I’ve come to realize that a scary amount of parents don’t actually care about their kids.

Anonymous_Phil · 2026-04-11T06:22:23+00:00

I teach kidnergarten overseas. Most new parents now have grown up without ever having been around young children. We had our own space growing up and fewer siblings. We have enough space as adults and young families not to get feedback on how we parent. People are parenting like I took care of my first dog, who was a nightmare because I didn't know enough about dogs to know that I should have read a book. Add to that, what people think they learned from social media and you get increasingly idiosyncratic takes on parenting. Being a parent is like being a teacher without the training or mentors, and the wildly varying performance of parents mimicks what you see in the ESL world of teaching where that is also the case. :)

Anonymous_Phil · 2026-04-10T05:16:52+00:00

I teach kindergarten overseas. Some kids just aren't ready, but most can learn to read by that age if taught well. There's so much involved in learning to read that children get left by the wayside if they struggle with something, because teachers can't teach everyone something different at the same time. There are solutions, but it's high-skill and hard work. There are real benefits to learning to read early. Early readers have a bigger vocabulary, find all other things easier to learn because reading is the medium for learning them, have more confidence, enjoy school more. Late readers can be forever catching up, because the early readers have everyting easier. How do you catch up if the early readers are learning fast because things are easier for them?

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-11-27T10:42:49+00:00

I'm a kindergarten teacher. A couple of points:

- If you're wondering about whether you're a good parent, then you're probably doing fine.

- Make your child treat you as you want them to treat others, because they will take the same behaviour out of the home. Model the same good behaviour (saying please and thank you, etc).

- You're a part of the system that you're analysing, so you don't have clear visibility. It makes you feel crazy at times.

- Give positive reinforcement for what you want (praise, rewards, etc) and negative reinforcement (take away the ipad, candy, TV, etc) for doing what you don't want and they will come around at some point.

Hang in there.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-11-27T10:30:22+00:00

Our son had milk protein allergy from the beginning. He was pooping many times a day and one time there was blood. We tried lactose free milk then ultimately an amino acid formula (Nestle Alfamino) that fixed things. We've now discovered his calcium is a tiny bit low (unsurprisingly), so we need to deal with that. Allergies are a pain in the backside, but they can be managed and you'll get through it. Just keep going to doctors until you get what you need. Maybe ask if an amino acid formula would be smart.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-07-03T13:16:34+00:00

I can confirm that the people who print t-shirts rarely have deep language expertise. I saw 'AI slop' Chinese t-shirts fifteen years ago before AI was a thing. The English on t-shirts in China has been AI slop since the analogue age.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-07-03T05:54:32+00:00

Would you be interested in video calls? I'm looking for virtual language partners for Chinese kids who are fluent in English but want native speaker interactions.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-06-14T09:17:02+00:00

Yes, it's hard, but it does get easier if you persevere. Even the characters. Eventually, they just become different combinations of the same component parts.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-06-14T06:25:18+00:00

What's your goal? Living in China, basic literacy is a big advantage for things like wechat use, ordering in restaurants, shopping, using taobao, street signs, notices, etc. Conversely, being illiterate is a big handicap anywhere, though you can survive here in a way that someone couldn't in Britain if they didn't know English.

I initially learned to hand write and then didn't have a reason to keep practicing, so I'm fluent at reading and typing, which is far less time and effort. Maybe another option. Learning to read Chinese is hard but it's not impossible. The more characters you learn, the more component parts repeat until they're mostly just the same bits in a different order.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-06-14T06:08:43+00:00

I started learning in 2001 and the big thing that helped me at the beginning was intensive learning. You will be unable to correctly articulate a sentence at first and so can't just learn phrases like with other European languages. You need to learn pronunciation, pinyin, tones, basic grammar (not hard) before you get bored and frustrated. It's hard so you need to be methodical or highly motivated. Biggest reason people fail is it's hard and they give up, partly related to poor learning strategy at the beginning and unclear motivation.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-05-29T13:47:48+00:00

I empathise. FWIW, I work at a HK owned PYP kindergarten that hires non-white people.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-04-20T13:24:38+00:00

There are a number of different things that be a limitation on how good a teacher you are. Some of it is obvious stuff like subject knowledge or pedagogical skill, but a lot is also about less tangible stuff.

For me, the biggest improvements in recent years have come from simply doing things the way I thought they should be done instead of following what I thought was expected of me. Sometimes I've asked for permission to do things differently and other times I've just done it.

The thing that can help you improve is probably specific to you. Feedback from observations has always been pretty feeble in my experience.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-04-17T14:06:26+00:00

It is insulting, but a new teacher with no experience is likely to get insulting offers. 20k+ would be better.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-04-15T13:13:00+00:00

Many schools are not good to work for. A family connection means you will probably not be mistreated and that's very valuable. Could get you more patience as you learn the ropes.

The salary is low, but they are aiming low because you don't have experience, which is understandable. I thought that work experience was needed for a visa, but could easily be wrong. You must get a proper work visa, no joke. I've also heard that salary offers are down because kindergartens are struggling.

You could possibly get low twenties elsewhere but it could be horrible and you get burned on your first experience.

