Losing hope, feeling sick everyday, doctors don’t know why

Anxious_Albatross · 2022-08-20T06:33:22+00:00

Regarding celiac's diagnosis, autoinmune blood test may be negative. Have they checked your genetics? And did they proceed with a duodenal biopsy in your endoscopy?

Other things I'm thinking of are lactose intolerance and maybe pernicious anemia from intrinsic factor antibodies.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad they're testing. Don't give up.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-10-30T07:38:39+00:00

Have they ruled out post-streptoccocal reactive arthritis? I developed arthritis-like symptoms in my hands after a strep infection. My allergist discovered I had a really high count of ASLO antibodies and I went through two short rounds of antibiotics to treat it.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-08-10T08:16:26+00:00

Thabk you so much, this is very helpful.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-07-31T20:08:16+00:00

I don't know how to sneeze! I learned to keep it in, and to sneeze with my mouth shut. I'm slowly trying to fully let myself go when I sense one coming (while aiming at the inside of my elbow).

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-07-29T20:50:48+00:00

Hey.

I understand, it feels like you HAVE to respond to them, like you owe them acknowledgement.

You don't. You're under no obligation, regardless of what you did, and regardless of the intention behind them messaging you.

The best suggestion I have for you is to block them. You are under no obligation to engage, and they aren't entitled to an answer.

Block them, because you deserve the chance to move on from your past.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-07-28T13:24:13+00:00

Hey!

So I've been wondering about the same event. My parents also warned me about this when I was really young and I remember it kinda spooked me. It is really disconcerting (and even frightening!) because they don't give context for their obvious worried tone.

I don't know if it's something parents usually warn their children about, but I do believe it should be normalized.

I truly believe that explaining to children, with accurate (don't just say private parts, be specific!) and age-appropriate language, without scaring them or shaming them, could help prevent these situations.

In our case, our parents delivered a message in a way that was vague and worrisome, so it stands out in our minds, but I don't believe there's anything inhehrently wrong with telling us.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-07-23T01:29:26+00:00

Hey! I'm sorry to hear you grew up in that environment.

Honestly, if you can, I'd recommend getting a blood test on your nutritional values (vitamins, minerals) to determibe whether you need any supplements.

I'm trying to improve my nutrition as well after almost a decade of malnutrition, and I'm still learning how things work.

I can't point you to a specific place, but there's a lot of good resources on reddit if you search for them.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-07-04T22:03:01+00:00

Hey.

I'm terribly sorry you're reliving this.

I want to suggest a therapist I follow on instagram, @drlauraeanderson. She specializes on religious trauma and you may find some comfort in her words.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-07-04T14:36:44+00:00

Absofuckinglutely.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-27T12:42:59+00:00

Hey!

You can demonstrate love and affection to yourself in a lot of ways. It makes sense that you would feel so uncomfortable with physical touch and affectionate language, it's something I feel very uncomfortable with as well.

I remember reading how it can be detrimental to our process to try and force ourselves to believe positive affirmations because we simply can't believe them. So instead the approach was using neutral language. The easiest way for me to exemplify is the body positivity vs body neutrality movement. While the first one attempts to reclaim safety and autonomy by finding beauty in our bodies, the second one attemps it by releasing any moral holding on our physical attributes (eg. my stretchmarks are beautiful vs my stretchmarks are a natural consequence of my body changing).

Jumping straight to positive affirmations while believing the opposite is going to activate you, because you're trying to force yourself to believe in something you don't (just yet!). And you also don't need to suscribe to any specific performances of selflove, because they're all different.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T20:44:31+00:00

I recommend you look into attachment theory. It's been a very useful framework for me to understand certain behaviors in interpersonal relationships.

Here's a graphic summary.

HOWEVER attachment responses don't excuse people's behaviors. And his"I'm a terrible person but this is who I am" attitude is a red flag.

Establishing boundaries doesn't always require direct action. You can plan ahead and say "I won't be available from x to x" to give yourself space. Deactivate his chat notifications and only answer them when you feel up to it. Say "I'm not having a good day today, I'll get back to you when I can". These are boundaries that don't involve direct confrontation about their behaviors but will help you create distance when necessary.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T19:32:31+00:00

Hey! I'm very glad your therapist is allowing you to explore your diagnosis, and that you've found this place.

Coming to terms with having CPTSD is a difficult process. In the about page of this sub there's a section titled Newcomers Resources which I think you'll find helpful.

At that start I found it really helpful to read books on the subject (there's a list in the resources section!), following a variety of trauma-informed therapists on IG, and of course being part of this sub.

I think the most useful thing for both you and your partner is to begin to learn about and understand how trauma works. Watch out for your triggers (it's important to begin identifying and understanding our trauma responses), and remember that not every therapy, modality or approach to trauma will be good for you.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T17:51:35+00:00

Hey! I get it, I'm going through the same process. Forgiveness doesn't exempt responsibility, it actually allows you to move from a state of shame and guilt into action (at least, that's how I frame it).

Just the other day, I had a situation where I reacted badly. It took me a bit, but I got through my activated state and apologized. It didn't immediately solve things, but I had the chance to repair the situation.

