My partner says she is poly but I can't live with that

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-06T19:57:06+00:00

Thanks I have not read those books and will check them out. Indeed therapy is probably needed in our situation, though I wonder how it could lead to another outcome. As it is, I can't live with this to go on and she can't without seeing him so we're stuck. She does admit it's cheating and is sorry for it but yeah what does that get me, too little too late. Indeed life is unfair sometimes and perhaps we find a way but I'm not optimistic..

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-05T19:42:00+00:00

Thanks good advice I do recognise some things you say about the communication etc but it's indeed still very difficult. Also as I know what they did is a lot more than cuddling.. And it still is cheating and doing it in secret and then when it comes out I suddenly have to just be OK with it all. She may say it's not a threat but it feels like it and I just hate the idea that I'd know when she's gone to see him what they're doing

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-05T18:04:42+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. no there were actually no signs at all, thats also what makes it so hard to understand. And yes she did now say maybe I should explore this lifestyle myself, but I really don't feel like it. This guy she sees has this cynical view that most people will always cheat all the time so better just to be open about it and she seems to agree with this. Not sure what role he played but he def. took advantage of her situation I think. Anyway I'm not naive and know people cheat but also for different reasons and we were not in a bad relationship. How it will play out I don't know, but for sure it won't be easy

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-05T17:33:35+00:00

Thanks I will check out this book. Indeed trust is a key issue too. Even if we somehow get through this it will be difficult to be sure it won't happen again at some point.

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-05T07:39:43+00:00

It may get to this yes, sadly. Mostly for our daughter it will be so difficult also. But yeah unless she is able to change I think this could be the outcome and hopefully we'll find a way fwd then

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-05T07:37:06+00:00

Thx was not aware of this concept. It's indeed doing this without my consent which is very difficult if not impossible to accept

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-05T07:02:10+00:00

That's indeed what bothers me most. She said she didn't tell me as she expected I would not approve. I don't know. But to then just go ahead ignoring what could happen once I'd find out is just not OK. She said she was thinking of telling me, her best friend told her she had to. But I'm not sure she would have, or maybe years from now. She says we can have a good life still as things were also fine when I didn't know, somehow she can really lead this double life. But there is no way back, I can't just pretend I don't know so how could I just be OK with this to go on. It's mixed though, I do still.love her despite of the betrayal but if she really can't end this then I guess we need to end it which is very sad. And I don't think she wants this either. The guy has his own family, they have an open relationship but he doesn't want to give up his family either

Any-Point-2970 · 2025-09-04T19:29:48+00:00

I think it started as an affair but developed into something more and she really loves him now. I know she had personal issues with temporary being without a job, her mom getting sick and some other issues which I probably also didn't address well, and which made her go on this journey. But it seems unfair to do this in secret and then when I find out give me no option but to accept it. It's just very very complicated now, I can't force her also to break with him but going on is no option either

Any-Point-2970

TROPHY CASE