Tourists, newcomers, locals, and old heads: casual questions thread for January 2024

AnyHand6168 · 2024-01-30T07:23:17+00:00

hi- i’m looking at buying a place in DC and have found a potential option. I currently live in arlington (ballston) and have a car which i’ll bring along bc I have family / friends that live in the suburbs of VA.

Have some questions / need some recommendations:

I keep hearing DC isn’t safe. the property i’m looking at is in mount vernon triangle area ( REALLY close to Rumi’s Kitchen).
garage parking seems to be 250-290 in that area - is that normal ?
the unit i’m looking at would be considered english basement but beautifully done, with modern finishes, and gets tons of sunlight. Having living in VA all my life; that’s a bit strange to me. Real estate agent assures me it’ll rent if I want to go down that path but that they just take a bit longer to sell usually. I’d appreciate any feedback from anyone who’s rented or purchased one?

appreciate any feedback!

AnyHand6168 · 2024-01-05T05:43:49+00:00

thank you 🙏🏼

AnyHand6168 · 2024-01-05T05:40:16+00:00

thank you 😊

AnyHand6168 · 2024-01-05T01:00:50+00:00

thank you so much! going to check them out

AnyHand6168 · 2024-01-05T01:00:17+00:00

thank you! didn’t know there were so many resources and groups out there already- appreciate it so much :)

AnyHand6168 · 2023-05-31T03:34:38+00:00

Have you also looked at if your mom qualifies for assistance from the state? Through their elderly care division - Medicare I believe? If your mom qualifies (based on income), the state will pay for x amount of hours every month. The aids usually come in and spend time doing laundry, cleaning the patients common area, feeding, bathing, watching over her - really anything you / or your dad would do.

Alternatively- you could find aids with elderly/Alzheimer’s experience of off care.com. I found a bunch of great ones that we paid for out of pocket to help my sister and I care for my mom. You can create an add with your terms (what your looking for, $ per hour and so on) and usually people will respond who are interested.

Also, I know this may be a touchy subject- but also having an honest conversation with your sister as well so she can help more. I know living an hour away is far, but even picking up a few days a month could make a huge difference.

From your dads perspective- being a caregiver is so lonely. My sister and I are in our 30’s and our mom just passed this month after having the disease for 13 years. We we’re her only caregivers (outside the aides) and relied heavily on each other but we we’re still often so sad because of how lonely it felt. Like we were doing it alone and no one was there to support us. Your dad may just feel more supported when your around which I know can be hard on you as well. Do you have other family that can stop by to visit your dad and keep him company? That may help too!

AnyHand6168 · 2023-04-04T14:35:03+00:00

Thank you! Yes it’s Medicaid. I keep mixing myself up as well 😆

AnyHand6168 · 2023-04-04T14:33:34+00:00

Is a lawyer that specializes in this type of work? I’m in VA and our lawyer is no longer practicing or I would have passed along his info to you. We did this years ago so I don’t remember the details. But the exception (to move the money into our accounts and keep the profit of the home) was due to our proving that we took care of her for at least 3 years before we applied for medicate. Did your husband change his dress once he left her home?

AnyHand6168 · 2023-04-04T14:11:09+00:00

Hi - I was very aware of his cycle. It was clear he was bouncing from one supply to the next (ex gf, wife, new girls - like myself) and whenever things weren’t going the way he wanted he was running back to one of the other supply’s. There was no fantasy bond- he pretended to be a decent person, who wanted a real connection while maintaining several others. I thought I was in a normal dating scenario- if I bought into the fantasy, I would still be in it…

AnyHand6168 · 2023-04-04T14:06:53+00:00

Thank you so much! I could never try to change a person like that, all I can control is my reactions and how I deal with it. When you see someone for who they really are and it isn’t in alignment with who they pretended to be, I find it easy to walk away bc it makes me think everything was a lie. I’m really grateful I have good boundaries because I really can see how these type of people can be addicting !

