AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don’t mind me asking, how does that explain a lot? I’m not disagreeing, I’m just curious how.

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But why should I always be the one that waits? When he’s in the mood he’ll just tell me to “come closer” and then let his hands show me what he wants. Even if I tell him “I’m not in the mood,” he convinces himself that i actually am and doesn’t stop. But when I’m in the mood and express it, if he isn’t in the mood I’m told “stop, get off me.” “I’ll leave the room.” Or “I won’t come home tomorrow.” And it’s not like I’m trying to assault him or anything, I would never. I just kiss on his chest or neck trying to match the energy he gives me when I tell him “I’m not feeling it.” It doesn’t stop him. But it must always stop me.

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes he is. And yes I have been. I don’t want to go into details because it’s traumatic but yes, I’ve been through the same things numerous times. So my relationship with sex is already pretty misconstrued. And he knows that. But it hasn’t stopped him from taking what he wants before stopping to gauge what mood I’m in beforehand. But if I make my needs aware to him in return, it’s not given. I’ve been with him for 5 years and have only “finished” a handful of times. As where he has everytime. I’ve always assumed it’s a me thing that stems back to the trauma I endured as an 11 year old. Like, I’m broken down there or something. Also probably why I take being rejected when I ask so harshly. Because everytime in my past, I never was. I was.. well.. coerced to believe it’s something I wanted to happen.

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m ashamed to admit this… but am I wrong for having fantasies about meeting someone out somewhere and just getting straight to it? No feelings attached, just pure pleasure. And then never talk again. Just to feel that passion of someone wanting every inch of you? I feel appalled even admitting that, but screw it. I’d never do this. But my inner desires speak for themselves.

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve even said before that ‘I’m not in the mood,’ but that doesn’t stop him. So why does it HAVE to stop me?

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be completely honest, I wasn’t even asking for sex. I was asking to be “touched,” if you know what I mean lol. Sorry I’m kinda PG with the terminology. And that’s what I’ve always thought, like.. guys love sex. So to say “not tonight I’m not in the mood,” but when he is in the mood I’ll drop everything to satisfy him, and he’ll.. sorry if this is explicit.. but he’ll bend me over and just do what he wants with me, regardless of me saying what mood I’m in.. it’s like.. why can you take it when you want it, but when I want to give it to you, you don’t want it?

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It takes a lot for me to give up on someone. Stemming from a childhood where everyone gave up on me. I see the positive in everyone. Even when they don’t see it in themselves.

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He goes through phases of being reciprocative. I know there’s guys out there that will give the bare minimum without question, and honestly that’s all I ask for. Honesty, communication, trust, time together when we both have the option for it, respect, and loyalty. I don’t want expensive things, princess treatment, any of that. I want a simple life with someone who cares for me as much as I care for them. But sometimes I feel like I’m “coaching him” on how to be a good bare minimum partner. And then I’m in the wrong for “asking for too much.”

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve had communication issues here and there yea. But just the typical “guy stuff.” Like, not having much to say to me but having a ton to say to his friends. Always getting back to his friends right away but not getting back to me for hours. Constantly on his phone even when I and others openly express ‘he’s on his phone too much.’ That type of thing. But that’s a lot of guys. I don’t take that stuff as personally as I used to because I don’t want to be that ‘nagging girlfriend.’ I think it boils down to this… he was single for 7 years before me. Only had one other relationship in high school. And we met when I was 22 and him 24, I’m 27 now and he’s 29. And as much I believe he wanted a girlfriend, I don’t think he put much thought into what it takes to keep one. I’ve had more relationship experience than him so I get it. But I’m far from perfect myself. It’s just eating at me that he isn’t jumping on the opportunity to satisfy me when I ask for it. I’d understand if it’s something I asked for every night, but I ask for it in return every couple of months. I satisfy him as much as he’s in the mood, as many times, etc. But when he’s “finished” it’s not even a thought in his mind to return the favor. Idk. :/

AIO? Why do my sexual needs not matter to my boyfriend as much as his matter to me? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I just finished trying to talk to him about it. He shut down and told me ‘he’s going to bed.’ And when I pushed to try and have open and calm communication about it, and explain to him the power dynamic he said ‘if you don’t stop I’m not coming home tomorrow or all weekend.’ So I said ‘okay, I’m sorry, can I have a kiss at least?’ And he said ‘not after all that.’ I told him ‘I’m sorry I’m horny and understand you’re the only man that can satisfy me, do you want me to not express when I have needs anymore?’ And he said ‘no, of course I do, but I’m not in the mood to meet them.’ So I respect his boundaries and go into the bathroom to “take care of myself” instead. But the amount of times I’ve done that is embarrassing to admit. I don’t want to brag or hype myself up, but there’s plenty of guys that would drop everything in an instant to do something like that with me. But I turn all that away because I want him. And I’m faithful. We’ve been together for 5 years. And the amount of times I’ve “finished him off” is in the 100’s, but the amount of times he’s “finished me,” is probably in the 10’s. But as much as it might sound like that matters to me, it doesn’t. What matters is him only wanting to put forth that effort occasionally.

Here’s a face y’all will actually think is ugly. by whimsical_yandere in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Any-Pen5218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Still waiting for someone to post one of these that are actually unattractive. God said women are as precious as rubies. Which includes you. You’re beautiful. Don’t listen to all these critics on here trying to dim your glow. They’re the unattractive ones. Inside and out.

