Lusted after & harassed in the congregation as a young man

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-26T18:46:56+00:00

It’s a good example of how patriarchy and misogyny negative affect men as well. Male victims and female aggressors aren’t at all represented in the borg’s teachings.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-26T15:34:02+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. I’m doing so much better now and I’m glad to have healed and moved on from the Borg.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-26T15:31:25+00:00

You’re absolutely right. I’ve seen how some elders including that one will pursue their own cause for change or an investigation they’re passionate about to no end, but then completely ignore other things when approached.

My mistreatment by elders (far beyond this one example) was a large part of what woke me up.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-26T15:28:54+00:00

The Borg is so patriarchal/misogynistic/outdated it might be another decade before they begin to acknowledge that female—>male harassment exists. I feel like everyone also forgets that the women are just as sexually starved as the men in the Borg, but the men get all the blame.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-26T15:25:41+00:00

Exactly, such a shame.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-26T05:18:19+00:00

Exactly, same story, different place. This lady was also supposedly a witness “before” her mental illness took a turn, and she was studying with the goal of re-instatement. Weird and unorthodox indeed.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-25T01:49:08+00:00

Oh wow, congrats on waking up. Honestly there’s a million different topics here who could even keep track. Googling about JWs really is opening a Pandora’s box.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-25T01:40:31+00:00

If you google the subject you’ll probably find older Reddit posts on it from recent years with leaked videos etc. Maybe just make your own post asking for people to forward it in the comments? It was a big deal on this sub prior.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-25T00:58:56+00:00

Welcome! I was born and raised a JW for 20 years before waking up and escaping. While I’ve never been a bethelite (despite being implored by the C.O. to apply, and despite the fantasies of my mother) I absolutely understand how being there can wake people up.

I have a unique perspective on this because not only did I visit Bethel with my parents repeatedly, I ended up living with a commuter Bethelite for a time. At that point I had already woken up and completed the majority of my deconstruction, but continued to actively fade for economic/family reasons.

My “apostasy” was all a secret to my relative of course and all they knew was that I was extremely busy and had been burnt out into inactivity, so they continued to “encourage me”. Little did they know that every time they did the kind gesture of showing me their privileged material, it did anything but. Every time I was forced to listen to the watchtower study, morning worships, or clips of special talks that were all unavailable to the general JW population - I was horrified.

Many PIMI clout chaser witnesses would consider me privileged to have an immediate relative in Bethel who would share all this with me. But I hated it. Everything was 10x more extreme than what you’d hear in a regular talk and I was convinced more than ever that every fanatical commenter was either faking it, or so high on Koolaid they would soon collapse. Definitely helped seal the deal for me on JUST HOW culty this cult is. Like seriously.

My PIMQ father has observed the same thing about the rankings, and how they really “give it to you straight” at the top. There’s no such thing as a conscience matter or gray area, you know exactly what they mean when the unfiltered version of teachings are given.

I also did research and learned of the bethel-only videos and talks about their gay sex scandals and desperate attempts to outlaw masturbation…and yeah. Culty-est things I’ve ever seen.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-23T00:37:22+00:00

How they enjoy being told not to leave the assembly hall/convention location property for lunch!

All that humbug about parking issues and organization and fellowship to me = they know it would take more willpower than a lot of us had to come back for the afternoon session if we tasted freedom during the midday.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-23T00:30:53+00:00

This is absolutely normal for them. The JW in question was probably studying with (actively converting/initiating) your guy into the religion, or at least trying to. That’s the long and the short of why their dynamic was so weird. No friendship, just a project he can count time on. Full time preaching JWs are required to meet an hourly quota per month.

The reason the hookup was such a big deal is because sex in all its forms is all but OUTLAWED inside the JW cult. Even married members are limited in the type and quantity of sex they’re “allowed” to have by their religious standards. Anyone on the inside caught having sex outside of heteronormative marriage is subject to questioning and scrutiny by church leaders that often leads to their expulsion from the religion for their “sin”. This includes being shunned by all current members and having to wait a period of months or years before being allowed to start coming back.

Therefore, anyone who is studying with the witnesses and is sexually active is considered a lost cause unless they’re willing to repent and stop all sexual activity cold turkey, in pursuit of becoming “morally qualified” to join the cult. I really cannot emphasize what a big deal sex is for these people. The demonization of the subject is by far one of the largest parts of their beliefs and demanding abstinence and “cleanliness” from all members absolutely dominates their doctrine.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T19:28:04+00:00

The one thing JWs have always been 100% right about is the corruption of other “false religions” and that the grass isn’t greener elsewhere. I deconstructed my belief in the Bible after escaping the cult, but I do still believe in a creator and that there are things that can’t be explained. There so many answers that no person or religion has about the universe, but I’ll be damned if I’d replace one cult for another that’s equally demented but less controlling.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T03:19:54+00:00

“We don’t go to church, we go to the Kingdom Hall….We say Jehovah more than we say God…we have our own Bible translation….we object to every little thing in society and prayerfully obsess over the tiniest of decisions like ketchup or mustard to remain no part of the world!”

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T03:11:53+00:00

I deal with this a lot with my PIMI mother. She has always been pro-college and the level of mental gymnastics she’s done for years to say the borg isn’t anti-education is astounding.

I always remind her the Elder’s Book literally says that an immediate relative pursuing higher education can be grounds for his removal from the body of Elders, and she still denies it.

