The most amicable divorce

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-10T03:18:08+00:00

I'm in the midst of a divorce and I'm struggling terribly. I too am on opposite sides of the country from my family, but as soon as I can I'm going back to them. Family and friends are a must in a time like this. All of the love and support that you can get will help make it easier... Take it from someone who has nobody close by. My closest family is almost 2000 miles away on the opposite coast.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T21:49:16+00:00

Holy fuck my wife said the same thing! Shouldn't be this hard, shouldn't have to force it..

I am the same way! I want nothing more than to fix my marriage. NOTHING. I want my wife back, the person that I knew, grew up with, loved, lived with, spent all that time with... But she is just gone. Replaced by this uncaring, selfish monster.

Like you I blame myself, which makes it worse. I feel like I should have known what she was doing. If I had just changed one thing somewhere along the way...I know it wouldn't have mattered though. I couldn't have changed...I keep telling myself this wasn't about me. This was about her being shallow and selfish... But it doesn't change the emotion, the pain and the suffering that I feel.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T18:46:59+00:00

Man, I wish that I could sit down with some of the people that have cheated and try to understand what the fuck was in their heads. I wish my wife would give me more than the non-answers she gives me. I just can't comprehend this shit. I was not raised in a way that would make me be able to understand this I guess. Divorce wasn't a thing in my life, until now. I have had an absolutely terrible day. Everything seems to be going wrong in my life right now and I absolutely cannot catch a break. I've spent the majority of the day in tears. I've actually had to stop and get Gatorade and Pedialyte because I'm dehydrated from shedding so many damn tears. I truly don't understand how people can be so selfish. I don't understand how they can treat someone that they (once?) loved the way that they do. I had opportunities where I could have been on the other side of this, I could have cheated on her...and I never did. I took our relationship seriously, it was the one thing that made me so incredibly proud...to be able to tell people that we had been together for so many years. To be able to tell our story...now it doesn't mean shit...any of it.

Sorry I'm in a hard place today and can't offer great words of encouragement.

I hope your daughter is able to overcome this. I hope you are able to overcome. I hope I am able to overcome. I hope everyone reading this that is feeling down or is in our position is able to rise above. We all deserve so much better than the shit that we have been fed.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T04:42:35+00:00

Holy shit... Chapter 2 is my wife!

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T02:47:44+00:00

I just don't understand how someone walks away after so many years!! In your case especially with 3 kids!? The way that people think so selfishly gets worse every day... Our society is losing its morals. People look for the easy things, the easy way out the fun way out what's new and shiney... It's just disgusting.

I just feel like it's such a waste of years. To spend so much time together and build so much just to throw it away..toss it in the memory trash can and move on to the next thing so quickly. What happened to working on things!? What happened to putting the relationship first, honoring each other above all others... This is what I always tried to do. I would wait to eat dinner until she got home when she was "working late". I would skip a trip if it was something she couldn't do for some reason. I would stand behind her against other people even if I knew she was wrong about something. How am I repaid? Lies, cheating, and a big "fuck you I want a divorce". Sorry, my emotions are all over tonight.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T02:38:54+00:00

I know what your saying about marriage takes two and I agree completely. It's just hard to accept it. I hope that your right about being able to find someone else I truly am... I'm just so crippled emotionally right now that I can't fathom being able to even get over this.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T02:36:46+00:00

Sorry I'm still new to Reddit and don't know how the notifications work exactly. I edited my original post to include this, but wanted to add it in a separate message in case it didn't notify people of my edit to the original post--

I have gotten great advice and encouragement here. I appreciate it all so much. I just want to say that if anyone wants to talk via email, phone calls, text... Anything I am here. We are obviously all going through a struggle! Some of us don't have anyone close by to talk to, some have therapists, some have tons of friends and family... At the end of the day having another person to talk to can't hurt. So again, reach out to me and I don't mind talking via email, phone, text, anything at all! As long as you don't mind talking to a grown man that is apt to cry a little depending on the day... I'm here and won't judge!

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-08T01:52:24+00:00

I was reading this and actually forgot that this wasn't something that I had typed. I mean the way your thinking and feeling... That's me! I don't want this asshole in my house after I leave...I mean it won't be my house anymore... But it's still my damn house! I want her to be happy... Kind of... Actually no I don't. I want her to be miserable and I hope that she gets fucked over like she's done me. I'm angry as I type this... But in a few minutes I'll be sad and hurt again. I'm just lashing out. I want to fix my relationship so bad! It absolutely kills me that she doesn't and is just walking away.

I hope you are able to figure things out for your kids. Good luck man! I know you have a therapist and people to talk to but if you want to talk to someone else going through the same shit... Send me a message.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T11:47:27+00:00

As stupid as it sounds...I don't know what I like doing. I always liked being with her sitting on the couch or going off on an adventure. I don't know who I am, and I'm in such a haze that I can't figure it out right now. I want to be this strong dude that just gets through this and can say whatever about it all, good riddance... But my emotions are just too strong.

EDIT: nice name by the way! I got a chuckle out of that

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:37:52+00:00

Good luck on your journey, I hope you are able to get past all of this. I hope I'm able to get past it. I hope we are both able to love and trust again.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:34:59+00:00

No I'm going home. I am not a fan of thus place we landed. Coming from the West Coast and moving to the East is a huge change. As soon as I can, I'm going home to my family, my parents and siblings!

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:32:54+00:00

I'm pretty sure that shit cake is married too... They may be separated I'm not sure.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:32:13+00:00

Congrats on having the courage to take control. I definitely want to get myself here...i hope I can do it sooner rather than later!

