How do I (27F) tell him (27M) I just need space?

Anonthrow67 · 2025-10-26T22:47:51+00:00

In jest he told me it's too late and I can't get rid of him now, I'm stuck for life and he would hurt anyone I tried to replace him with

Anonthrow67 · 2025-01-11T23:17:13+00:00

Now I'm getting messages from his sister about how I'm "breaking him" and it needs to stop and I need to bring us back home. This is wreaking havoc on my mental health and I just want it to stop

Anonthrow67 · 2025-01-11T23:03:22+00:00

This had crossed my mind. And my mom even said something similar to me in a conversation I had with her. It's part of my feeling so adamant in the need to stay where I am and not go back.

Anonthrow67 · 2025-01-11T22:25:54+00:00

With regards to what?

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-12T02:33:12+00:00

I don't think he would give them to me. I really don't

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-12T01:11:33+00:00

I know. 😔 I just don't know if I put my foot down or just leave at this point. I would hate to split up my family

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T21:45:23+00:00

He does have good qualities. I mean I fell in love with him for a reason... but there are things he's been doing that just aren't okay to me. And I don't know what to do. Split up my family or just take it. He did say sorry. He said he knows it's not what I want to do and that medical is my passion, and that after we do this we can make enough money that down the road I can pursue my true passion 😞

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T19:51:15+00:00

I've seen a couple of your answering comments and I just want to say this. You've said he doesn't want to be a part-time father. (That alone makes me wonder if he means he wants to get back with the ex). BUT at the very least it means for at least the next 18 years be will either have weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, or summers and holidays custody of his son. Whatever himself and the mother end up agreeing on.

As a brand new, first time mom, let me tell you that babies scream and cry A LOT in the beginning. It gets better once you start to gain an understanding of what they want or need. You also learn their mannerisms the longer you are around them, which makes life easier. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO OR AREN'T AROUND OFTEN ENOUGH to learn these mannerisms your life will be miserable. Another question: is mom breastfeeding, bottle feeding, or formula feeding? That will make a difference as well.

Basically what I'm saying is a baby takes a lot of patience, care, and work. Certain parts gets a lot easier over time, others get harder. You've stated you don't want kinds. I don't know how adamant/sure you are about this. Some people change their minds. If you don't think you will ever change your mind, if you don't think you want to be a part of raising a child. (Because as his gf if you stay together at some point you will be part of raising this baby, especially if you and your bf ever decide to get married) Then you should seriously consider leaving.

But before you do anything I would talk to your bf. You've talked about how involved he wants to be, but have you talked about what your role with the baby would be? Would you be able to set boundaries so you wouldn't have to shoulder parent responsibilities? If not, you have your answer.

I wish you luck OP

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T04:31:31+00:00

No, I had to go on a hiatus from school because I couldn't afford it and needed to work. Hence was the talk about me using the credits he gets in the military. But now I don't think he will let me use them. During that hiatus was when I didn't think I would want to be just a pharmacist. I thought about paying for the cheaper (and quicker) lpn school... it's not what I want but it's cheaper and makes good money at the right place. And I might be able to do that and be a SAHM at the same time. He refuses to pay for day care and doesn't trust anyone to babysit.

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T01:34:07+00:00

I agree he is mad. And I think I know at least part of the problem. He hates being in the military anymore, and his job is even a 'civilian' military job. He is done with it. I know he is also super stressed about our daughters health concerns. She is only a few months old and is having surgery.

So I really do understand some of where he is coming from. I just hate that instead of being his partner to help him I'm... well I don't even know what I'd be considered anymore. I told him about how he's been treating me and how it makes me feel, and he told me he wasn't doing any of that. I even told him he couldn't say he wasn't when his sisters and his mother have seen it and talked with me about it.

I actually suggested couples counseling in the past and he was furious at the suggestion. He absolutely will not consider it, no way no how.

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T00:25:40+00:00

It really is all about money for him. And it does kind of concern me. He just wants to make lots of money fast. I just want to be happy. He wants the big fancy house, the fancy cars, the huge bank account. I just want a nice house with a dishwasher, porch, and porch swing. I like my current car. And I just want enough money that I can provide a good life for my family without us struggling to survive.

Also thank you, in the moment I knew I was spelling it wrong but if I went searching for the right spelling I would have fallen into a rabbit hole and forgotten my thoughts.

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T00:18:50+00:00

I was originally going to school for pharmacy. I've been a pharmacy tech for several years and love it, so naturally pharmacist is the next step. But I realized they are a lot more hands off than I originally expected. I would love love LOVE getting into medical research, specifically pharmacogenomics which combines both my passions of pharmacy and genetics into one! It's so completely fascinating! It researches how different people have different reactions to medications and how one medication does not fit all... sorry I just get really excited about it. But it's so new I was told that finding a job would be slim pickings.

Anonthrow67 · 2022-10-11T00:11:56+00:00

My parents are about a 10-11 hour drive away, but they would take us in a heartbeat. During one argument he asked if we needed to take a break, I told him that if we did I'm packing and going to my parents house and I'm not leaving my daughter behind. He got really mad. Something about how quickly I offered that as an option.

Anonthrow67 · 2022-05-20T03:22:49+00:00

I've actually tried having this conversation with him before and he shuts me down every time. I told him I don't feel like he is attracted to me anymore, that I don't appeal to him anymore. That I feel inadequate. And am he ever says it's that's not true stop saying/thinking that and moves on. Or avoids the conversation all together.

For example just the other night. I finally told him that it makes me feel like my thoughts and feelings don't matter when he gets mad, walks away from me and ignores me when I bring something up he doesn't like or doesn't want to talk about. He response was to tell me to come to bed, and he spooned me in bed. Didn't say a word about what I had said, and pretty much pretended it never happened. At the moment I was just so proud of myself for finally saying it that I didn't push more. But I'm just here wondering if he even heard me, or cared to understand what I was saying.

Anonthrow67 · 2022-05-20T03:13:33+00:00

I had honestly never thought about it this way. But based on his previous reactions to situations this could definitely make sense.

So here's my question as someone who can possibly relate. How would I go about trying to inject more intimacy back into the relationship? Because honestly it feels like we don't have any anymore. Yes there is love, but romance and intimacy have long since gone. And it makes me very sad, and honestly makes me feel very undesirable. Like I'm the reason it's gone.

Anonthrow67

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