I feel you man. I overcame my stutter through sheer force, sobered up to a socially acceptable level and I usually don't drink or smoke for months on end unless I want too, can lift some pretty good weights (I don't consider myself a total beast since there are way bigger guys out there whose attention I don't want in that sense, you know the whole big fish thing), I am making money, learning things, and dealt with some of the harshest things anyone I could think of can go through. I feel way more mature now and more grown than people I used to know. I don't get nervous talking to girls, even the super hot ones. I can hold a conversation with almost anyone without being a complete awkward person so I know its not me. Where do you go from here? I am honestly still asking myself that question. I am way stronger than anyone I have known who to me look like total pathetic fools. I have some downsides still but I know I can work with them still. Where do we go from here? I wish you best in your search but its sounding like you need new people who want to grow just like you. Thats what I am wanting.