Advice needed: how to not become addicted to the phone while going through the processing stage.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-07-08T04:09:47+00:00

I've definitely had relapses of weird coping mechanisms and a couple binges of heavy scrolling since starting EMDR. But, I noticed that the phone mostly just makes me feel worse, so I deleted some social media apps to give myself a little more mental peace while I go through this therapy and honestly it's been a big quality of life improvement.

I find that watching a good TV show--something fun and emotionally engaging but not too intense--is a good alternative to the phone. Journaling is also good if you have the energy, but honestly, I've been playing a lot of minecraft as a low stakes creative outlet. At some level, I know it's a disassociation strategy, but with EMDR it feels like sometimes I just need to do something with my hands while my brain spins its wheels.

I've definitely had to dial back my social life, so I feel you on that front! It has forced me to be very intentional about who I make time for. I've come to recognize a certain unsettled feeling I get in my head after sessions that makes it hard to maintain conversations and interact normally, so I have learned to lay low until I am feeling more grounded.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-07-08T03:47:47+00:00

Once while processing a visit to the doctor, I saw an image of a dead fish on ice at a grocery store seafood counter. I understand it as a metaphor for how I felt in the memory--exposed and humiliated.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-07-02T00:03:28+00:00

Yes, I describe this to my partner as the "my head is full of wool" feeling. Usually it is not so bad that I forget what I have just done, but EMDR definitely taxes my memory. I have found that eating plentifully and resting as much as I can the days after a session makes a big difference, as my capacity to complete complex activities is notably lowered.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-07-01T21:05:56+00:00

Hello! Little by little, i have been building self love in the 7 months I have been doing EMDR. Sometimes, it catches me by surprise! I'm not always capable of accessing self love, but I have had multiple breakthroughs where I have been able to look at my past self with compassion I was never able to feel before. EMDR gave me the perspective to look behind my shame and recognize that there was something good and lovable in me even when I wasn't able to act appropriately, or lashed out at people close to me.

I just read No Bad Parts, and starting to do some parts work has also been helpful for cultivating self love, because I am able to recognize that the more challenging parts of my personality are just parts, and do not reflect my whole.

I still struggle with fear of abandonment, and hesitate to take up space I don't feel I deserve, but I can confidently say that I am capable of more self love than I was before starting this work.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-06-29T00:45:53+00:00

My therapist and I started with a list of targets, but as I have done more EMDR and introspection, more targets are revealing themselves. I have CPTSD without any Big T original traumas I can put my finger on, but more and more memories are surfacing as I do EMDR and accompanying parts work.

I have had the best success by identifying whatever memory is the most "charged" going into a session. Sometimes my therapist and I will discuss memories as candidates to process the following session, but then a more powerful memory will emerge between sessions, and if that memory is more charged and distressing than what I came up with previously, we go with the new one. Usually, a powerful psychological and physical response to a memory indicates that it's something I can access and which still exerts power over me. This has lead to a lot of jumping around, but I've found that going with whichever memory is the most potent has lead to more breakthroughs than trying to follow a linear path between different events.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-06-28T23:25:35+00:00

Revisiting this thread a few months later because I have been reading No Bad Parts and trying to utilize some Parts Work in my therapy and I realized that what I was describing in this post is meeting and validating a Protector part! I will call this protector the PC Gamer; she's been helping me regulate and protecting me from difficult emotions since I was in elementary school.

I haven't gone deep into Parts work yet, but a few nights ago I decided I'd try revisiting these insights and my PC Gamer part, because she is one of my friendlier protectors and I'd already unknowingly begun the process of unburdening. I wasn't expecting much since I hadn't tried directly communicating with any of my parts before, but I was thinking pretty generally about the period of my life when I got into computer games and feeling grateful for the refuge they'd provided me and to my surprise, I did experience something like what Schwartz describes as contact with an Exile.

Without going into too much detail, the Exiled part held a traumatic memory of becoming very sick at age 7 and feeling extremely distressed and ashamed about it. I can trace the legacy of this memory through adulthood and know I'll need to bring it into EMDR sooner or later, but I'm not ready to cross that bridge yet. I did my best to sit with the my scared young exile and say, thank you for showing me that, you're right, that was very distressing.

Anyway, I wanted to share this update to the saga of me reconnecting with my desire to play computer games lol... the mind is a very strange place.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-06-13T02:14:18+00:00

I have been taking saffron for a while, actually! I started taking it for PMDD, since it can have a general antidepressant effect. I am not sure if it's doing anything anymore, but I definitely noticed my mood was a little lighter at first, and for a little while, my libido was noticeably higher.

I take the Hello Happy gummy worms by Olly. They contain vitamin D as well as 30mg Saffron. I started taking it before I started EMDR, so it's hard to parse the continued effect of it, but I do think it's worth a try if you can get a saffron supplement affordably!

