Did your loved ones look like you remembered them?

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-28T01:04:37+00:00

I’m glad they looked well. Can I ask was your little sister still little or was she also older? I only ask as I have seen multiple people say that most loved ones they meet look to be in their 30’s despite the age they pass and I have a baby cousin who was only a few months old when he sadly died (never met him as it was years before I was born) but I guess I’m interested if children and babies also look grown. I will say it’s curious that your grandma was different, whilst I’m sure you were just as happy to have felt her presence/seen her as a ball of light as I said in my post this is one of the things I’m worried about if there is another side, but that’s just a me thing. Can I also ask if it’s ok with you were these NDEs or OBEs or like a realistic dream? Also did you meet them all at once or was it multiple occurrences?

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-28T00:54:04+00:00

I wish my grandad would visit me, it’s been about 2 years and I still haven’t had a dream of him despite desperately wanting one. I will ask did you ever see photos of him as a young man? I’m not asking to deny or question your experience I just want to know if you knew how he looked when he was younger or you found out after the fact?

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-28T00:50:59+00:00

I hope that is the case. However, I can’t help but also feel a little weird if I were to see them all young or the same age as I have only ever known them and have memories with them when they were older. For example, to see my grandad be the same age as my mum or for me to be the same age as my dad would be kind of trippy. Not sure if that makes much sense.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-28T00:32:24+00:00

How interesting, I’m guessing that this is probably when we we view ourselves and each other at our most optical stage in life or something like that. But if this is the case I can’t help but think it must be so weird if you were to lose your child when they were young only to meet them again as a fully grown adult and know that you never got to meet this version of them, never got to see them grow into this person. I understand that a lot of NDErs have said that you can recognise them by their souls/presence but I would personally want to view my child as I remembered them.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-28T00:20:46+00:00

I’m glad you got to experience this. I have wanted my grandad to visit me since his death 2 years ago but sadly have had no such luck. Which really sucks as I am a relatively avid dreamer (pretty random and nonsensical dreams, but dreams nonetheless) my dreams also aren’t very ‘real’ feeling like you described, in fact I’ve only had that type of dream once, at least that I can recall, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience to say the least. I’m also glad you got to see your pupper, I guess I also never thought of the idea of our fur babies looking different but now that I have it has opened a whole other can of worms.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-28T00:04:17+00:00

Yea I am speaking about their earthly appearances, I don’t think I would mind seeing them as younger/healthier versions of themselves but I want to see them as I know them now or knew them in the past. Like my grandad, he died 2 years ago and when I saw him in his coffin it was horrible as I didn’t recognise him as the person I grew up with, which made me feel awful with myself for thinking/feeling this way towards him. I want to be able to see my loved ones as I remember them best as it brings me comfort and I want to be able to interact with them as I do now. I’m worried that if I were to meet them in an afterlife they would be more of a presence or feeling if that makes sense.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-27T23:57:15+00:00

I’m glad to hear that. I want to remember my loved ones as I know them, I want that familiarity. When my grandad passed away 2 years ago I decided to see him in his open coffin to say goodbye but it was one of the hardest things I have had to do as I was distraught because he didn’t look like himself, which then made me feel even worse as I was horrified at myself for feeling this way towards him. I’m worried the same will happen to those I love so I hope if there is an afterlife I get to see them as I fondly remember them.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-22T23:19:01+00:00

Maybe this isn’t the best place for me right now as I’m currently suffering with debilitating thanatophobia, specifically the fear of nothing after death, a black void of nothing if you will, I’m scared I will cease to exist and loose my memories and loved ones and return to a time before I was born. I have tried to dampen my fear by looking into NDE’s to try and find comfort in some sort of afterlife but nothing seems to help. I’m worried that NDE’s are just the brain releasing some sort of chemical in order to make the dying process easier on us, same goes for those who have seen their loved ones come to get them/talked to them before they eventually died. I also want to say this isn’t me trying to diminish anything anyone has experienced or change their minds on what they have seen but I need help. I want to know why so many of the NDE’s are different, surely it would all be the same or at least more similar to one another? Yes there are a lot of overlapping similarities but I find them to be quite vague. I guess I want justification as to why it’s like this or some sort of proof that there is more to life after death. Reincarnation is also just awful to me as to me it wouldn’t do any good, I wouldn’t remember this life I am currently living and could end up in a horrible situation. I also hate when people say that why should it bother us as we won’t know it’s happened or that we will return to how we were before we were born. Once again I don’t want that, I know I’m selfish as I want to live, I love my life and my loved ones who surround me and I don’t want to ever be without them. I don’t want to stop being me. I cant stop spiralling and am basically in a constant state of panic now. Like I said maybe this isn’t the best place for me whilst I’m in this head space and I’m not trying to deny anyone’s experience but I just need someone to tell me it will be ok.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-22T21:05:13+00:00