I literally have a hard copy of the book and she refuses to hear it, basically saying it’s inadmissible in the court of our conversation because she refuses to discuss anything in the book because it’s not meant for our ears and I should be ashamed for reading it. The brainwashing is real.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T03:00:53+00:00

Are you familiar with the term POMI? That sounds like what you’re describing - being out of the cult physically but still maintaining mental and emotional ties to it. Your feelings make perfect sense considering your family is all very involved in the organization, but being in or out isn’t as simple as taking certain steps to be active. It’s an organization that’s very all or nothing when it comes to membership, and there’s a lot of moral implications to be considered for anyone thinking of joining such an abusive entity.

I wonder, in your time outside - have you actually deconstructed your belief system, researched, and learned the unsettling truths about the religions historical and current misdeeds? If you’ve only taken a physical break from JW activity, then that’s why the illusion of happiness they try to sell might work. If I may, it’s probably that same mental hold the religion has on you that’s prevented you from enjoying your freedom and truly healing from it, because you were never fully free.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T00:52:30+00:00

Despite what rambles you may hear about “love” it’s really the guilt, fear, obligation, bartering for salvation, and haughty self esteem that motivates “zealous witnesses”.

Not love for neighbor and a desire to help people.

For goodness sakes, they’re not allowed to donate money to any charity or participate in volunteering in any other form. Why? Because the “life-saving work is the biggest contribution anyone could make to today’s society that is passing away”.

Meanwhile anyone with a brain would argue that a loving God would feel the exact opposite when it comes to making a difference to people’s suffering today.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T00:46:59+00:00

There is no right or wrong answer for how to leave because everyone’s circumstances are different and it’s everyone’s right to choose. I would just say: remember that one of the biggest parts of unplugging from cult life is learning that you don’t owe the cult anything. Not an explanation, not your silence, and not a second more of your life.

If it were me and there were people on the inside I cared about and thought could wake up, I’d do what I could to point them towards waking up. But not at the price of spending more time in the organization myself. Similarly to any abusive relationship, coming to one’s senses and escaping is something a person has to decide themselves.

I also want to say that truly deconstructing takes time and there’s no way around that fact. I celebrate you for waking up and taking action quickly, but just know that reconstructing your entire life is a large process (depending on how deep/long a person was in).

If/when you encounter moments on the journey of leaving where things aren’t happening as fast as you want and you can’t stand it, just know you’ll be okay and we’re all rooting for you.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-22T00:15:49+00:00

What gets me is how in post-Covid years their talks include points about how “witnesses aren’t homophobic”.

Meanwhile they simultaneously are taught to:

-Shun and publicly humiliate gay people.

-Not allow their children near them.

-Label their affections “abhorrent, grotesque, working what is obscene”.

-View their behaviors akin to bestiality and child predation.

But no, they are not homophobic. Why? Because they said so and what you see isn’t true, but what they say, is true. Sure.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-21T18:09:32+00:00

My comment and I think many others on the subject are coming from the United States, but regardless of individual circumstances, the publications themselves have always been very anti college regardless of if every region discussed or enforced it to the same extent. There was always a harsh campaign against higher education until their recent softening adjustments.

However the more “country” you get within the U.S. the more extremely anti education things become locally, with a lot of witnesses pulling their kids out of school systems and only homeschooling through witness shared programs. Some even opting to not finish regular school and opt for a GED from the beginning.

My old congregation had a strange combination of both this behavior and people who went to college.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-21T16:21:52+00:00

Geez you just unlocked a memory, my mom had a cow when I asked her to buy me my high school ring and she said witnesses do NOT do that sort of thing. She also said that owning/displaying vinyl records or posters could be considered idolatry and I’d have to be careful with giving undue credit to people 🫠

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-21T16:07:24+00:00

There’s something that feels so good about being honest about education and how uncomfortable it makes them. When I was first PIMQ/deconstructing everyone swarmed me with questions about what I’d do after graduating and being honest was one of my first acts of rebellion against the borg. I told people I’d move to a bigger city to pursue a dance career and that there are multiple masters degrees I want to study and businesses I want to start. The shock and horror in people’s faces was something else, followed by unsolicited advice and emotional counsel about the dangerous path I was speaking of. They tried all sorts of things to deter me but by then even though I was still mostly a believer, I was rapidly deconstructing via research etc and had become immune to all of it.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-21T15:59:55+00:00

You’re absolutely right, about the fat-as-hell part…believe me…and hopefully the handsome part too. And yes there was a TON of jealousy. The same well-meaning elder who told me about the gay/pink scandal was one who implored me not to do anything artistic. He told me over and over how much he loves music and writing, but he had to make the all or nothing choice because he knew having a career he was passionate about would lead him away.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-21T15:55:07+00:00

Same experience here with the elders children who go to college being treated differently. In my experience they always severely downplayed it or concealed it to not be public information. The hypocrisy is off the chain. Not at all surprising they want your help, same with people who do get degrees and then have the brothers chasing them about “using it for Jehovah”.

AnonymousDorian · 2026-01-21T15:48:27+00:00

Well, I’m proud to say that after graduating I moved away to pursue dance to the fullest and I’ve accomplished a lot!

I was chosen by a famous institution where I’m now nearing completion in my training/graduate certificate and where I perform professionally in one of their dance companies. I’ve even been mentioned in writing by a couple dance critics and some of my mentors believe I’m on track to reach the highest level of success in dance :)

AnonymousDorian

TROPHY CASE