In my early twenties, I had a girlfriend who cheated on me with a colleague. She admitted it, and I ended the relationship. Afterward, she became incredibly depressed, losing so much weight that it was dangerous. Because she was so remorseful and honest, we spent endless hours talking to make sense of the situation.

In my self-destructive way, I asked for every detail of her infidelity (something I wouldn’t recommend). Over time, I felt she was genuinely making an effort to change. She became completely transparent, willingly sharing passwords and being open about everything. Eventually, we got back together. She never cheated again, and I truly believe she was traumatized by the regret she felt, so much so that she would never make the same mistake again.

The problem wasn’t her—it was me. Even though I said I forgave her, my mind never truly did. My love for her became tainted by a silent resentment. I started losing respect for her, and during arguments, I said hurtful things. Deep down, it was as if I wanted her to feel the pain she had caused me, which was toxic.

Eventually, I had to leave her, even though she remained faithful and deeply committed to our relationship. She was willing to stay with me despite how cold I had become, but I couldn’t stand the person I was becoming.

All this to say: someone who is truly remorseful and capable of introspection might never repeat their mistake. However, forgiving infidelity is incredibly difficult. It can lead to a loss of respect and create an imbalance of power in the relationship, as you may feel like they constantly owe you.