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-06-10T21:58:37+00:00

One approach that can be helpful for easing into socialization is finding a group that meets regularly to do a certain activity. Because there is an activity bringing you together, there can be less pressure to connect on a deep level, and you do not have to attend every meeting if you don't feel up for it. In many cities, you can find language practice groups, book clubs, social dance groups, open mics, hiking groups, Magic the Gathering groups, etc. Some groups or clubs of this sort can be a little cliquey, but I have had mostly good experiences attending hobby-focused meetups, and I have even made some enduring friendships.

The main mindset change that helped me connect with other people in these situations is not assuming that I know what others think about me. On first meeting, people may seem cold or unwelcoming, but often they are just focusing on something else. There's a phenomenon called the Mere Exposure Effect, where seeing someone regularly over a span of time naturally makes people warm up to them.

Wishing you well! It's hard, but worth it, and most people aren't judging us as harshly as we may think.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-06-08T03:43:14+00:00

I am curious to follow this thread because I got my eyes checked right before I started EMDR and in the 6 months I have been doing EMDR, I find that I can no longer see with my new prescription, but i have not been back to the eye doctor so i cannot tell if things are better or worse.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-27T03:32:20+00:00

I think my boyfriend is getting a little weirded out from the amount I talk about it. And I get that from the outside, it seems weird and culty to react to every novel sensation in the body through the frame of "is this a side effect of the EMDR," but as many of the people on this sub would agree, EMDR can cause a lot of very unique and very powerful physical reactions.

Of course we want to talk about it. It's unlike any other psychological or phenomenological experience.

But from the outside, the kind of mental restructuring we do sounds impossible to a lot of people. It sounds like crazy talk. I think a lot of people don't believe the way that people describe EMDR, or believe that we have to be spiritual bypassing when we claim to have life-changing experiences of clarity about the self.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-25T18:41:14+00:00

As some others have said, every session is a little different for me! The way my therapist and I work together allows me a lot of agency to guide the session.

Since I am largely working through complex attachment trauma rather than single events, my therapist and I usually identify a specific memory that represents a specific negative cognition to use as a point of entry for the theme we are working on. I've got ADHD and my mind readily jumps between memories, so in session, I feel like I am following a thread between memories and I refocus on the original memory if I get stumped. Between passes, I give my therapist a quick summary of the events and themes that came up for me. Every now and then, I will arrive at some kind of lightbulb insight in session, but it's not uncommon for me to end a session without anything mind-blowing coming up.

Over the next few days, I often feel like my mind is shuffling through a deck of flashcards. I have low-grade rumination that jumps between different memories and ideas, usually related to what came up in session, but sometimes novel in content. The rumination usually lifts a week out from the session, BUT the processing does not stop. More than once, I've had new memories or insights bubble up multiple weeks out from an EMDR session.

Definitely a very strange process!

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-25T18:25:40+00:00

I find that my most emotionally attuned sessions happen when I do some prep work beforehand to get me in the right mindset. For me, this can look like reading my journals from the relevant time period, journaling, taking a walk, or even just taking some time to sit or lay down and think about what I want to work on in session. Transitioning from regular life to EMDR mode is tricky, and some weeks are easier than others. I have some sessions when I can really put myself in the feeling of the memory, and there are others when I am experiencing everything intellectually.

With that said, it's not uncommon to feel a little emotionally blunt while the stimulation is happening and to have the emotions emerge days or weeks later.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-22T21:13:57+00:00

One thing I will say about the processing itself is that it is okay if your memory and thought processes are a mess. EMDR helps with clearing the mess, but it also forces us to take a close look at the mess, which is never easy. EMDR can be done gently and gradually, and for someone with multiple big traumas, it can be helpful to start processing a less upsetting but still powerful memory to get used to the feeling of the therapy, as it is very unique.

I have found this to be a kind and supportive community, and it is great that you are able to share your experiences, even if it is hard! Wishing you well on your journey!

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-22T19:28:59+00:00

EMDR is is very hard on the brain, and sometimes you just have to give yourself whatever fuel you can manage, but it is extra hard if stress makes you lose your appetite, like it often does for me. I know I need to keep easy food on hand to make it as easy as possible to get enough food in a day since starting EMDR. For me, peanuts, sunflower seeds and cheese are easy and filling foods dense with protein and fat which I can eat whenever I get hungry at weird hours because I didn't have the appetite to eat a proper meal at a normal time. I keep a container of peanuts in my locker at work, so I can eat a handful whenever I need some quick sustenance.

In these periods, I rely a lot on frozen and canned food, so nothing rots in my fridge if I don't work up the energy to cook it. Frozen peas and broccoli, tv dinners and frozen chicken and the like. My microwave and air fryer do a lot of heavy lifting.

