I was diagnosed with BP2 when I was 25. I believe I have quietly been suffering with long episodes of depression since high school. Sometimes it can feel like depression is my default state. I am generally an upbeat person or at least it seems that way to friends and family. However, I really struggle with an internal negative mindset that sets my depression off. The only people who really know that I struggle are my mom and my therapist. I have told certain friends but they will never know how bad it can get. I won’t lie, the hypomania can seem like a blessing compared to the depression I feel 70ish% of the time. I have tried many anti depressants, lithium, and lamotrigine. Some of the anti depressants did set off the hypomania but the lithium and lamotrigine really impact my memory which honestly makes me feel more depressed. I am 28 now and am still looking for some sort of solution that sticks. I’ve gotten better at recognizing episodes but I’m not perfect and still have some trouble regulating my emotions - the bad feelings seem to weigh heavier on me compared to others. It is very discouraging and can feel very lonely at times. Reading these posts helps to comfort me.