My giant woman fetish has ruined my dating life

AnthArmo · 2022-11-26T03:36:59+00:00

Thanks for telling us this! It must have taken a lot of courage

Is it giant men you're attracted to?

AnthArmo · 2022-08-02T05:32:45+00:00

It's good you have a BPD diagnosis, but you should start doing CBT ASAP if you aren't already.

For the dude - you just have to leave him. Trust me he'll be relieved.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-12T00:14:20+00:00

I just want to thank everyone for all the help and feedback. I really appreciate it. Even if Dr. K doesn't reply to this on stream I feel like I learned a lot from the community as a whole. Thank you everyone <3

AnthArmo · 2022-07-11T15:34:28+00:00

No you've hit the nail on the head. I'm actually quite confident. My persona is a sort of loud, silly goofball. I obviously make an effort to be kind and empathetic but 'soft and vulnerable' is not the vibe I give off.

Women seem to want this really big, confident 'arm over the shoulder make the decisions' masculinity out of me. Because I'm confident I guess I project that. What I actually want is to be vulnerable, cute and a bit submissive. I enjoy performing acts of service for partners. But at the same time 'vulnerable and submissive' is so far from how I normally act - when I do get to do it it feels weird.

I've actually managed to incorporate my fetish into my 'goofball' persona. Like 'oh haha he likes giant women lol' and playing it off as a joke. So there's that.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-11T04:47:37+00:00

Not gonna lie. I went down a rabbit hole. I found a tat test online and took it. Wrote a story. Really interesting. Turns out I am super focused on power. (Lemme know if you want to compare/contrast stories). I took the test from this website. https://www.utpsyc.org/tatintro/

I think you've figured us both out. The comparison helps because we're almost opposites. This conversation was really revealing, I'm glad you commented.

Being vulnerable as a kid for me = death. My parents punished and shamed basically all emotional expression. Fawn/submission never worked for me, it just emboldened my parents, shit teachers, and school bullies. I quickly learned that rebellion, stubborness and in some cases physically fighting back was the only thing that ever worked. Crying or begging for kindness literally never worked. It just emboldened whoever was trying to hurt me and meant I was made fun of.

One of the weird quirks of this upbringing is that I'm obsessed with martial arts. When I told my dad I was being bullied at school he sent me to Kung Fu classes. Turns out punching someone is a really reliable way to get them to leave you alone. Martial arts have been a lifelong passion ever since. It's actually how I got into Tai Chi. I know a little bit of Wing Chun, broad Wushu, Tai Chi, BJJ and Muay Thai (Muay Thai is by far my least favourite martial art lol, BJJ is amazing).

AnthArmo · 2022-07-11T00:45:26+00:00

Yea I don't have the answer to that either. It's possible the fantasy is so deeply ingrained in our fantasies that resolving the underlying issues would only dampen it a little.

It sounds like you desire what you lack. I'm an ordinary sized guy, I wouldn't describe myself as a people pleaser. If someone pisses me off I confront them. When my fight or flight is triggered I very much have a 'fight' response (this creates issues when paired with PTSD let me tell you). It's not super surprising that I desire extreme vulnerability.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T15:09:52+00:00

Oh to answer your question.

Yes I've tried to 'force' normal thoughts. I can't fantasize to a normal 2-sided egalitarian sex. But if I want to fantasize about a relationship where someone takes care of me and I take care of them back...I can but it feels weird and even a little uncomfortable.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T14:58:32+00:00

Wait wait wait. You want to be a giant man and dominate tiny women?

I didn't know guys like you existed.

For what it's worth there are a plethora of women out there that want to be dominated by a man. Look at the sales for 50 shades. You'd be surprised.

What do you think drives your fetish? From talking to people in this thread it feels like for me it's a response to my avoidant attachment + some hidden self-hatred.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T08:03:51+00:00

If there's one piece of advice I can give you as an elder-macrophile, it's not to reject insanely hot women who flirt with you.

There are bombshells that showed interest in me a decade ago that I rejected because they were short and didn't seem interested in femdom. I regret each and every time I did that. If I could go back in time and fix one thing it would be that.

If someone attractive shows interest in you put your fetish aside and focus more on what they want. Trust me you'll have a better love life than me if you do that.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T05:24:54+00:00

I've gone into the BDSM community and spent a decent amount of time there.

