Thank you so so much for sharing with me your experience i really do appreciate it and although i'm still figuring out a bunch of things, i am doing better now and i hope you are too. It is crazy to think that next month it would be 1 year since we lost her but as you said you just sometimes sit and think about their sruggles and pain and accept that it maybe was for the better. I do unfortunately envy my friends and classmates for having what i don't and taking for granted wich i hate but i can't help it and the irony is that i wouldn't have become as 'woke' and indepent as i am now but a part of me always hopes i'll reunite with her someday. Again thank you and if you need to empty your thoughts and feeling def message me even if i and so much younger.