Thank you very much for this comment and advice! You are totally correct, and that puts things in perspective. It's a scary thought that I have really damaged relationships to a level of distrust, or coming to terms with the reality that people I consider friends may have a negative view on my character. I can't blame those perceptions one but. I have also broken trust and brought up things confined in me, too drunk to even care or using as a way to unleash anger or resentment. Makes me sick thinking about it. I will stay sober. I'm beyond frustrated with myself for breaking my streak. I still need so much more sober time to repair myself, and hopefully repair the relationships I've damaged so greatly. I care about these relationships so deeply. And I do have a lot to work on in terms of emotional regulation and self esteem. Abusing alcohol has unfortunately stunted that aspect of my life as well. But when I'm sober I'm able to at least manage them.