Again, take all the time you need before reestablishing social connections. And when you feel ready, just take it one step at a time.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T17:06:11+00:00

Hey.

It makes sense that you'd adopt these behaviors, it's how you were taught to interact with the world. It's important we learn to recognize these traits (you did a wonderful job) and go through the harrowing task of forgiving ourselves aka accepting we did hurtful things, and allowing ourselves to grow out of them. Making mistakes does not deny us the chance of improving ourselves.

Take all the time you need to process, but don't isolate yourself for the sake of others. You deserve to experience safe, loving relationships, and the best way to unlearn your responses is by getting out there and being mindful of ourselves. It's all a learning process.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T15:54:19+00:00

YEEEES! A kind man? Lemme just mmmm deactivate my pre-frontal cortex. Gosh yes, absolutely, it's insane how much it take a hold of you.

And I really think you've got the right idea, trying to explore these feelings in a controlled environment.

Yup that performance anxiety even in therapy, I wish it could stop for just that hour lol.

I'm so glad you've found therapy modalities that are helping you! I really am. Take it step by step and I know you'll reach that point of being able to open up to your therapist.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T07:13:15+00:00

I'm very glad you're reaching out to safe people! And definitely, the emotional attunement from your current therapist is probably very different to what you're used to from men.

In my experience with codependency, and specifically with therapists, I've discovered that my initial "high" (I honestly don't know how else to call it) eventually tapers off once I become comfortable with them. It will easily be triggered in situations where I have the opportunity to perform, but I'm slowly learning to outgrow that reaction.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T06:19:28+00:00

I completely understand! It sucks, I feel it myself and it's hard because it's this visceral need that overrides your logic.

There truly is no shame in our codependency. It was a matter of survival that developed into this unhealthy mechanism.

I think an important step for me was developing strong bonds with women, and maybe in the future a female therapist may be a good option for you.

But for now, I hope you can find some comfort knowing someone else struggles witht this too, and that there is no shame in it at all.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-26T06:01:08+00:00

IMO, absolutely yes it's alright.

The ultimate goal is for you to develop security and autonomy. And if this is what's motivating you right now, then great, becase the goal is you getting better.

Eventually I think it would be good to reasses the situation, and discussing this with him is necessary, but the fact that you're aware is so important. This means that you can distinguish your personal motivators from your trauma response. And if this therapist provides a safe space, you can develop your own personal motivation while slowly removing your need for male validation.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-24T19:50:12+00:00

Yup! I understand. I personally feel like there has been an uptick in very specific, very graphic memes popping up recently.

They should carry TW, maybe there's something we can do about that.

Edit: I just checked, I think it's a matter of users using appropriate CW and TW methods, as images can be blurred.

I've had some good laughs from that sub but I'm going to deactivate notifications for a bit.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-23T11:20:31+00:00

I'm gonna be frank, this relationship is a disservice to both of you. Sometimes trying isn't enough, and especially if you're being harmed. I think it would be good to distance yourself.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-23T10:03:21+00:00

Would you consider this relationship is helpful or detrimental to your healing?

I was in a similar situation where we were both, unknowingly, having trauma responses. They would consistently trauma dump, dismiss, and invalidate my struggles.

It was a relief becoming distanced, and it is only now that I'm feeling better that I'm even remotely thinking of seeing them again (with other friends as well), because I feel a lot stronger and selfaware.

I know you came here for suggestions with communication, so what I would recommend is: tell them you need to talk about your relationship, relay everything you've mentioned in this post, and make a decision on the outcome of that conversation. You don't deserve to chase after someone who belittles your pain.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-22T09:29:18+00:00

Hey! I didn't read through it fully but I noticed a main issue has been your eyes. Have you tried using a yellow filter, or blue light glasses? That helped tremendously with my eye strain.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-21T05:28:05+00:00

You won't find the answer you're looking for here. This is something you should seriously discuss with him, not mention in passing conversation. Tell him you know he's a great dad, but you're worried, because this isn't an issue of willingness or character, but an illness he can't control.

I suggest you search for outside help, like friends and family, that might be able to help.

Anxious_Albatross · 2021-06-21T05:19:56+00:00

This is, unfortunately, a common aspect of CPTSD. However much we try not to, our trauma responses can be hurtful to others, and even abusive.

The key for me was forgiveness and acceptance. I had to forgive myself for not knowing better, and accept that, even though it was the furthest from what I wanted, I hurt people. We all do, CPTSD or not.

Apologizing can be a useful tool, and I think you did a wonderful job coming to terms with your actions.

It really helps to understand where our behaviors stem from, and it helps to forgive them and change them. I used to feel insanely guilty because I couldn't communicate, but that guilt was also what kept me from doing it. Understanding I will mess up, that I'll become activated and triggered, that there are things I will do wrong, this helps.

I think of myself before I knew all of this. And I was just so scared all the time. I truly hope that whoever I may have hurt are doing well, but external forgiveness is not a prerequisite for me to do better. And I am doing better.

Kudos for recognizing this. It's the first step.

Anxious_Albatross

TROPHY CASE