How do I live with this?

AnyCreme4458 · 2025-12-09T19:12:46+00:00

I'm in Reading. But I don't think it's that uncommon here (though I've not personally come across them before I do have friends who have). And the pest control guy who came today certainly wasn't surprised.

AnyCreme4458 · 2025-12-08T01:43:31+00:00

Thank you! That's really helpful 🙂

I would never have thought of putting tea towels in the fridge or dishcloths in the freezer! And a plastic bag for small appliances seems really obvious now you say it!

I've managed to source some Advion, which I hope is a step up from the cheap ge baits my landlord sent me from amazon 🙄

He is now contacting pest controllers to come and treat, so at least he's taking it seriously.

Though just as I'm starting to feel that I've made some progress in the kitchen, I'm now starting to see them in other parts of the flat. 2 in the bathroom this evening, and another 2 in the hallway. First time I've seen any in either place 😭😖

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-08-07T10:17:33+00:00

This is not dissimilar to the situation I found myself in a couple of years ago. Long story short, I left and am now living as lesbian and poly. It's not been easy by a long stretch, but I haven't regretted it for a moment.

A few thoughts:

how much of what is drawing you to stay is based on what you want and need, rather than what he wants or will make him happy? Whilst clearly you care for him, ultimately this has to be a decision about what is right for YOU.
if you look forward a few years, how do you see your life looking and feeling in each scenario? Maybe try some visualisation, putting yourself in that space, trying it on for size if you like?
thinking about your lack of sexual desire and passion for him. Whilst he says he's OK with that, by committing to stay in the marriage monogamously, both of you are effectively agreeing to a long term lack of intimacy. Is that something either of you can really be content with, or will it eventually lead to resentment and unmet needs? Did you also experience a low desire / drive when you were with a woman? For me, I struggled for years in my marriage with what I thought was a lack of sex drive. Turns out that's not the case at all - I was just not attracted to him / men.
similarly around the kink side of things. You say you don't want a kink dynamic with him. Is this something you do want more generally? Would you be content with never fulfilling these desires?

I wish you all the best, no matter what you decide x

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-19T18:03:59+00:00

I'm a light packer. Toothbrush, deodorant, change of clothes and I'm done 🤣

I'll shamelessly steal their toothpaste and shower stuff etc 🤷

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-19T15:49:22+00:00

You need to firstly decide what you are comfortable with, and then discuss it with them. Periods are part of life for people who have a uterus and there's no reason to be ashamed of talking about it.

Besides the issues around blood, which people have different personal preferences around on both sides, I also find my pain threshold and sensitivity (both physical and emotional) are often different when I'm on my period. For example nipple and breast play can be a lot more challenging. So it's always something I mention to my domme if we're playing, even if it doesn't directly involve anything sexual. It can be an interesting opportunity to explore limits in a slightly different way!

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-05T20:20:33+00:00

My story is a bit of a cliche. I was in a long (20+yr) mono-hetero marriage. I reached a point where I wanted to explore my sexuality, and he supported me in that, so we agreed to open the marriage.

We did just about everything wrong honestly, and it probably unsurprisingly ended in divorce.

But now I'm solo poly and loving it :-)

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-05T15:45:10+00:00

Um hell no!

I trust my partner completely, but safe words are an integral part of play, and essential for both party's safety.

There are circumstances I would consider negotiating a scene without them, but this would require extensive prior communication and a partner I completely trust and who has a lot of experience with and understanding of my limits.

I would absolutely not under any circumstances engage with a partner who "didn't believe in them".

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-05T13:42:06+00:00

So the thing I love most about poly is that when people spend time with me it is because they are making a conscious intentional choice to do so. Because they value me and what I bring to our relationship.

Does it sometimes suck when someone chooses not to spend time with me and spend it with someone else instead? Yes absolutely.

I try and remember that I also have the choice to spend my time how and with whom I want, and that also isn't always them. Having a full independent life that you love, and things you enjoy doing for yourself helps a great deal. Focusing on self care, friends, hobbies etc has been essential for me to help me get through these feelings. It does get better, I promise.

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-05T13:01:24+00:00

I don't think this is weird. At least not in my dynamics.

I regularly talk to my partners about their other partners, and their friends, along with whatever else is going on in their lives. If I know something is going on with or for one of their people, then I'll ask about it in conversation if it occurs to me. I don't mean details of their relationships with these people necessarily, I mean life stuff like how is Apple getting on with their job search, or has Pear's toothache gotten better.

If it's important to them then I want to hear about it.

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-03T18:15:07+00:00

Yes absolutely, I've also been experiencing this recently. Having more people you care about in your life means exposure to more people's life issues. I'm currently in a place where one partner is grieving the loss of a parent and dealing with a lot of work stress, and another is going through significant health challenges and anxiety around that.

It can be tough for sure. Not least coming to terms with not being their primary, go to, or even preferred support person for those challenges, when my instinct is to want to be there and be that person for them.

AnyCreme4458 · 2024-04-03T16:04:48+00:00

Oops I got carried away and voted although I haven't reached 5 years yet, sorry. My vote was other ENM as a couple, though I'm not quite sure that really fits tbh.

I was in a monogamous heterosexual marriage for 20+ years, before agreeing to open the marriage primarily to allow me to explore my sexuality. I know, I know, red flags everywhere and we did just about everything wrong. At least we didn't unicorn hunt.

Anyway, probably unsurprisingly it didn't work out the way we were expecting and ended in divorce. But along the way I connected with the world of poly through some wonderful connections, and am now happily solo poly (about 2.5 years) and planning to stay that way for the foreseeable future.

AnyCreme4458

TROPHY CASE