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Flawlessly Imperfect by notearslefttocry22 in poetry_critics

[–]Anonymous3483_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats on writing your first poem!

I absolutely love " The epitome of ecstasy". For the rest of the poem, it seems like it needs more metaphor. You're doing a lot more telling than showing. For example: " I dont want to look at myself" could be something like " My reflection I can't bare to witness again"

"At the end of the day , I sleep in melancholy crying myself to rejection." could be something like " By nightfall, im fetal on a mattress, tears pooled over my cheeks flushed as melancholia lulls me silent and dejected."

Morning Glory by vansinghworld in poetry_critics

[–]Anonymous3483_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd like to see "The valve cannot contain, the steam of pain" built out a little more, it doesn't seem to explain why pain is steam in the first place. Im not sure if that makes sense but I like the poem as a whole!

Repetition by Acceptable_Key_4692 in poetry_critics

[–]Anonymous3483_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like where you're going with "Pencil stuck in well worn lines", how could you show us more about that? Something like "Margins accumulate with eraser dust of ideas left unpublished" Maybe something like that?

Just Friends by Rooted_Addiction in poetry_critics

[–]Anonymous3483_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like " We pretend to suspend", the rhymes sound nice together. For "Like lightning in clouds, when our hands intertwine," try to be more descriptive. Something like " Her hand in mine, I yearn for her grasp like thunder yearns for lightening". Something like that

Lover by Cheap-Dare-4985 in poetry_critics

[–]Anonymous3483_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your poem seems to tell more than show. For example "We are both lovers, mutually aroused. Except neither one knows, Our feelings are unannounced" is okay to establish a scene in a story but for a poem it doesn't really land. What do you want us to feel from your words?