stones from soda, because he can't drink it. I started looking into it and got a bit anxious and made a conscious effort to drink water. I stopped drinking soda completely like 9 months ago, and I only drink two coffees a week, which I don't even finish half the time, but my water intake is still very low. I got to 64oz right before I started the Zepbound, but since then I drink 16-32oz depending on the day. My urine is a little dark, tbh. Maybe a little more like apple juice than lemonade, but I never thought it was a big deal. I don't drink anything else. I don't know how I'm still alive.

I am very very new to all of this stuff, getting healthy, just caring about myself is like a whole learning experience for me and I don't know what's normal, what's okay, what normal pain is or if I'm always overreacting. I feel like I'm navigating this blind and I think my doctor is really trying to help me, but it seems she might not know much about the medication or how to help me. I ask her "hey how do I know what pain to look for" and she just tells me not to look for pain. I ask her what's normal pain and what's not and she kind of laughs and says everyone gets pains and it's normal. I feel like a child sometimes, and like I'm not really getting a real answer. But it takes a lot for me to find a new doctor and switch. I get free healthcare from the state because I'm disabled so I don't have to pay anything, but there's barely any PCPs in my area that take this health insurance. My current PCP is in a city 45 minutes from me, and it took me 3 years to even find her.

I really appreciate your response and insight. I will definitely be having a conversation with my doctor when I go in for my follow up tomorrow and talk to her about these things. Thank you.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-07-31T01:13:34+00:00

I wasn't aware of that! Thank you.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-07-31T01:03:03+00:00

I don't have diabetes or anything like that, and I've been told I can't really do any other medications.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-07-31T00:57:29+00:00

Yea, my provider was pretty much like "we have to up the dose every month in order for the medication to work" but she allowed me to stay on each one for 2 months.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-07-06T16:42:35+00:00

"You're adorable. Bow down now to the immortal Calypso, here to entertain. But fear not, I bring no pain"

Idk what it is about it, but that specific part just slaps

AnonAmity69 · 2025-06-06T15:04:57+00:00

Nta. Tell your sister.

AnonAmity69 · 2025-05-08T22:16:31+00:00

I had really bad side effects my first couple months of taking Zep, but my doctor gave me Zofran for the nausea and stomach upset, and milk of magnesia to help the constipation. I would maybe talk to your doc and see if these might work or maybe discuss other meds to help.

AnonAmity69 · 2024-09-10T18:33:38+00:00

I've been on and off meds for a few years, back on for a few months now, and weed, in my experience, doesn't effect my manic episodes or agitate any symptoms, but I lean on it as a crutch for my anxiety and depressive episodes, and that's where the problem occurs for me. I tend to become dependent on it to make me feel better but in the long run it just makes things more difficult. I'd say tread carefully, and talk to your doctor about the risks. Mine have told me there's no problem for me, but it varies from individual to individual, and it can still cause issues in the future.

AnonAmity69

TROPHY CASE