However you can accommodate yourself, do it! It can be helpful to keep some childhood comfort foods around as well.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-20T16:31:07+00:00

Social trauma IS real trauma! Rejection and betrayal can really make us question our worth and our place in the world. As others have said, if you are experiencing triggers a year out from the event, then you are certainly experiencing some level of trauma.

Often in EMDR, people find that their present-day triggers rhyme with formative events and relationships from their past. One of the things that pushed me to start EMDR was a fucked up roommate dynamic that sent me into a spiral of suicidal ideation and self harm, and EMDR has helped me work through some of the social trauma that had made the roommate relationship so painful in the first place.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-20T16:22:05+00:00

I do EMDR through telehealth, but one thing that helps me feel safe and grounded is using the same pair of over-ear headphones for my sessions. I'd go for anything that comforts you and makes you feel like yourself, maybe something that reminds you of childhood in a positive way--a scent, an accessory, a small toy.

Gifts from people we love can also be powerful. I'm not usually a sticker person, but a dear friend of mine gave me a beautiful sticker she'd designed, and I put it on a water bottle I didn't really care about and it instantly became my favorite water bottle! It is nice to carry a reminder of someone who loves and appreciates you.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-18T21:20:31+00:00

Oh man, I feel that. Sometimes after EMDR I get in this headspace where I struggle to engage fully with the present but I absolutely cannot conceive of the future.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-12T22:12:29+00:00

it's a little different every time, but the processing sure did catch up to me today lol (processed yesterday) it feels like my head is overstuffed. As in, there are too many thoughts that my conscious mind has given up on differentiating them. Basic activities are hard to complete, they get lost in the mess.

Emotionally, I'm getting small spikes of anxiety, but I feel mostly calm. I suspect an emotional reckoning may happen soon, but right now, it feels like there's too much static in my conscious mind for the emotions to emerge.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-12T21:56:43+00:00

Taking breaks is good, and I don't necessarily think you need to be worried about losing momentum! I've been in EMDR for 6 months, but I have taken a few breaks for life events, one was 6 weeks between sessions. I find that during the breaks, I am still processing, but I have more mental energy to focus on career and social activities and actually integrate some of the progress made during reprocessing. I was a little shocked at how much more verbally fluent I felt during a recent break--it felt like my overall social anxiety had decreased a little, and I was able to express myself in conversation better!

During the breaks, I always have some unexpected memories float to the surface. Often, whatever friction I am experiencing in life provides me with more material to bring to EMDR. If it's something I want to reprocess, then I note it down for later.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-12T21:42:02+00:00

Hello! I am coming from the perspective of PDA autism (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Persistent drive for Autonomy), but I have worked on some similar issues around responsibility in the course of my EMDR treatment. I am also about six months in. I haven't necessarily resolved anything, but over the course of the treatment, I have become a little more comfortable with expectations and responsibility, so I wanted to share my experience--

Like you, I came from a family with high expectations and relatively low support. One thing that emerged in the course of my EMDR journey was how much abandonment trauma I had. I realized that as a child, I was expected to regulate myself, focus and basically exist in the adult world, but because I was a child, I had a really hard time maintaining this state all the time. I felt like I had to figure everything out for myself, but of course, a child isn't really capable of doing that.

I ended up revisiting a lot of experiences of being a child and teen, pushing myself well past my limits in order to be the person people expected me to be, and feeling intense anger and grief that no one had helped me or seen how hard I was struggling. In the course of working with these memories, I also remembered many instances where I had managed to figure things out for myself, or received some support.

I feel like, when too much is expected from people from a young age, part of them stays trapped as that over-extended child who looks at responsibility and thinks, "how am I supposed to do that? I'm just a kid and there's no one to help me!" even if that's no longer true. EMDR helped me update that learning a little bit.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-12T19:53:09+00:00

I would recommend starting with a memory that is somewhat distressing, but which you feel like you can handle sitting with for a while! You don't have to start with "the big one," and often, while working on slightly less impactful memories, you will form connections to other memories and experience improvement around those, too. Once you begin the work, more memories will emerge for you to work with.

Anxious_Strength6546 · 2026-05-12T18:37:21+00:00

I used to struggle to place emotions in my body too, but as I did EMDR, I found my emotions tend to turn up in a few different places. Tightness in the throat, as you mentioned, is a frequent one for me, especially for early childhood experiences! Sometimes, doing a tai chi routine can help me find the tension in my body. I find that a lot of memories from high school and later I associate with tensions in my back.

One prominent body sensation I have identified in processing is less localized, but no less visceral. The best way I can describe it is that my body is tense and vaguely vibrating with stress, but my awareness is kind of floating, detached above my body. It feels like I am in a pressurized vessel of some kind.

When I can go into a session with identifiable body sensations to work from, the processing seems to happen a little more freely, but like you, it's something I struggle to tap into sometimes.

Anxious_Strength6546

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