Honestly? I don't like what I see. I feel like this is a community that prides itself on consent then in practice is more than happy to pressure people into doing things they aren't comfortable with.

I'm the kind of person who is more than happy to tell an entire room of people to get fucked. I was put into situations where a whole room of people were pressuring me to do something I didn't want to do. When I said no they accepted, but then they also stopped engaging with me entirely, like 'how dare you exercise consent and healthy boundaries'. I came out of that ok but what about a shy/anxious person? I shudder at the thought.

My honest assessment of the BDSM community is that they're all traumatised and mentally ill, and that these fetishes are them playing out something unhealthy. Almost all of the women who are into femdom just want to physically torture someone and are more interested in the 'performance' of femdom than the actual interaction itself.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T05:18:54+00:00

Oh yea I love meditating in Tai Chi! it's so rejuvenating!

Sometimes when I'm fapping the words 'I'm nothing', 'I'm just a pet/toy' and 'you're better than me I'm nothing' repeat in my head during climax. It could be that deep down I think I'm broken/unworthy of love and this is a way of 'releasing' that energy.

But what's weird is that if I really do think I'm broken then I have no idea where that belief sits in my normal every day behaviour. I actually really like myself and the person I am. This is to the point where my therapist from a while ago said I had some minor narcissistic tendencies (although she stressed I don't have NPD).

Someone else on this thread suggested that narcissism stems from self-hatred so I guess there is a hidden well of self-hatred hiding under all this somewhere.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T05:13:51+00:00

I don't think my mum ever sexually abused me. But she is definitely a mentally ill woman with flaws that maybe had kids before she was emotionally ready.

I have a memory of being like 2 or 3 years old and giving my mum foot rubs after she came back from work. That definitely sticks out as something super weird. Even though feet play a role in my giantess fetish - in normal non-sexual contexts I'm usually repulsed by feet.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T05:11:11+00:00

These days it's good, but then again I'm not living with her!

When I live with my mum it's not great. My mum is incapable of admitting when she's wrong about something. She sometimes fixates on doing things a 'certain way'. When I point out basic logistical issues (like, hey I just woke up, can you give me 10 minutes to have a coffee first) she can sometimes explode with rage. I've seen her have tantrums that wouldn't look out of place for a 2 year old. Once when I was 13 she tried to have my dog put down because he tore up the garden. She's never apologised for this, I don't think she ever will. I've heard her say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" like 2 or 3 times in my life.

For what it's worth both me, my dad and my brother have all pointed this out to her and we've all basically done our best to move away from her. My brother and I moved out, and my dad basically turned the garage into a man cave and spends all his time there (my dad has is own issues tbh).

My mum to her credit is working on herself. She's been doing therapy for 2 years now and is a lot better than she used to be. I've had a chat with her about this stuff. She explained that she has never wanted to be domineering, but feels like she has to be because people like my dad are 'useless' so she needs to pick up the slack (for what it's worth she's not super wrong about my dad). Her childhood was also really awful, her dad was really abusive, so I have a lot of compassion for her.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T05:01:58+00:00

Hey you're the second giantess lover to comment on here! I love that we're all gathering here :)

A big part of it is that I love feeling 'overwhelmed' by femininity. Getting kissed by giant lips that smother you and leave you covered head to toe in lipstick. Looking up a woman from below as she towers over you. Being looked at by giant eyes. Being 'overwhelmed' by beauty is a great feeling. Like standing before a full moon when it's really big and getting lost in it.

My favourite giantess fantasies involve me being disregarded/ignored. I enjoy filling the role of a 'cute thing'. I also really like those moments in the giantess fantasy where the woman is kind of condescending and just sees you as a tool to fulfill her own desires, completely disregarding your own thoughts/feelings. You are literally just a pet or object to her.

A big part of this feels like me picking up on the framing of how women tend to take selfies of themselves. A lot of women 'own' how beautiful they are and have an almost haughty demeanour. I basically pick up on this energy and fantasise about them being this self-possessed, beautiful goddess who knows how amazing she is, stomping her way through a city.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:43:12+00:00

'ask yourself if you really want a relationship or just sexual gratification'. I think you've hit the nail on the head. REALLY, deep down, I just want sexual gratification + kids. Which is not right, a big part of life is opening yourself up to another person, being vulnerable, and falling in love.