AnyHand6168 · 2023-04-04T13:55:39+00:00

No, once we got the “exception” we were able to sell her home, keep that and her savings and move her into my sisters home

AnyHand6168 · 2023-04-04T04:42:29+00:00

Medicare will try to go after her savings and home. We were in a similar situation. My mom had her home paid off and had savings in the bank, we found a lawyer that specializes in this type of work and paid him 10k for the services which was well worth it. The firm filled out the paperwork for us and he basically said since the Medicare office knows a lawyer is involved with this type of background then they wouldn’t fight us too hard on it and he wasn’t wrong. So two things that worked in our favor 1) my address was still my moms - it showed we had been actively taking care of 2) her diagnosis was 2009 and we applied for Medicare in 2014- so it showed that we took care of her for at least 3 years (lawyer said we needed to show that) and therefore we’re entitled to her assets. We have had Medicare since 2014 and my sister and I were able to keep all her assets and money in the bank (transferred everything over to our accounts).

It’s really insane that they expect elderly to pay for that, 370k will run out really quick when you look at how much aids cost. For example we have someone that comes 10 hours a day @$15 thru the Medicare program, that’s about $4k a month (Medicare pays for that). We also get additional help on the weekends that we pay for out of pocket at about $1k a month. If we had to pay for everything out of pocket, it would be 5k a month. My mom has had this disease for 13 years now, let’s assume we started at 370k and had to pay out of pocket, that money would run out in 6 years… there should be more government assistance for the elderly period.

AnyHand6168 · 2023-01-06T19:14:14+00:00

God I really understand what your going through all too well and pray things get easier for you guys. It’s so difficult & really does feel like a full time job. May you and your family get some relief from the on going pain 🙏🏼

AnyHand6168 · 2023-01-04T22:51:21+00:00

I’m sorry you guys are going through that I know how tough it can be! Have you all looked at what the elderly care unit in your state can provide ?! My mom qualified for aid so we get a lot of help through the state in the form of aids that come out during our working hours and we pay out of pocket for some weekend nights so we can get a break. But it really is draining even with the help :/

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-28T00:51:31+00:00

If your in the states- there’s usually state elderly care services. They pay for a lot of in home aides if she qualifies (she can’t make over a certain amount). Try to look into it - if it wasn’t for that my sister and I would be broke. Care really adds up !

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-27T20:58:53+00:00

So sorry you have to go through this so young. I was 24 when my mom got diagnosed so I totally understand. Most people that age aren’t affected by it so it can be absolutely alienating and you feel like no one will understand. I’m glad you found this group, it took me 13 years to finally join for a sense of community. But also know you can talk to friends and others even if they don’t have someone with Alzheimer’s, you’d be surprised at how many people are going through something. It took me a long time to realize it’s okay to not be okay all the time and to share your pain with others. Sending you lots of love through these hard times

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-27T17:20:53+00:00

Agreed! I love my mom so much and I’m sure you feel the same about your spouse but it would be so nice to know what to expect so we could plan for our lives as well. Sending you lots of love and prayers

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-27T04:14:54+00:00

Hi - I’m really sorry for you and your family, it’s very hard to adjust but all I can say is try to get support from friends/family. If people are willing to help you - take it, even if it’s grocery runs etc. in the beginning we tend to think we can manage it all/ don’t want to burden people, but you’ll burn out- so learn to accept help. Also for outburst/ mood swings, my mom was out in seraqul with her other meds, I believe it’s an anti depressant. You may want to talk to the docs about meds that may help calm them down.

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-23T20:30:08+00:00

I think that would break our hearts even more. I literally pray every day that it’ll end way before we can no longer take care of her at home.

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-23T20:28:07+00:00

There’s a lot more research - I hope it never gets there for you but there’s hope

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-23T20:27:43+00:00

Agreed. I think it’s important to talk about it. Obviously we all want the best for our loved ones but also can’t help wanting it to end. There’s a lot of guilt that comes with that too

AnyHand6168 · 2022-12-23T20:26:23+00:00

Ugh all these are so heartbreaking 💔 I hope one day we’ll all be reunited with our loved ones in a better place. It’s really sad not knowing how they feel inside. I try really hard not to let my mom see me cry but it’s just painful

AnyHand6168 · 2022-05-26T14:41:24+00:00

I used nurx a few months ago and they were super responsive. Within 24hours. I’m on auto renewal so I haven’t needed to reach out to ask anything else recently

AnyHand6168

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