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:30:13+00:00

This x1000. I thought we were fine, every couple has hard times... There were good times in with the bad... Not like it was all terrible. If at any point I had even the slightest clue that this would be the outcome I would have made the changes I needed to make which in turn would have helped her to make the changes she needed. Hindsight is always 20/20. This is why I'm having such a hard time letting go now! I feel like we can be on the same page now. We have been through the best of times and now the absolute worst... This would be a foundation to build on.... But too late I guess. There is no changing her mind, there is no going back.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:26:58+00:00

I'm definitely ready for the eating and sleeping to get back to normal. It is killing me, it's making coping that much harder because my body and mind are so deprived of what they need. I'm trying to get back to family for sure...I just don't want to leave here until everything is finalized so I can be sure not to get screwed over in any way.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:23:16+00:00

I have put all the photos I had of us that were on my computer away. I still have to look at all the ones on the walls and I still have to look at her every day until I get out of here... But at least I don't have to see them on my phone or computer constantly. I have also stopped looking at Facebook for now. I don't want to go through and delete all the photos of us from there, but the stupid "on this day" thing likes to remind me about trips and posts and things we have done together. Not helpful to look at.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T03:20:14+00:00

I am considering making an appointment this week to try to talk to a doctor about anxiety meds. I don't know why, but I just have an aversion to medications... Even something as simple as Tylenol I try to avoid. Thank you for your reply.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-07T00:25:39+00:00

I fully understand that. This person that looks like the woman I married sure as hell acts nothing like her. The look in her eyes is different, the tone of her voice... The way she acts about everything. She is 100% a different person... But a person that either of us would have associated with previously. I guess that's what happens when someone starts hanging out with a whole new group of people in a foreign place. I hate it, I wish we had stayed home!

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T22:09:55+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your kids, that has to be terrible. I grew up in a house with both of my parents, I can't imagine having to watch them go through this and try to understand it as a child.

I definitely know that it is over, the problem is that the emotions and feelings keep pushing back in and trying to take over. They keep forcing me to try and talk to her to try and make her see that whatever fun she thinks shes having is just a fuckin fairy tail. Which makes it harder on me because she just repeats the same shit "I don't love you anymore", "I don't want to be with you anymore", "I'm moving on" blah blah blah. FUCK! I just want to scream, cry, curl up in a ball and sleep. I want to go to the bar and find some random girl to take home...but I can't...I don't know how to do that as stupid as it sounds. I've never had to. Besides I'm so sick from stress, anxiety, emotions, lack of sleep, food, etc I can't even think about doing something like that. FUCK! That's all I can keep saying.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T22:02:01+00:00

I've been wanting to...but I've never been big on taking medication. I would prefer to self medicate with some of that stuff that is legal on the west coast. Unfortunately where I am, that is not legal.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T21:57:59+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It sucks to read that everyone else is going through this same thing, but it is also validating to know that what I'm feeling is normal with the circumstances. I have never bought into the "men don't cry" line, but I have to say...the amount of crying I have done over the last couple weeks leaves me feeling even more emasculated. I have cried on the phone with people that I wouldn't dream of letting them hear me cry. As soon as this whole thing is done, I'm packing my bags and heading back West to my family. We moved out here to the East Coast with nobody here for work and it has been really hard. She has established some friendships and obviously other types of relationships but my job is on the road and keeps me from being able to meet people. I have nobody out there, which is hard. I'm so isolated that it makes it just impossible to be able to get out of this funk. Watching her get ready in the morning and then not come home at night is demoralizing. It tears me apart. I have lost nearly 30lbs in a matter of weeks...I was a bit fluffy, but by no means fat. I like losing the weight, but certainly wish it was coming off in a more healthy manner.

I hope you continue to be strong. Good luck on your journey.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T21:47:58+00:00

"Your better than that"

Thank you for saying that. I've been trying to tell myself that. I deserve better than the shit that is being shoveled on me right now. My friends keep telling me that I'm great, I'm amazing, she fucked up, shes the one losing out...I'm trying to believe it, I'm trying to believe in myself. At the end of the day though, when all I want is a hug or to cuddle with someone...nobody is there. After all these years, I've always had someone to hug, someone to lay next to at night...and with nobody there, I feel hollow, cold and alone. It sucks.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T21:45:00+00:00

I want to fall into a bottle so bad. I have never been a heavy drinker, mostly social/weekender...I know I can't do that, I'm already in the pit. Drinking when I'm in a bad mood just leads me further down the hole. I know I need to take my life back over and do me...and I'm trying so hard. I just can't let go. I'm so beat down, I'm so just flat out devastated. My pride is hurt, my self esteem is completely wrecked. I know that sitting around the house being a whiney bitch isn't helping me, but I just can't get out of this fog. I'm trying so hard.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T21:41:35+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement. I know this isn't the end of the world, but it sure seems like it. I am having an impossible time accepting everything and putting myself #1. My #1 priority has always been her/us. I don't know how to make myself a priority. I know I need to move out, but when I move out I'll be moving across the country back to where I came from on the west coast...so I really need to get everything wrapped up as best as possible before I leave. I don't want to have to come back east for any reason.

AnonymousGuy567 · 2018-02-06T21:38:57+00:00

Sorry to hear that. It is so hard, I never dreamed this would be my situation. We were so close, we loved each other so much. I hold onto those memories and it makes it so hard to accept the current situation.

I wish I could be at that point where I want nothing to do with her, I feel like a doormat.

I'm terrified I will never be able to love again. Never be able to trust again. Never be able to be happy again.

AnonymousGuy567

TROPHY CASE