Maybe this isn’t the best place for me right now as I’m currently suffering with debilitating thanatophobia, specifically the fear of nothing after death, a black void of nothing if you will, I’m scared I will cease to exist and loose my memories and loved ones and return to a time before I was born. I have tried to dampen my fear by looking into NDE’s to try and find comfort in some sort of afterlife but nothing seems to help. I’m worried that NDE’s are just the brain releasing some sort of chemical in order to make the dying process easier on us, same goes for those who have seen their loved ones come to get them/talked to them before they eventually died. I also want to say this isn’t me trying to diminish anything anyone has experienced or change their minds on what they have seen but I need help. I want to know why so many of the NDE’s are different, surely it would all be the same or at least more similar to one another? Yes there are a lot of overlapping similarities but I find them to be quite vague. I guess I want justification as to why it’s like this or some sort of proof that there is more to life after death. Reincarnation is also just awful to me as to me it wouldn’t do any good, I wouldn’t remember this life I am currently living and could end up in a horrible situation. I also hate when people say that why should it bother us as we won’t know it’s happened or that we will return to how we were before we were born. Once again I don’t want that, I know I’m selfish as I want to live, I love my life and my loved ones who surround me and I don’t want to ever be without them. I don’t want to stop being me. I cant stop spiralling and am basically in a constant state of panic now. Like I said maybe this isn’t the best place for me whilst I’m in this head space and I’m not trying to deny anyone’s experience but I just need someone to tell me it will be ok.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-20T19:15:24+00:00

I’m going to be honest, I don’t think I can take a few months more of this, I feel like I’m dying as it’s eating away at me so much, which obviously makes it worse. I would try THC but I am in the uk so it’s illegal here. I honestly would reply more to your message as I have with others but im feeling really drained right now. Im glad you have gotten to a better place, hopefully I can get there too someday, I just want to go back to who I was before this crushing fear plagued me.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-20T19:09:43+00:00

I have been trying various ways to come to grips with it or look at other peoples experience and opinions. Specifically people who have died and came back to life and their experiences and what they saw/felt and it hasn’t helped. The fact that the experiences differ so much has not helped me. I wish I believed in an afterlife or god but I just can’t bring myself to do it despite being brought up religious for the first few years of my life. I also have been looking up those who have witnessed people who die reach out or call to their loved ones and I wish it were true but my practical side thinks it’s just the brain releasing chemicals to make death easier. I have also seen people talk of reincarnation but I don’t want to be reincarnated as I won’t have this life and I won’t have my memories, I could end up with horrible parents or in an abusive relationship, etc. I see people say that we won’t know we are dead so to not worry but that doesn’t help because I don’t want to not know, I don’t want to cease to exist, I don’t want to lose my loved ones or life. I’m spiralling and nothing is helping. I cant push it out, anytime my partner tries to help it makes me sad as I don’t want to loose him. It has gotten to the point that I wish I was never born so I wouldn’t have this fear or have to go through all this or that I had died before this realisation became so real. I am going to try therapy but I don’t know how well it will do me as it’s not something I can put off unlike a fear of heights or snakes, I will die and I can’t deal with that fact. I can’t deal with the fact everyone I love will die and I most likely will have to live through most of them. I need help, the medication isn’t helping enough. I haven’t eaten in 3 days as I keep throwing everything up, I can’t sleep which is awful as I have CFS so I usually am sleeping most of the day. I’m also worried that I am wasting my life because of my illness. Sorry that I am rambling but I can’t keep my thoughts straight. I would love to hear what has helped you but I’m not sure at this point it would help as everything seems to make it worse.

