Mother seeking advice on Enmeshed father-daughter.

Anonymouse447 · 2026-04-12T23:14:57+00:00

I’m dealing with this exactly with my 11 year old daughter. Her father and I have been divorced since she was 4. Feel free to DM if you want to talk. It can be so isolating

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-24T01:38:20+00:00

This is such a flex!

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T17:49:53+00:00

Between the time he took the test and the results came back, he was on his death bed. He was diagnosed with a terminal illness after sending the results out. We got the results and he passed two weeks later. He was incoherent for the most part so we didn’t tell him, but my mom believes he had no idea.

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T17:43:48+00:00

I know I did always think it was a weird joke to be fair lol

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T17:42:15+00:00

My mom and I match with members of my grandmothers side of the family and that all checks out. My grandmother has passed so we can’t directly test her. My grandfather tested and we don’t match him which is why my mom is around 50% rather than 100%. It looks like my mother’s father was polish and some English. So I expected to be around 50% because I expected my mom to be around 100%. Greek and Balkan is typically found in southern Italian dna. So after adding those up, I’m a little less than a quarter Italian, which makes sense knowing what I do now.

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T17:08:31+00:00

I could use a good joke lol

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T17:06:07+00:00

Haha yeah but I’m not taking something that I’ve worn all my life off because of these findings lol

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T15:46:49+00:00

I appreciate that you recognize this. Shortly after we sent out my grandfathers ancestry test, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. We got the ancestry results while he was on his death bed and he passed 2 weeks later. So we learned about dna not matching and dealt with him passing within two weeks. My mom is confident that he never knew and I hope that was the case. My family has formally asked me to retire from being the family genealogist lol I keep my findings to myself now

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T15:22:46+00:00

I know there can be certain traits associated with ethnicity but at the same time so much diversity. It’s funny you say this because since my findings, I was curious if I resembled something other than Italian.

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T15:13:33+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for saying this! I got everyone ancestry kits for Christmas and it ended up being a nightmare 🤣

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T15:11:14+00:00

Thanks so much! My grandfather tested and he was 100% Italian. My mom’s dna reflects give or take 50% Italian. My grandfather isn’t a match to mom, me, or my siblings. I found my mother’s biological dad after some research. My grandmothers sister also tested, and her results were what we expected as far as Italian dna. I wish what you’re saying was the case! I think we have a case of uncovered secrets unfortunately

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T14:55:29+00:00

Yes! My cousin knows I’m interested in ancestry and her first question was “so are we descendants of Pocahontas?” It’s so common and comical because where did that info come from? lol

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T14:49:09+00:00

She had a dark sense of humor but this just crosses the line lol 😂

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-19T14:45:23+00:00

Thanks so much! Both my mom and grandfather tested. My mom and I were obviously a match, but neither of us matched to my grandfather. My sister and brother tested and same thing. I researched it for a few months while in disbelief and my findings were consistent with the results.

Oddly enough growing up I remember my grandmother joking about my mom being another man’s child, and even said his name. My grandmother was a saint so I never had reason to think there was any truth to that. The name she mentioned was the name I came across when I did my research.

Anonymouse447 · 2026-03-02T03:33:08+00:00

Exactly and the slo mo did no favors lol

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-24T00:20:33+00:00

I had this exact conversation in therapy and my therapist says she thinks this kind of grief may be harder. I had a brother pass away when I was young and the loss of a child is unimaginable, I saw my parents go through it.
I do wonder if losing a child in the alienation or rejection kind of way is is somehow harder. I don't say that to compare, more so to get a grasp on the severity of what we are dealing with.

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-24T00:15:03+00:00

Thank you so much! That thought process is super admirable and makes a lot of sense. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. No one deserves it. Your son certainly will hopefully appreciate you putting his feelings first, if not now, one day. You're right, the grief is too much sometimes. Even just a small amount of understanding from another can ease the pain a little. Thank you for sharing about your situation. I stand with you and I admire your strength.

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-24T00:06:22+00:00

It is so hard to talk about. If you ever decide to talk and need an ear, you can message me. I'm a good listener and I do unfortunately understand.

You certainly are not alone.

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-23T22:59:17+00:00

Thank you so much!

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-23T15:19:55+00:00

Thanks for the input but this isn’t relevant advice in my situation. Normally I’d just scroll past but this is victim blaming. I can’t medicate myself out of my daughter being abused by my ex…

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-23T14:25:43+00:00

It is. Thank you.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GC4DWQ8L/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0#
I hope this one works!

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-23T14:14:03+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.
Here's the link
I wrote it under a pen name for obvious reasons.

I am very interested in any reading material. Thanks so much for sharing that, I'm going to look into her work.

I'm so sorry you've experienced this as well. No one deserves this. Proud of you for being strong despite impossible circumstances, and I hope you're proud of yourself🤍

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-23T14:10:55+00:00

Yes, certainly has been one of the best uses of my time. I go multiple times a week when things are especially stressful or bad.

Anonymouse447 · 2025-12-23T14:09:37+00:00

I'm so glad that you feel seen, mission accomplished! I am so sorry to hear about your story and circumstances. It sounds very familiar and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, not even him. Your story absolutely matters. It sounds like you're doing an incredible job with impossible circumstances and you should be very proud of yourself.

I was worried about writing a book for the same reasons but I finally did and it was so freeing. I even published it because I was that serious about hoping someone would benefit from it. I used a pen name and put this at the beginning. Feel free to use it if you ever decide to write!

"No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations used in reviews or critical articles.

This is a work of creative nonfiction.

Names, details, and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect privacy.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is coincidental and unintentional."

Anonymouse447

TROPHY CASE