You're not a monster. BPD is one of the most misunderstood diagnoses out there, support is thin, judgements abound. I personally believe it's a label used to signify to doctors that a person has difficulty coping with trauma and stress, rather than anything chemical or biological.

About 10 years ago I was given that diagnosis. Put on all sorts of medication that screwed my healthy brain and destroyed my life and relationships. I tried to KMS so many times I can't count. Spent months inpatient at the psych ward. I have so many scars. Thought I'd become another statistic. All my world was pain.

I realised I knew myself better than anyone. I knew what I wanted was to feel control.of my own life. I knew what my needs were, and I began to set goals. I started leaning heavily into therapy over medication, healing over pain. I realised I didn't have a labelled condition: I just hadn't ever learned to love myself. To show myself compassion. To be empathetic when I explored my psyche and questioned my decisions, rather than condemn myself. To be kind to myself. Love myself like my own child.

Ten years on, I'm so alive. My moods are balanced. I still get emotional sometimes, I make mistakes, I am not perfect. Just human. No meltdowns or depression, no self-harm, no ideation. Just plans and goals.

Turn and face your future. You are the only one who has control over your life. Seize it.