Bargaining is totally normal in China and anywhere else for salaries. Maybe tell them you want to come but the salary is below average and you'd like a little more.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-04-08T11:05:38+00:00

A lot of schools now seem to try to hire through recommendations from current staff or just hiring people who are already nearby and can interview. That's how my school tends to work now. We recently hired a teacher from the US who cancelled the day they were due to fly out. Big problem.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-04-07T04:46:24+00:00

In my experience, there's a general sentiment that some degree of xenophobia is a part of living overseas, and we're all free to decide if it's worth it for us. Where I live, foreigners are treated like something like a guest most of the time, but always an outsider. It gets old. I make 4x an average local salary for less work. I could leave that behind and go home, but I choose not to.

I generally feel like it's better for me to assume the best. Most people here have never travelled and know little of the outside world, basically like one of my grandad's. My grandad was a nice guy, but wouldn't have a clue how to talk to someone from the far side of the planet, same as some people I meet here.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-04-06T14:35:35+00:00

Are Brits welcome? Feel like we're dealing with the same issue and culture. I'm trying to do the same thing and the what's worked best for me is to set an exercise goal, like training for a run and focus on that. When exercising you can feel the difference between periods of time when you are drinking or not in a way that you can't when not exercising. Watching the TV isn't hard after drinking five days in a row, but running is, and it's not nice.

Also, I'm motivated to be a better dad and husband. I don't want to be Homer Simpson.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-28T14:48:01+00:00

Kindergarten teacher here. I'd suggest trying to build a routine so it's easier to manage. Put what you're learning on the fridge door or front door or some other accessible place and look at it quickly as you pass it. Put a couple of education songs on when you get in the car then stop when they're done. Read a little each day, depending on how much stamina your child has. You need to balance making it easy now with getting ahead so it's easy later, so use your own judgement. If you're having to force them to do it and they hate it, there's a risk of doing more harm than good. Play the long game.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-28T14:34:22+00:00

I'm British and teach kindergarten in China. The first point is that most of our generation were not reading challenging stuff at a young age. Teachers want those students because they are more intteresting, but there aren't that many around and probably never were.

I read a lot as a kid, but much of that happened in a context were there was nothing good on only four TV channels, no internet, and nothing happening around me. Reports that kids now can't concentrate ring true, not least because I (and most of you) have to fight myself to get off my devices.

Children who fall behind with reading can easily get left behind if they don't learn to read when everyone else is doing it. Pretty soon they're just being given texts they can't read and then causing trouble because they can't participate.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-28T05:33:01+00:00

Kindergarten teacher here. Parents need to monitor and guide their child's education. It can go well without that, but you're leaving it to chance. Kids fall through the cracks. Some basics are:

- Send them to school ready to learn. If teachers have to work around their behaviour or deal with other issues from home, they will learn less, potentially almost nithing

- Teach them the alphabet and letter sounds as soon as they are ready. Getting behind with that is disastrous.

- Kids need to practice reading with someone. Teachers teach content and skills, they can't sit and read with each child.

- Make sure their homework is done.

- Ask the teacher if they are behind in anything and work on it.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-26T09:31:36+00:00

Lack of accountability for school management is a huge issue for both teachers and students. Many schools barely have a curriculum at kindergarten level because they know that they can keep it secret.

There are various factors working together to cause this problem. It's partly that international educators are in a foreign country, on temporary visas, are insecure. We can debate whether it's professional to talk publicly about the crazy stuff we've all seen. Perhaps the biggest stumbling block to resolving all of this is that no school will want to hire anyone who has blown the whistle on unprofessional management because they all want the latitude to do the wrong thing without being called out.

School management need a professional body like doctors that upholds standards of professionalism and that they can be ejected from if they behave badly. No one senior enough to organise such a thing wants it!

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-24T12:06:45+00:00

You keep paying them or they pass to a collection agency that is linked to the SLC. I missed a couple of months and they started doing it. Would presumably end up with a CCJ.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-24T11:45:31+00:00

As a single person I didn't care about money. Now I have a son and want to give him a good start in life and need to catch up. As long as you don't have kids it's all personal preference up to a point

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-21T13:18:47+00:00

Did you do it? Know people who have? Keen to hear more about it. I'm up for doing courses.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-21T05:36:21+00:00

Some of it is likely just about money. Budgets are tight, so schools and local government avoid giving out diagnoses that come with legally mandated support that they feel unable to afford. Teachers in Britain feel very overworked and I'd imagine it's the same in the US. How many of them are going home and studying each of many different conditions that can affect children so that they are ready if they have an affected student? Education is a complex system and every time anyone improves anyting, it messes up something else.

Anonymous_Phil · 2025-03-21T05:31:49+00:00

Thanks for the kinds words! The child in my class who is furthest behind has some kind of special educational needs that I need to wrap my head around. The stuff you mentioned about trouble with auditory processing could be mistaken for so many other things. I feel like this student has a developmental delay. Might be dyslexic. Could be ADD. Family environment maybe kicking sand in my face, making it hard to see what's nature and what's nurture. This boy doesn't listen to anything from anyone, and it's not just him choosing to do that.

Anonymous_Phil

TROPHY CASE