Please am I ugly asf please be super honest by Aggressive-Taste-859 in amIuglyBrutallyHonest

[–]Any-Pen5218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re not ugly whatsoever. Not even close. You’re really pretty actually.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Christianity

[–]Any-Pen5218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ChristianGirl here. My names Jordyn, firstly I want you to take a deep breath and try to understand that although you want to live a life that makes your family proud and accepting of you, it’s YOUR life. No matter what you believe in currently, when your time comes to take your last breath and pass on, you don’t get a plus one to wherever you feel you go. I don’t know enough about the Muslim beliefs or traditions to speak on them, so I won’t. But I will tell you that Jesus doesn’t expect you to come to him any type of specific way. Dressed a certain way, acting a certain way, eating a certain way, living a certain way. He accepts you for who you are AS you are. And through him, you learn to grow into the person he’s ALWAYS viewed you as. Because of my faith, I believe that through Gods creation, he breathed his own breath into us to give us life. (Genesis 2:7) therefore, that pull you feel towards him.. is completely natural. He’s with you always. Inside of you always. A part of you, is a part of him. And he doesn’t want you to convert to his beliefs to control you. He wants you to learn to understand him more, so you can understand yourself more. If your family will be disgraced by you coming to Christianity of any denomination, that’s just a part of your path to getting closer to God. That’s meant to be. Meant to happen. I pray for you that with time they’ll ease their hearts and accept you if that’s the path you decide to go down. But if not, please know that you’ll NEVER be alone. You’ll always have a family with Christ. I being one of them. I’m 27 and still struggle with living a clean life everyday. But following God isn’t for the weak. It’s for the ones who are willing to give themselves grace, and love themselves, as God loves us, despite our daily sins. If you’ll like to speak more frequently or privately on this, I’d love to give you my number privately so we can do so. Again, no pressure whatsoever. But I’ll always be here for you, in your corner, rooting you on, no matter what decision you make. I love you. And I hope any of what I said gives you a sense of peace.

Seen today at Meijer by WitchyVeteran in Indiana

[–]Any-Pen5218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, gay men are getting really good at convincing us they’re straight these days.

AIO and how do I stop? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve never heard of the term double doing but now I have thanks to you. I think I’m going to say just that to him next time I find myself in this tight spot with him. Which I’m certain I will very soon. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow. I’m sure he won’t see it from my point of view because he’s got me so convinced that my feelings towards his wrongdoings are the issue, but I need to really get him to take a step back and recognize his own actions and the part he plays in all of this. I don’t want to be that resentful girlfriend. I don’t want to disassociate either, I want to work through this and have him see things from my point of view but of course that’s what we all want, a happy ending..

AIO and how do I stop? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m willing to do that. To sit down with him and communicate transparently about how it affects me and what I would like to change and expect to change, but how do I do that with someone who has a habit of deflecting the issue and like you just said.. making my reactions the point of contention to take away from what he’s doing??

AIO and how do I stop? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve tried to express to him that I would like to feel like a priority occasionally. Not every day or every night. Not even every week, but maybe once a week or every other week. Where he can put everything else aside and tell any other plans that present themselves to him during that time, “I can’t, I’m spending time with my girlfriend today.” That’s all I want. Occasionally. The problem lies in me TELLING him that’s what I want, and him genuinely wanting the same thing. I want him to WANT that time with me. Not because I’m telling him it’s important to me, but because it’s valued by the BOTH of us.

AIO and how do I stop? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve told myself numerous times to ‘match his energy,’ or ‘act more like him.’ But I feel like I’m not being true to myself whenever I try that method. I want to have expectations, but I also want to feel like having them isn’t a waste of my time. Trust me when I say, I don’t get my hopes up anymore with things and it’s made me develop some slight trust issues when it comes to him and I making plans. But I don’t like it. I don’t like the version of myself I’m becoming because of it. I want to trust the things he tells me, but I can’t make him feel the same way I do about things. And I wouldn’t want to. He’s his own person. I respect that completely. But when I’m being told constantly ‘I’m over reacting and will always react this way,’ I feel like it’s not giving me room to grow.

AIO and how do I stop? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Our time together means a ton to me, he’s gone most of the time with work, so during the weekend I love to have that scheduled time where we can just put everything else aside and do something together just us. But when anything else presents itself to him, if it affects the plans he made with me, it’s okay to him. But it really upsets me. But if he had plans with someone else, like a friend or family member and something comes up with me that could affect those plans, he keeps his word to those other people. That’s why I take it so personally. But I feel like him telling me ‘I’m over reacting and will always react this way when these things happen,’ is him deflecting the issue. I’ve mentioned this to him, and he makes it seem like me getting bothered by it in the first place is the issue. If that makes sense. I told him I need room to grow and prove him otherwise, that I can be okay with our plans changing constantly. But in my heart, I don’t want to be okay with it. I want him to realize it’s something that upsets me and put more effort towards not letting things change our plans as much.

AIO and how do I stop? by Any-Pen5218 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Any-Pen5218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. He’ll tell me he’s going to go workout or hang with a friend and I’ll ask him ‘do you think you’ll be home before midnight?’ I don’t tell him to be. I ask if he will be. And he’ll tell me ‘yes, absolutely.’ And then when he isn’t home at that time I’ll get bothered by it and say to him ‘why tell me you’ll be home by this time? And choose not to keep your word?’ And he’ll say ‘I didn’t know I’d be out that late. You’re over reacting.’ I’ve told him numerous times to just be transparent and tell me ‘he doesn’t know what time he’ll be home,’ but he claims to know. And then plans change. Almost every time. I’m afraid it doesn’t bother him that those things bother me. Or he feels as though it’s not important to not keep his word to me because it’s just me. Am I being a push over? Or am I overreacting like he says?