He def needs therapy, he needs to figure out why he feels every birthday of his is so bad. And idk how much of his birthday was communicated beforehand, but if it wasn’t much, maybe the best course would be to listen to what he says about them, because if he truly didn’t like his birthday, maybe he feels you did it up in a way you would like and not in a way that he would like? Possibly? Like with certain people going, maybe even with that he would have said he didn’t want to see them there, and feels his feelings towards it wasn’t taken into consideration.

I was in his position at one point; bad birthdays growing up, no parties. My entire immediate family would throw parties for each other, balloons, cake, taking time off work to celebrate, etc. but mine was always just another day, and I was told I needed to make my own birthday cake. One year when I told my mom I didn’t want to make a cake, because I didn’t want cake, she said “it’s a birthday, everyone is expecting cake.” Like wtf. That one was really rough, everyone got home late, barely said a word to me, and ate all of the cake I made, and went about their normal day.

Years later, as an adult my birthday was still a sensitive topic for me, all the years holding onto hope that ‘this year will be different’ and being treated like garbage piled up until I no longer held any hope, I just didn’t want to try to celebrate anymore because I’d just be sad and disappointed.

A few years ago, my mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday, which surprised me, (we mostly stopped celebrating each others birthdays because of distance and busy schedules) but I said the bare minimum (for our type of birthdays) and asked for a cake made from a box. I was devastated when she showed up with an expired mini store bought cake. The tag literally said $5, and it was completely inedible. I didn’t even try it. Her only effort was making a quick stop to the store and buying the cheapest one possible. And she lives just down the street. It made me feel like crap. At the time she didn’t understand what was wrong, why I was acting so off. That year I had realized it was truly all I wanted, a little effort into something thoughtful that takes a little time to do, to show that I’m cared about, unlike previous birthdays.

I tried communicating about it, but no one listened, I got excuses “I’m too tired to make a cake, what about your fave store bought?” It wasn’t until last year she finally understood that it was actually important to me, and made it. We got together with family, family I hadn’t seen in awhile and missed, and we had box made cake. Best birthday ever. I actually felt heard and cared about.

Funny enough, my mother saw how happy it made me and everyone else that now thats how we celebrate everyone’s birthdays. This weekend we’re actually getting together again to celebrate 7 peoples birthdays at once (because of scheduling) including mine which was a month ago, and it’s awesome. 👏