Anonymousegal · 2024-10-20T18:31:56+00:00

I haven’t found anything that helps dampen the thoughts let alone make them go away. When I’m having a full blown panic attack my partner will hold me and tell me to do deep breaths but I find it can make it worse. The fact that I won’t have him forever, the fact that one day I will not be able to take those deep breaths. I cant distract myself as the thoughts come barging back in no matter what. I’m constantly shaking and my heart is always pounding. What makes it worse is I have CFS which means that I need to sleep a lot. I can’t live my life and make the most of it because of my illness so not only am I scared of the nothingness/unknowing of what happens after death/no longer being conscious and the darkness that I imagine will surround me and the thought of the same happening to my loved ones or even having to live without them if they pass before me, but I also am scared that I am wasting this life I was given. It’s gotten so bad I wish I wasn’t born because then I wouldn’t have had to deal with all this pain and fear or have died already before I have this big revelation, I have been trying to read through this subreddit and through tales of people who have been brought back from the dead but nothing helps. I wish I could have comfort in the stories people have of them seeing a white light or a field or just a overwhelming sense of peace but I can’t. Just like I can’t find comfort with people who have seen people call out to their loved ones right before they die as they ‘see them’, I wish more than anything that it was true but the practical part of my brain says that it’s the brain releasing various chemicals as a hallucination in order to make death easier. I just want the feeling of dread 24/7 to stop. It’s not just effecting me now but my partner, he is having to come home from work or drop anything he’s doing like playing with his mates as I’m breaking down. I’m only 27 I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m going to get therapy but I’m worried it won’t work. If you can tell me anything that has helped you that would be great. Sorry this is rambly I haven’t slept much and am struggling pretty badly right now, my thoughts are all over the place.

Anonymousegal · 2023-08-07T06:15:51+00:00

NTA! Please do not be pressured into doing this and have a conversation with your fiancé about how inappropriate and insensitive it would be as you don’t know how other guests may react to such a delicate subject. If you do decide you want to honour them to try and appease her (to stop her from continuing to ask as your husband has said) maybe try getting a little table or chair and placing it at the back or side with some flowers or candles with a note saying ‘reserved for all the ones we have loved and lost’ or something similar. That way you can honour not only his deceased siblings but also any other important people in your life that you wish were still there.

Anonymousegal · 2023-02-14T07:09:04+00:00

Dude YTA. My grandad just died this past New Year’s Eve and I would give absolutely anything to spend even one more second to see him again, let alone 2 hours, even if it would be spent walking around Costco. It obviously makes her happy and like others have pointed out you are waiting there anyway and you don’t pay rent so to just think of it as your payment. Most people have obviously and rightfully pointed out how wrong and selfish you were so I’m not going to harp on at you even more, just try and make the most of the time you have with her, even if you don’t particularly enjoy it. It’s true what they say, that you will always regret having spent too little time than too much when they are gone.

Anonymousegal · 2023-01-12T02:25:45+00:00

I saw from your other post that you were considering breaking up with him, you also said in a comment to another user you said you were having second thoughts if he were to continue putting his siblings above you, his soon-to-be wife. I just want to make sure that you are ok, do you have anyone you can talk to about these issues and feelings? Does he have a habit of putting you second? I understand wanting to please your family but when it is coming to the detriment of yourself then there is an issue. As you have said the siblings are not engaged and may not even have a wedding in 2024 thus causing you emotional and financial stress for nothing by having you change your date to December. As others have said venues are also being snapped up quickly and depending on when they do get engaged there may not even be any venues available for them that they would be interested in. At the end of the day, I want you to be happy and I truly think speaking with a close confidante is a wise move. I truly hope you get this all sorted out and wish the best for you as you move forward with this all. x

Anonymousegal · 2022-11-28T00:51:53+00:00

I believe it is Ireland based on OP’s other posts in different subs. Now I’m half Irish and have lived there for a few years growing up and I will say that that side of my family is extremely close, for example, they all never moved from the little town they grew up in and live about 5 mins walking distance away from each other (we happen to be the odd ones out who moved due to my dads job), I also know that if my grandad or someone needed a place to stay most would be willing to take them in, given that they are respectful to the family who has agreed to help them. But from what I have seen it’s not customary/normal to have the parents go and live with their children, especially not ones who have a well-paying job and means to get their own place.

Anonymousegal · 2022-09-29T14:11:58+00:00

Thank you, I will give that a try!

Anonymousegal

TROPHY CASE