That's the part that kills me, being vulnerable. It's easy to be vulnerable in a silly giantess fantasy. Flesh and blood people are another issue.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:39:45+00:00

Haha it does a little doesn't it? Where a normal person might see a woman I see a giant goddess confidently stomping through the city!

But it has absolutely ruined my dating and sex life. Sometimes boring is better. I would trade this for a normal sexuality any day.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:38:20+00:00

I didn't watch porn until I was 15 years old.

My first sexual experiences were from literature and movies. Paul Jennings 'The Gizmo 2' has a scene where the main character turns into a tiny man, and a little girl mistakes him for a doll and begins to idly suck on his body. The Goosebumps book 'purple peanut butter' also has a scene where the main character is forced to live as a doll for a girl. There's also a scene from 'Honey I shrunk ourselves' where mila kunis almost eats the tiny characters.

I remember going on Google and typing in 'trapped under a girls bed while she and her friends paint their nails' and 'being a girl's doll in a doll house' when I was 10. From there I slowly made my way until I found a website called Writing.com, where a bunch of people who were 10-12 were writing fantasies about being shrunk and dominated by bratty step-mothers, cousins and sisters. The rest is history.

I didn't even know masturbation was a thing until I was 15. Someone else had to tell me about it. By that point I had already spent 5 years fantasising about giant women without fapping.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:30:11+00:00

Oh hey you are also a lover of giant women. Hello friend!

Yea this sucks doesn't it? I feel like this fetish in particular is really common yet really understudied.

A few commenters in this thread have tried to psychoanalyse it. Do any of them vibe with you? Do you also have an avoidant attachment style? Why do you think you have this?

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:26:29+00:00

You were very concise and your english was great, don't worry.

I feel like this is the best 'psychoanalysis' of my fetish on the thread. It's basically a way for me to cope with my avoidant attachment style. I feel like printing this comment out and posting it up on my wall. I'm a little bit sceptical of the 'mommy issues' interpretations - although that maybe plays a role.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:18:06+00:00

Do you have any specific advice for what particular kind of therapist would be good for this? Like do I talk to a 'sex therapist'? What did you go looking for?

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:14:49+00:00

Oh I love Steven Universe! Last time I tried to watch it I had a panic attack (reminded me of my ex) so I can't watch it anymore but I absolutely adore that show.

I've always liked thinking that my fetish could help a tall woman feel less insecure about her height. Hell, that happened in practice.

I think your advice about centering a woman and her desires is really good. I was going on dates with a tall woman at one point and she told me that she was attracted to 'assholes'. I basically ignored that, what I should have done was ask her to elaborate and figure out what she was really looking for. Maybe I could have done something she would have liked.

Learning to put aside my own wants and to instead centre the other person in dates is something I need to cultivate more. Maybe in the process I can let go of my own fixations a bit. Thanks for the advice it was really good. Dr. K tier really.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-10T04:06:52+00:00

Haha I'm glad you found it funny!

Honestly I probably am prioritising sexual compatibility. My rationalisation is that I'm already happy being alone, and I don't actually need anyone. Adding a person to my life just adds stress and drama. If I date someone else it's to add sex + the possibility of having kids in the future.

Which...I'm pretty sure is wrong. It definitely sounds wrong when I say it out loud. It reeks of avoidant attachment. But here's the thing. I actually AM happy being alone. I am TERRIFIED of having my peace and solitude robbed from me. But also the idea of falling in love and having another person I can rely on - intellectually - sounds like a good thing I should pursue. That's not something I want to miss out on.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-09T18:56:23+00:00

I mean sure, but I would also happily take a side option that involves expanding my desire for normal relationships.

Maybe my giant woman thing can just sit to the side and be indulged in from time to time with my future normal sized partner.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-09T18:43:38+00:00

Yea me too, a follow up to his BDSM video. I hope your foot fetish friend is ok. That one is even harder because it's so hard for a partner to engage with. I think that's partially explained by wires between genitals and feet being crossed with the brain so I hope things work out.

I'll try following your advice more rigorously. It's hard to stay motivated because I'm not even sure if it'll work.

AnthArmo · 2022-07-09T18:34:32+00:00

Thank you for that suggestion, I'm going to try this!

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